


Heart of Stone

by TwilightMaster15



Series: Best Friend Projects [4]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Death Threats, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual L/Yagami Light, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Kiyomi is a Good Friend, L becomes Kira?!, M/M, Mental Instability, Misa is yandere, Murder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Siblings, Protectiveness, Redemption, Rivalry, Ryuk stirs the pot, Sexual Harassment, Suicidal Thoughts, implied/referenced eating disorder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 75,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightMaster15/pseuds/TwilightMaster15
Summary: Regardless of the offer of essentially free Shinigami eyes, Light refuses Misa's assistance and love, unwilling to work with someone who would kill innocents purely to date him. Witnessing what she believed would please him and how villainous it was actually makes him begin to wonder if he is really doing the right thing.Misa has no plans of accepting Light's refusal as an answer and is willing to go to any length necessary, no matter the crimes committed in the process, to make Light hers. And once her actions reach a climax and breaking point, she unleashes the very powerful and dangerous monster within L Lawliet, who has found himself armed with a deadly tool and has a newfound resentment for society, protectiveness over Light, and an understanding of why Kira had acted the way he had.As Light tries to get his life back together and become a better person, he finds himself needing to constantly fight against Misa, and in the process must save L from himself and the demons threatening to consume him as they almost did Light.
Relationships: L/Yagami Light, Takada Kiyomi & Yagami Sayu
Series: Best Friend Projects [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639696
Comments: 67
Kudos: 426





	1. Chapter 1

Countless thoughts flew around in Light's mind as he guided this new girl, Misa, apparently, up to his bedroom. "Have a seat."

"T-Thank you." She said, and Light's expression became cold, no longer planning on maintaining a friendly facade unless it proved necessary.

"How did you find me?"

"Ah, I thought so. You didn't do the eye deal, did you?" She smiled, "When you have the Shinigami eyes, you can see a person's lifespan and age. But you cannot see the lifespan of someone who owns a Death Note." Light glared at Ryuk, who just laughed in response,

"Well, I didn't know that detail." Seeing as there was a literal rule in the notebook about even the Shinigami themselves not knowing much about its powers, Light permitted himself to give Ryuk the benefit of the doubt since he had more significant issues to deal with.

"Okay, I understand that, but I'm asking how you found me. How do you know where I live?"

"I bought your information online," Misa explained happily, seemingly unaware of what a massive violation of his privacy getting his info was, "Your blood type is A, weight is 119 pounds, you were born February 28th, 1989."

Light hid how sickened he was. He wasn't sure what was more disturbing—the fact she bought his information or the fact she could. Without a doubt, that was something in need of being changed in his perfect world. And he knew now that there was no way he could work with her.

"What would happen if you were caught by the police, and Kira's secret was discovered—?"

"It's all right." Misa interjected, "I wasn't caught, and if I continue to do as you say, I won't be. Right? And I will see L's name I will become your eyes. So..." she looked away for a moment, then gave what Light assumed was her best innocent and nervous face, "Please make me your girlfriend!"

"No." Light said faster than he had ever rejected someone before—and seeing how many people were lusting after him daily, this was impressive. Only after he had said it did his brain register what a horrible mistake that had been because she could quickly go into "if I can't have you" mode. That being said, after the stunt that she had pulled revealing secret information and also killing innocents for no good reason whatsoever, he was already skeptical. And now coming to his house late at night and asking to date him, he wasn't going to humor this girl for even a second. Those eyes were tempting, but now worth it.

" _WHAT?!_ " Misa shrieked at the top of her lungs, only stopping when Light put a finger to her lips before his mother or sister came to investigate the sound.

"I'm afraid what you're asking is impossible for several reasons."

"Are you already in a relationship?! She can't be prettier than me! I can do it better for you, Light! Who is she? I'll kill her!" 

"We're just not compatible." Light said softly, putting back on a gentle mask, hoping she wouldn't lose her mind even more than she already had. He was consciously fighting the rapidly growing temptation to kill her here and now. No, he had to be patient if he was going to do that. She was already claiming him as her own by saying she would kill any partner he had. He was glad he had no interest in dating right now. Women just weren't appealing to him. In the back of his mind, he wondered what would happen if he was with a guy, would she leave him alone then? But that plan was still too risky unless he was planning to say L was his boyfriend... actually that might work—no, he wasn't going to be working with his psychobitch whatsoever.

Misa tilted her head sideways, confusion was evident on her face. Something told him that her looks allowed rejection to be a new concept to her, and she probably had as many admirers as Light had—which only made him angrier that she had found him the way she had. "What do you mean?"

"If you really killed innocent people to try getting in my pants and not actually to help me, I'm afraid that's even more reason not to work with you." He wouldn't usually say it as bluntly and crudely as he had, but he already knew she wasn't bright, so maybe dumbing down his speech would make her wrap her head around it.

Misa started shrieking as she made a big show of throwing herself at his feet, and Light pointed to the door with a warning glare, reminding her that they weren't the only people here. "Don't you understand? We're perfect! I only did that to get your attention, and I can be useful!"

Light closed his eyes against the oncoming headache. He really hoped stupidity of this magnitude didn't pass like a cold. Was this really what lust did to people? Well, rapists were a thing, so that wasn't out of the question. Light himself had never experienced lust—Sayu sometimes said the price for his brains was the inability to experience that kind of thing.

"But… but I have the Shinigami eyes!" Misa persuaded. "If you make me your girlfriend, I can easily kill L for you! I can help you!" 

Light let out a long, drawn-out sigh, knowing full well that she really could be useful. It was a golden opportunity, but Misa was the opposite of someone who belonged in the perfect world Kira sought to build and had even dragged his name through the mud—which he was still more than a little bitter about since the Kira hate had quadrupled since those tapes. She was a murderer of innocents, and not even for self-preservation. This was the type of person he killed daily. "As I have said before, I don't kill innocents..." then he was silent as he thought of something to say, his bangs falling into his face. Then he spoke in a soft, sad voice, "Misa, you have crossed the line between vigilante and villain. I intend to build a world where kind people live, but you have torn apart families to meet me? You do understand that what you've done counts as people I punish, right?"

Instead of getting discouraged like he had hoped, Misa only perked up even more. "You can help me find my way again!" 

"No, Misa. I—" 

"We'll do it together! The power of love prevails!" The blonde decreed while giving him a two-fingered hand gesture right out of _Sailor Moon_. 

"Misa, I already told you I can't be your boyfriend. I actually have no interest in dating right now, and everybody, including L, knows that. So for me to start dating would bring up instant suspicion, especially considering the Second Kira is known." He actually wasn't sure if L knew, but it wasn't like Misa would be able to disprove that bluff. He did go on the occasional one-time date to test it out, usually at Sayu's insistence, but he always said after getting home that a long term relationship just didn't seem in the cards for him.

"Aw… that's okay, Light, I understand." Misa assured, and Light felt his left eye start twitching, and that was something he had never experienced before. Even as weird and infuriatingly brilliant as L was, making Light twitch was something that hadn't been achieved. "You can just pretend for now. I'm sure you'll fall in love with me eventually!" 

"Did you not hear me? I am not interested in you." Light ground out past clenched teeth, but still bent down by her side, putting on a mask of being regretful and frustrated, not letting his real fury be seen, "Nothing personal, you're just not my type. I'm sure there is somebody out there who would be able to appreciate you better than I would be able."

Misa's bawling came to an abrupt stop. She smiled dangerously. "You know, you're making Rem angry. She loves me, you know, and she says that if you don't be my boyfriend, she'll kill you." The Shinigami, Rem apparently, said nothing to disprove this, and Light's eyes widened, horrified at knowing he had been right about what she would do to make him obey. But then he noticed that Ryuk was laughing. Was it a bluff? Regardless, he took a deep breath, hoping to get through to her civilly and _without_ dying.

"Listen. That's not how it works!" He let some of his anger be shown, "You can't just threaten me and expect me to spontaneously change my brain chemistry! Be reasonable!" He gripped her shoulders firmly, not to harm her, but to ensure she was listening to what he said, "Misa, listen to me! You can't be my girlfriend. You can't introduce yourself as my girlfriend. If you go around introducing yourself as my girlfriend, you'll be arrested immediately, and I will be too. As I said before, _everybody_ knows I don't have much in the way of emotional attachments to people and don't even express love to my own family all too well." He noticed Ryuk turn to the other Shinigami,

"It's true, but here I thought he'd ignore that fact and go for it anyway." Light visibly relaxed, seeing out of the corner of his eye that Rem was acknowledging what Ryuk said, meaning there was a chance she would accept that Light just couldn't love Misa, regardless of the eyes. However, the real reason Light couldn't even pretend was his disgust for her, but nobody had to know that tiny detail.

"Besides," he continued, "And because of your message, there were three times the usual number of surveillance cameras. Anyone in Aoyama would have been caught on camera, including you and I. If we were seen together after that, it would be suspicious. Try to understand." Misa then brightened as though she was getting an idea, then dug a picture out of her bag,

"This was a picture of me when I went to Aoyama. I'm sure no one would recognize me like this." Light blinked a few times, realizing that _damn, she's right._ He actually remembered seeing this girl because one of his friends had pointed her out and that she seemed to be leering at him. Now that made sense.

"So, what about your fingerprints?" He tried, "The tapes you sent to the television station all have the same prints."

"Those aren't my fingerprints." Misa explained with a nonchalant hand gesture, and it was clear she was acting smug now to impress him, "I did put some thought into my actions. A little while back, I lived in the Kansai region. I had a friend who was into the occult. When I told her we should make fake ghost videos and send it to several TV shows, she agreed to help me. I had her dub ten tapes, so I didn't have to touch the tapes. I took those videotapes, recorded the dub, and added the Kira graphic on it."

Light's brow furrowed because while he had done some less than godlike things to keep himself out of prison, he hadn't thrown any of his semi-existent friends under the bus, and the only innocent kills he did were out of self-preservation, nothing more. "And what is that friend doing now?"

"If you want me to kill her," Misa snapped, "I'll kill her right now!"

"Let's not." He said, regarding Misa warily and backing up a tiny bit, making it clear that she was just proving his concerns. But instead of recognizing the error of what she was doing, she became insulted, standing up. Light did the same, so he could remain taller than her, have a little bit more power. 

"Why are you so suspicious of me?! I don't mind if you just use me! Believe me."

Curiosity got the better of him, "How can you say that?" Misa fell back down to her knees, and Light looked down at her judgementally. At this point, it was clear both Shinigami understood how this was going to end. At least Rem didn't seem murderously mad—which she probably would be if Light went with his instincts and killed Misa with the Death Note.

"Exactly one year ago, my parents were killed by a burglar right before my eyes." _Um... that's not how you properly burgle someone,_ was Light's first thought, followed by _what the hell kind of psycho burglars does she deal with?! What could she have possibly had that was so valuable a murder was the go-to to get it?_ "I couldn't forgive him. The trial was drawn-out, and some people started saying he was falsely accused." Misa continued explaining, and Light could already see where this was going, "That's when Kira punished him. Kira means everything to me. I just—I just wanted to meet you so badly! I wanted to thank you."

And it was at this moment Light almost regretted doing her a service. Whoever this criminal had been—he killed dozens of people a day, so the name of this particular burglar eluded him—had to die. Still, it seemed that in making the world a better place, Light had made himself the savior to a clearly unstable individual.

"Well, you've thanked me. Goodbye." He went to the door, but Misa grabbed his hand,

"What?! No, but you're supposed to love me, and we can build a better world!" Seeing that saying no was clearly not getting through to her, he tried a different tactic that, while it might blow up in his face, would also give him enough time to think about a proper course of action.

"Misa, I believe you are misguided, but a good person at heart. You gave up half your lifespan to find me, and I am not going to ignore that, so I will give you mercy and turn a blind eye towards your actions. However, it's dangerous for us. I am a suspect, and I don't want to put you in danger too. Please, Misa, for your own safety, leave this place and never return. The more people who know Kira's secret, the worse it will be. I wouldn't doubt L already suspects you, even without fingerprints. After all, he's zeroed in on _me_ already." 

"Oh, Light, you do care!"

"Goodbye, Misa." He showed her to the door and waved goodbye, quickly telling his mother and Sayu to keep this a secret, before walking back to his room and growling, "I give it a day before she's back, what do you think, Ryuk?"

"Why did you refuse her help?" Ryuk asked, "That's Shinigami eyes for free!"

"She's too okay with killing innocents—even her own friend! She's a nutcase, Ryuk. And if I didn't know all too well that there is a chance she wasn't bluffing about her Shinigami loving her enough to kill for her, I would arrange a little accident in a month. If I cut all ties with her, it is possible I will not be held accountable in Rem's book if she gets caught and executed, since she would be in no way working on my orders." He crossed his arms, "All I have to do is subtly lead the investigation team right to her, and take her notebook. Then I can get someone actually useful and not an insane stalker of an ally. Or maybe I'll simply mention to my father that she's been stalking me, that would get the issue dealt with extremely fast. No, L might actually be suspecting her by now, and if I was associated with her, that would essentially confirm L's suspicions."

Ryuk laughed, and Light was blissfully unaware the Shinigami was currently thinking of every single way this could become interesting and wondering if he should use his expert notebook-stealing skills and stir the pot a little. "That's a good point."

"Besides, I'm smart enough on my own. I can get L's name without Shinigami eyes. I don't know _how_ yet, but I'm going to do it."

...

"That didn't go well at all," Misa sulked as she walked home. Rem watched her. 

In truth, the Shinigami had a sense of respect for Light Yagami now. He wasn't a saint, and she was mad that he had upset Misa, but he had recognized his own morals and hadn't used Misa for his personal gain. And he had tried to let her down easy multiple times; it was admirable that he had admitted he couldn't give her that love she deserved, even if he was unaware how much Misa merited.

"Misa, Light Yagami was right, you could be killed if you continue. He was just looking out for you." Misa brightened,

"Yeah! He was! I'll visit him again tomorrow to see if he's changed his mind when he sees I'm not afraid of danger."

"Misa, I do not think Light Yagami can love you the way you wish him to," Rem pleaded, "He admitted that much."

"I know, but everybody loves Misa-Misa, he just needs to learn to appreciate it. We're going to be King and Queen of the new world, I know it! Because I'm going to do whatever it takes for Light to become mine."


	2. Chapter 2

Light found that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get Misa out of his mind. Not because he had any regrets about turning her down, but because he realized how much of a problem she would have been even if he did accept her lust. However, this also distracted him from his classes, until eventually, he felt someone tap his shoulder after class. It was Kiyomi. She was pretty and relatively smart, and maybe he would have considered asking her out once, but he knew it wasn't safe with the whole Misa situation.

"Hey, Light, are you doing okay? I noticed you've seen a little off today."

"Oh," he looked away, embarrassed that he hadn't hidden it all too well, "I've got a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Hey, do you want to go out sometime, maybe take your mind off things?" She offered, and he noticed she sounded a tad bit concerned for his wellbeing. He knew about her crush on him, and maybe this was the prime time for her to have the confidence. He sent her a regretful expression,

"Kiyomi, normally I would say yes, but I recently learned I have this stalker, and she confronted me. If I'm seen with other girls, she said she'd kill them."

Kiyomi could tell he wasn't lying because he was revealing his genuine concern, and her brow furrowed, "Really? I mean, I'm not surprised, you're a great guy, but do you really think that girl would kill anyone you're with?"

"I don't know. But I'd rather be safe than sorry. You're my friend, Kiyomi, and I don't want you to get hurt." 

Kiyomi crossed her arms, "Light, if this is really that serious, you need to go to the police about this. Why not talk to your father? Surely he would help you with this."

Light sighed, knowing it wouldn't be that simple, "I don't usually like going to my father with this kind of thing. This girl is probably going after me now since my father is distracted with a big case." 

"The Kira case?" Light shrugged,

"I don't know. He's never home, and doesn't tell me much." 

"Well, if you want, I can call the police for you. What's the girl's name?" And here was when Light had to lie. 

"I don't know. She just came up to me when I was on one of my walks late at night and demanded to be my girlfriend. When I said no, she threatened to kill anyone I was with, seemingly under the impression that I was dating somebody."

"But we don't know what she will consider to be dating or not." Kiyomi mused, "You and I could go to the movies as friends, and she might consider it like that. Meaning that you're going to have to be careful."

"I know. Thank you for listening, Kiyomi, but on the off chance she's watching, I should probably get going. And can you please keep this a secret? I'm hoping I can resolve the situation on my own. I think this is a very troubled girl, and I don't want to risk her getting locked up and killed by Kira when she actually needs help."

"You're a better man than me, Light," Kiyomi smiled, walking away, and Light started walking to the library so he could get some books since he had read all the ones he owned and needed some more to amuse himself when he had some time to spare. This was also because he had a feeling Misa was going to follow him home and jump him, and he was trying to brace himself.

Ryuk watched him as he finished checking out the books and was walking home, "I didn't think you were the type to tell other people about your problems."

"I'm not. The only reason I told Kiyomi anything," he whispered, "Is because I know her well enough that I know she is one of the only reporters who actually look for the truth. And it's human nature to want to help someone you care about, so there is a high probability she's going to attempt to get to the bottom of this, and then Misa will be arrested for stalking, nothing about the Death Note related."

He continued to walk in silence, making it to task force headquarters just on time, and he helped work on the case, already hating Misa even more for sending out another tape that made him look even more suspicious in L's eyes. Now it was _really_ going to make things difficult if she got arrested!

He was walking home, in a foul mood at this point, when he heard the shrill gleeful shout of, "Light!" 

Light spun around just in time for Misa to jump at him and send him crashing to the ground, where his head slammed onto the pavement and made his vision momentarily go dark. This was the first time in his life he had been tempted to hit a woman.

"I know you said you wanted nothing to do with me, but I had to see you! I was just on my way to your house when I saw you!" Light sat up, slowly standing, only to find her arms around his neck, and she had her best seductive face on, "So, I gave you a day, have you reconsidered? You know now that we're meant to be together now that I've given you time to think, right?"

He took her arms off him, "Misa, I never said I needed time to think. I said no, and I meant it." 

"But," she stammered, "You refused Misa-Misa, so of course you needed time to reconsider!" 

"Misa, I'm going home now, and if you follow me, I'm calling the police—which you're lucky I haven't done already." 

Misa stared at him blankly for a moment, before there was a twinkle in her eyes and a slight smirk on her face that sent a momentary shiver up Light's spine as he was already debating buying pepper spray. But right now, his headache was not only from her stupidity, but also from being slammed onto the pavement, and he could tell it was going to become a migraine quickly if he didn't get away.

"Okay, Light. Have a good night." She walked away, "I'll see you soon!"

"No, Misa—" he huffed, noticing Rem was looking back at him with an unreadable expression before flying away. 

Light sighed and walked back home.

OoOoO

Unbeknownst to Light, he had been followed all day by Mogi, who reported what he had heard and saw to L and the rest of the task force.

"So Light is being stalked by Misa Amane..." L mused, eating a caramel cup, "Seeing how many stalkers these police reports say she's dealt with, her doing the same thing, in turn, is quite the hypocritical move. Mr. Yagami, has Light had this problem before?" The chief looked to L,

"Yes, many times in his youth. I always told him that if he was going to be a police officer, it would be best if he handled the situation himself."

"And Light-Kun is very prideful," L mused, "He wouldn't go running to his father for help."

"Misa-Misa is stalking Light?" Matsuda asked, and Aizawa let out a long-suffering groan, but didn't comment on it,

"So, can we just arrest her for stalking and be done with it?"

"No." L replied, "Well, not yet, at least. If we are going to investigate Light, we can't have him knowing Mogi follows him most of the day. I was planning on arresting her tomorrow under suspicion of being the second Kira, but unfortunately, this new knowledge will make that harder."

"How so?" Soichiro asked, "From where I stand, that should make things easier."

"Because from the tape we recovered had hair and such matching that of Ms. Amane. The tape we listened to today with the second Kira saying they found the original, heavily implies Light Yagami is the first. However, if the second Kira can kill with just a face, making her killing power even deadlier than his, why would Light possibly refuse such an easy opportunity to kill me? And why wouldn't Light kill her himself?"

Mr. Yagami brightened, "Are you saying that Light being stalked by the second Kira actually decreases his chances of being the first?"

"Yes, I believe that is the case." L replied, "From what Mogi saw today, it is quite likely Misa is using her celebrity and second Kira status to make Light date her, but Light is not accepting. The fact Mogi overheard Light mention a death threat to anyone he dated supports that theory. We will investigate further into this stalking case before taking steps in the Kira case, as while capturing Misa now would solve the short-term problem, it won't help us determine if _Light_ is innocent or not."

"I understand," everyone said, and L nodded, but in the pit of his stomach, he felt a pool of dread that even if this would help the case in the long run, he was making a huge mistake. 

And, the next night, he was proven right to have been worried.

He had heard a knock at the door and opened it. They were going over various footage again, and L was surprised with how late it was to find Light standing at the door. Only something was wrong— _very_ wrong. 

Light was shivering, bleeding, and his body language showed he was _scared_. There was also a clouded and slightly dazed look in his eyes—he was drugged. He looked like he'd been assaulted. 

Looking up at L, swaying slightly as though he was close to passing out, Light mumbled, "...didn't know where else to go..." before collapsing into L's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

Watari exited the bedroom where Light had been rested, and the elderly man actually had tears in his eyes. L was pacing around the room, hoping fervently that this wasn't what he thought it was. Unfortunately, he was never wrong, and not for the first time during this case, he hated that fact.

He and Watari made eye contact, and Watari didn't need to say anything or move a muscle to get the point across that Light had indeed been raped. And L didn't need to be told that it was likely Misa Amane was the culprit.

Blood roared in his ears, and he could almost feel the temperature drop in the room as he slowly closed his eyes, entire lithe body shaking for a moment. Forcing himself to calm down, he ignored the task force's conversing and walked into his bedroom, seeing Light asleep under the warm covers, which were all the way up to his chin.

L smiled bitterly, seeing how peaceful Light looked in sleep, mind far away from the atrocious crime he had been victim to tonight. He noticed that Watari had changed Light into some pajamas instead of the torn-up clothing he had had before.

What kind of drug had been used on Light? Was there a possibility he wouldn't remember? It would be good for Light to not retain those memories, for this was a terrible misfortune nobody, not even Kira, deserved.

If Light did remember and was Kira, then Misa _should_ be dead in a week tops. L could see no reason this wouldn't be the case. Kira saw himself as a god and to be violated by someone like that would be considered a terrible offense. Or the killings may continue as usual.

But this was impossible to tell, as it was possible the killings would continue with Misa being the one to do it.

And this brought him back to the most critical issue that had every single nerve in his body supercharged, and he wasn't sure what to do. It hadn't taken long to identify the emotion he was feeling as fury, which had thankfully channeled itself into a killing calm instead of breaking things in rage.

Yet as he stood up to look out the window, he felt like he could punch something. It was his own damn mistake to not arrest Misa on the spot. If he had captured her this afternoon like he had initially planned, this wouldn't have happened.

Obviously, the most logical choice was to arrest her now. Destroy her.

Then he hesitated, realizing a _huge_ issue.

In this day and age, a man being the victim of rape was still a new concept for people to grasp, even if it had been going on for decades. However, only men were considered the culprits—which was sexist, and L had always had a problem with that, but no one man can change the world, so there wasn't anything he could do to change the stereotype.

For Light to have been raped by a woman, this getting out would destroy Light's life, reputation, any hope of being a police officer... it was a mess.

But since when had that stopped him? If he needed to lie a little about the real crimes of Misa Amane, that was _fine_. He was L, the greatest detective in the world, so why the hell would tiny details bother him?

Now, the jury would be a bigger pain. He could _arrest_ Misa, but another thing he hated about the world was how the rich and famous could get away with murder, due to lawyers cutting deals or simply being persuasive high price mouthpieces with their lies to preserve their client and get paid.

If Misa wasn't a celebrity, this would be easy as pie. But she was, so while her arrest would cause a ton of gossip and maybe dent her reputation, she was bound to be out in a month. Or she could pay her way out of prison. L tensed as he realized there may be more truth to Kira's heavily implied claim about the world being rotten than he had admitted to himself before.

If the world found out she was the second Kira, support for the mass killer would skyrocket. Again, this wasn't something L was worried about, but the _last_ thing he needed was for world leaders to be lusty for Misa and decide to spare her. 

So he decided he was going to find her, arrest her and torture her until she confessed. He would think of what to do after that later. But there was still the aforementioned celebrity issue. 

What he needed was much more... permanent... way to get rid of her.

Little did he know, a certain God of Death was feeling the same way.

...

For Ryuk, the situation was a mixed bag. He had gotten countless lessons about various crimes from Light over half a year of knowing the young man. He had found them fascinating, what humans would do to each other for thrills, and even more so how the victims responded. 

From what Ryuk had gathered, it was a hotly debated topic whether murder or rape was worse. Light was much more careful and did research into the situation with murder cases due to varying motives. But with rapists, they would have their name written the very same second Light learned of their crime.

So Ryuk knew rape was bad and could have devastating psychological consequences for the victim. Meaning that what Rem's little brat had done could have changed Light completely. 

And Ryuk liked Light. Not only was he an amusing apple provider and a constant source of entertainment, but the months had also created a bond between them, and Ryuk knew Light was someone incredible. The Shinigami knew he would never be the same after Light inevitably died.

So while he had little understanding of that sentimental crap humans talked about, he did understand that Light was his friend. Now, this didn't mean he was going to be going and sacrificing himself for the young man like a lovesick fool, he didn't want to see any harm befall Light, and was angry when it did happen. Meaning while he wouldn't rescue Light if he was arrested, he would do the honors of letting Light die peacefully before suffering through prison and execution.

As he watched Light sleep shockingly peacefully with how terrified he had been not even two hours ago, he also noticed a change in L Lawliet, Light's sworn enemy who seemed furious about what had happened. Of course, rape was bad, and all humans with a brain understood that—Ryuk was now convinced due to Misa's actions that rapists were purely _stupid_ because that girl had directly said to Light while raping him that surely he was kind to those with pure hearts. Together they would rule a perfect world, and all Light had to do was learn to love her. Ryuk knew he wasn't the brightest individual, but he did know enough from Light's lessons that even a literal God of Death could cringe at Misa's idiocy.

Regardless of that, as Ryuk flew over to see the detective's expression, he was surprised. While his face was blank, his dark eyes may as well have had a literal flame in it with how much anger was visible there.

And then Ryuk got an idea of how to amuse himself _and_ make sure Misa paid for what she did. Honestly, Ryuk had no idea whatsoever what had made Gelus sacrifice himself, and it looked like Rem was okay with doing that too, for this girl. Maybe Light was just rubbing off on him, but Ryuk just saw that girl, while pretty, as kind of annoying. Interesting, no doubt, but he would still not want to be tied to her for however long she has the Death Note.

And for what Ryuk wanted to do, L fit the bill. Light, originally enthusiastic about his ideals and ready to make big speeches about justice in the middle of class—or so he had said he used to do—had needed to step back and be calculating and cold. 

L, on the other hand, seemed to have always been calculating and cold, and only recently had to step out and be aggressive and open. Meaning he too could successfully own a Death Note, and also doubtfully have any morality issues against using it. Anger was a powerful motivator, and it was clear L was angry. And to top it all off, L being a Death Note owner would make him more reluctant to harm Light for doing the same thing, unless he was one of those people who wore their hypocrisy like a badge. 

Even if Ryuk himself did take revenge and kill Misa, Rem would just kill Light in retaliation, and the whole thing would be pointless. And grudges between Shinigami were excruciatingly _boring_ because neither could do anything to each other. Hence, the only purpose it served was to deprive you of someone else to play cards with. Did he mention the Shinigami Realm was boring as fuck?

Thankful that he had stolen yet another Death Note before coming to the human world—just in case he had wanted another situation like Taro and having two Death Notes at play—Ryuk flew over to the desk in the corner of the room and dropped the spare Death Note there.

L turned from the window, and Ryuk laughed as he instantly took notice of the notebook which hadn't been there before.

OoOoO

Rem watched Misa, who had just gotten back after buying a pregnancy test, "Misa, are you sure you need that now? Isn't it supposed to be weeks before you know?"

"I know, but I'm so excited!" Misa grinned as she tied up her hair, "If anything is going to bring us together, a baby has to do it!" 

"Misa, using the Death Note is one thing, but you do realize that Light Yagami's father now has grounds to arrest you whether you are the second Kira or not. You need to run and lay low for your own safety."

Misa turned, "Rem, Light is kind to those with pure hearts."

Rem smiled, "He may be, but his family and friends may not be." The young model jumped up, pumping her fists in determination,

"I'll lay low for a bit, and help Kira's mission. Then Light will have more time to learn to love me." Rem nodded, ruffling Misa's hair, but the Shinigami already knew from the expression she had seen on Ryuk's face that the usually indifferent apple addict was angry. She was no fool and knew Ryuk had a reputation of getting his hands on far too many spare notebooks, and Rem wasn't going to even let herself hope that maybe he didn't have one handy. If Ryuk cared for Light Yagami even a fraction of what Rem felt for Misa, he would use this new Death Note owner to get revenge.

She hoped that with Misa laying low, she might be able to go to Ryuk and stop him before he had selected someone if he hadn't already. Worst case, possibly go to the new owner and threaten them with death if they harmed Misa—or maybe asking nicely would work better depending on who the person was; Rem admittedly didn't know much about those close to Ryuk's human.

Misa put on a wig and pulled out one of her fake IDs, already looking for new apartments. "But Rem, I want to stay close to Light."

"Now is not the best time for that, Misa." Rem insisted, and Misa crossed her arms,

"But what if he just tries to forget about me and gets a new girlfriend! What about the baby?!" Rem sighed because had been no confirmation on a child, and for the sake of both Light Yagami and Misa's mental health, and that poor hopefully nonexistent child's sake, wished there never would be. Yes, Rem wanted Misa to be happy, but she wasn't ready for that yet.

"Light Yagami will never forget you, I promise. But trust me, he isn't going to be happy when the drug wears off. He may even try to kill you in a blind rage. Give him time to calm down."

Misa clearly wasn't happy, but she did nod, "Alright... I guess you have a point."


	4. Chapter 4

L had snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the tiniest of noises that would have gone unheard if this were anyone else. But he wasn't like most people, and so he heard it, and it effectively distracted him before he drifted too far into dark fantasies and an understanding of the actions of an old friend.

On the desk in the corner of the room sat a little black notebook which certainly hadn't been there a minute ago. Approaching it, L took a moment to look around and see who had set it there, before running his hand along the leather, appreciating the sensation of it under his fingertips, as he traced the letters etched into the cover.

Death Note.

As he picked it up, he jolted a little when he found himself face to face with something which was in no way human. And yet, he felt no fear, having gotten all of that out of his system when Second-Kira-Misa revealed it wasn't just a joke from Kira to taunt him.

"It really is a Shinigami," he exhaled, looking down at the Death Note in his hands. The Shinigami nodded,

"Wow, you took that a lot better than Kira did. He screamed when he saw his notebook’s Shinigami. Well, you guessed it. I am the Shinigami, Ryuk, and that used to be my notebook." 

L looked down at the notebook in question, then to where Light was sleeping. It turned out the young man was a heavy sleeper, or perhaps that was the drug talking. Once again, he felt his blood freezing in his rage, but he also saw no priority in grabbing something to warm himself. So Kira really did have a Shinigami, and did all the Shinigami know what was going on between each other? Something told him Ryuk wouldn’t tell him much on that topic.

"Used to be yours? Can't you take it back now?"

"Now that you've picked it up," Ryuk explained, "The Death Note belongs to you, so I am here until either the notebook's finished, or you're finished—meaning dead." L examined the notebook,

"This is mine?" He opened it and read the rules, "The human whose name is written in this note shall die?" He walked into another room, glad the task force had gone home, seemingly on Watari's orders. He checked a message on his phone and saw Watari was taking Mr. Yagami out for coffee to help the chief calm down and not go into a rage and put a bullet between Misa's eyes.

So this meant L was alone with the Shinigami and a sleeping Light. He instantly pulled out his laptop, getting extremely excited when he read the second rule. _This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected. Is this how Kira kills? This matches my theories! This is_ —

Too perfect. 

What if this was Kira taunting him, saying that maybe this was how he killed when it actually wasn't. So obviously, the first logical thing to do was make sure the Death Note was for real. And he needed results now.

Going onto his computer, he found a list of his resources and found a couple Death Row Inmates, and he managed to get himself some access to security cameras, so he watched as his targets collapsed and died.

His eyes widened as he tried it with another inmate and got the same result after 40 seconds.

L gaped for a moment before a dark grin slowly spread across his face, and a chuckle bubbled up as he went online, looking up Misa's name and face since he hadn't actually seen her in person, and he wanted to make sure he got the spelling right. He also read a couple more of the rules, seeing he could change how the victim died. And that was fascinating.

"Misa Amane dies by suicide." He wrote down, knowing that he couldn't use heart attacks at the moment, no matter how much he wanted to. 

OoOoO

When Light opened his eyes, he found himself dizzy and in an unfamiliar location, finding it hard to remember where he was and how he had gotten here. He sat up, blinking a few times when he realized he was in a hotel room, and he did _not_ own the clothes he was currently wearing.

He looked around for Ryuk, deciding that his first course of action was to find out where he was. It looked really familiar, but he couldn't place it. 

But then he got a look at his hands, at the dirt and small rocks under his ripped and bleeding nails from clawing at the mud to escape. Memories flashed back of the night prior. Of peace of mind, suspecting that Misa would get herself caught soon, and Kiyomi had talked to him at school about how she was going to help him with this stalker, and he couldn't talk her out of it. He remembered feeling happy, hoping that she would grow out of her crush on him, and maybe they could be friends—after all, she was a Kira supporter.

Things became blurry after someone grabbed his hand and pulled him into an alleyway, and at one point he felt rather out-of-it, unable to fight back as his eyes met Misa's, and he felt _cold_ and knew what was happening as his pants were pulled down and—

_"I love you so much, you have no idea what limits I'd go to prove that to you."_

He had to get up and run to the bathroom, feeling sick to his stomach and taking deep breaths over the toilet. It would be humiliating if he actually threw up, and someone came in.

So forced himself to push past the fog even further to remember where he was. While forcing past a headache, he grabbed a glass which was next to the sink and filled it up, taking a slow sip of water from the tap.

Light remembered feeling disoriented and scared. Safe, he needed to get somewhere safe. Misa knew where he lived, and his Mom was bound to let her in... where was safe... 

_Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki is safe, he'll protect me._

Light's eyes widened as that thought from last night popped into his head, and he instantly realized where he was and why it was familiar. He was in Ryuzaki's hotel room. Oh no, that meant L knew—or worse _his father_ knew about...

 _Dad! NO! He can't have seen me like that! He can't know about this, oh_ — _oh hell!_

He forced himself to take deep breaths and calm down. There was a chance his Dad didn't know. Maybe he had gone home early? L was a secretive person, so he would keep the secret until Light made a choice—which would be obviously no—on whether to tell people, right?

Alright, Ryuzaki would keep the secret, that was what he was forcing himself to believe as he looked down at his sleep clothes. Who had changed his clothing? Someone had stripped him down while he was asleep...

That was all he could take before he retched over the toilet, the minimal contents of his stomach coming up as tears spilled down his face.

Ryuk came in, "Light-o, are you okay?" Light was surprised by the genuine concern from the Shinigami's tone, and he looked up,

"Ryuk... who changed my clothes?"

"That old guy did, he checked over your injuries and put you in some clean clothes since yours were torn up." Light relaxed, knowing that Ryuk would tell him about if something else had happened, but he was still humiliated.

"Does my Dad know?" He paled, and his entire body trembled when he saw Ryuk nod, and he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing all his rampaging emotions down. No... he had a goal... to improve the world... he could kill—

He couldn't. If Misa's Shinigami loved her enough to kill him if he didn't date her, surely he would be killed if he removed Misa from his perfect world. 

The thoughts were accelerating inside his head, and he wanted them to slow so he could breathe, but they wouldn't. His breaths came in gasps, and he felt like he was going to pass out. His heart hammered inside his chest like it belonged to a rabbit running for its skin. The room spun, and he shrunk down even more, trying to make everything slow to something his brain and body could effectively cope with. He felt so sick, on the floor in a ball—the fetal position. _What's my name, the room is spinning..._

He was snapped out of it when he heard a knock on the door, "Light?" It was Ryuzaki. He forced himself back into being calm, standing, and splashing some water in his face. He opened the door and saw Ryuzaki standing there, "I heard a noise and wanted to make sure that was you."

Silence between them for a moment and Light felt some relief that L wasn't saying anything about what had happened last night.

"Uh... yeah." He forced a smile, trying to pretend last night didn't happen, "I'm just going to shower and then head to school. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"

Ryuzaki hesitated, "You can borrow my clothes, Light-Kun, but are you sure—"

"Yes. I'm fine, except I'm late for school." He shut the door and locked it, taking deep breaths and trying to keep his breathing even as he stripped and turned on the shower, grabbing the soap and scrubbing furiously at his skin, noticing there were marks on his thighs from where she had gripped...

_Stop... L's bound to ask questions... I can just tell him who did it—_

No, that would be worse, Light realized. If anyone found out who had done _that_ to him, there goes his entire future. Nobody would be able to take him seriously as an officer. The only way he would be able to change the world was as Kira.

But... was he changing the world as Kira?

 _"You think you're some sort of saint, but you're not."_ A dark voice whispered in the back of his mind, _"You may think she's insane, but she said so herself that she was doing it to get your attention and please you. She believes herself to be pure of heart. What does that say about the message Kira is sending?"_

He froze in the middle of scrubbing his hair, realizing that voice had a point. He was trying to make the world a better place, but what if he was just saying that crimes were okay if you believed enough in what you were doing?

_No. Snap out of it. I am making a perfect utopia, and Misa is just an idiotic horny nutcase. Surely her stupidity will get her captured soon, so I don't have to say anything, and L will do the work for me, and maybe Rem will kill him then._

_Besides, even if I do take a break from being Kira, that will just confirm Ryuzaki's suspicions about me. So I have to do my daily killings as usual, and it's a good thing I had a bunch of criminals set to die over the next few weeks as a backup._

_Calm down, you're not a victim. You're Light Yagami; God and Savior of the New World; golden son, perfect student. And now you accidentally overslept after a nightmare and are headed to school. Everybody makes that mistake from time to time._

He stepped out and quickly covered himself up with a towel, putting the pajamas on because he felt uncomfortable being even more exposed than he had been last night with Ryuzaki.

When he stepped out, there was a pair of jeans which were his size, a grey sweater, and a beige jacket, not unlike the one he typically wore. Ryuzaki had different clothes? Light had to admit he didn't usually wear jeans, so this would be new for him, but he had no plans of complaining as he changed into the clothing and rushed out the door, and he saw L's disapproving and worried expression. The detective was probably hoping that Light would tell him what happened—because it wasn't like he knew about Light's stalker problem before this. Nobody except Kiyomi knew about the stalker, and even she wasn't aware of it being Misa.

"Thanks for the clothing, Ryuzaki," he looked around, "Is the task force out?" He had to admit he expected a little more resistance. L nodded,

"Yes, they are out searching through cameras to find and arrest your rapist. Don't worry, only the task force knows, and anyone who asks will be told security footage is in search of Kira. However, I have reason to believe that perhaps the culprit was the second Kira, am I wrong?"

Light tensed, "Ryuzaki, why would the second Kira come after me? Besides, I don't even really remember what happened, so can we just drop it?" 

"Light-Kun doesn't remember?" Ryuzaki traced his lips with his thumb, "That's fortunate." 

"Yeah," Light shrugged, wishing that he hadn't forced himself to remember in search of answers. He was glad that the atrocious crime in itself while happening was still blurry, and hoped the fog in that area wouldn't clear up. "Anyway, I'll be back in a bit." In reality, he was terrified to do so, fearing Misa would be there to jump him again, but now he had dug himself a hole by saying he didn't remember. So that would mean he had no memory of a reason to be afraid. He took a subtle deep breath, realizing that he must have dropped his phone in that alleyway, but it didn't hurt to ask, "Ryuzaki, where's my phone?"

"It was badly cracked and wet," Ryuzaki explained, "Watari is taking your phone for repairs." Oh, so he hadn't dropped it. He shrugged, waving anyway and forcing himself out the door, only for Ryuzaki to get up and hand him a belt, "Tap the buckle twice, and I will be immediately sent a distress signal and your location to provide assistance. Every member of the task force has one, and it was about time you did as well." Light examined the belt before putting it on.

"Thank you." And then he was handed a small thing of... pepper spray? Oh. It took him a moment to realize what this was, "Ryuzaki, isn't this a bit unnecessary." 

"No, I don't think so. However, your father did call your teachers and tell them you're sick."

"Sick? I'm fine." Light repeated, "I just overslept, and that is no reason to miss school." 

"Light-Kun—" Light ran out the door,

"Bye, Ryuzaki! See you after school!" He kept running until he felt pain in his thigh and had to slow down, noticing that Ryuk wasn't following him. Why? Maybe he had spotted Misa?

He shuddered at the thought.

...

L didn't need to be a genius to know that Light was lying about both not remembering and being fine. Sure, it was possible Light had had a panic attack in the bathroom because he couldn't remember what had happened last night, but that just so clearly not what happened. 

At least in L's eyes, it had been clear Light remembered and suffered because of it.

_It's going to be okay, Light. I wrote Misa's name down, so she can't hurt you anymore._

He felt a cruel and foreign grin spread on his face as he turned the hotel television on, waiting anxiously for Misa Amane dying to be announced. The death of a celebrity like her would be a huge story.

He was flipping through the notebook, feeling a pleasant pulling feeling, almost as if the Death Note was telling him to write more names. Or perhaps that was his anger talking, knowing he wasn't going to have any real peace of mind until he knew without a doubt that Misa was dead.

Usually, he would be able to ask Watari to get the info, but he was currently trying to hide his involvement here, and how would he know about a model committing suicide if he wasn't Kira?

Was he actually being Kira at the moment? He supposed that even if he never used the notebook again, he technically was playing the role of Kira at the moment, killing a criminal to defend the innocent—well, it was up for debate if Light was innocent or not, but that was irrelevant.

That did mean that to pursue Kira said he was one hell of a hypocrite. Not that it mattered to him since only he and Ryuk would know that fact, but part of him was debating that if Light was Kira, find a workaround for it.

He started reading more rules in the Death Note and found himself annoyed that he hadn't thought to make Misa write a suicide note confessing to her crimes. Anger had gotten the better of him, and he acted too quickly when he could have had the perfect way to dispose of her. What a shame.

But then on the news, he saw a live interview, and one very much _alive_ Misa Amane was explaining she was going on leave from the entertainment industry for a bit due to some personal issues. Like being a rapist, but she wasn't saying that aloud.

"How is she alive?! I know the notebook works!" L looked up at Ryuk, who looked disturbed and a little concerned. He pulled his knees up to his chest, deep in thought. _Is it because she owns a notebook too? Wait... she can kill someone just by looking at their face._ "Ryuk, does the second Kira have more powers than a typical Death Note owner? Like, being able to only need a face to kill? There's someone I knew a while ago, who was born with the ability to see people's names just by looking at them."

"Huh? I've never heard of someone being born with the ability," Ryuk said, "But there is a deal for the eyes of a Shinigami. In exchange for half of your lifespan, you will be able to see the name and lifespan of anyone you see."

"Are other Death Note owners immune to having their name written down?"

"Don't know. I know that when it's your time to die, it falls onto me to write your name down, but I'm not the most knowledgeable of Shinigami. _Maybe_ Death Note owners can't have their names written down by others."

L thought about it. And if B had somehow been born with those eyes, it meant he was probably alive and also out of prison, which was quite unsettling to think about, but not for him to worry about at the moment.

"So how much lifespan do I have?"

"Sorry, it's against the rules for me to tell. So, Lawliet, are you going to take the deal or not?" L tensed, realizing the Shinigami really did know his name.

He thought about it. Half of his lifespan could either be a lot or not much, depending on how much he had left. But that didn't even matter. Yes, it was possible that as a performer, Misa Amane was just an alias, and that was all there was to it here, and Death Note owners could, in fact, kill each other. The eyes would make getting that name easy as pie.

However, what if this was just a thing about the Death Note, and the owners couldn't kill each other? Then that was half of his lifespan gone. This didn't mean much to L, but then he remembered what had become of B, who had gone mad. While L was sure grief played a large part in it, he had always suspected that the psychological issue, which was apparently a literal superpower, had played a significant role in it too. And Misa's instability could partially come from having the eyes of a Death God. She was without a doubt the type to halve her lifespan to get what she wanted.

It wasn't a hard choice to make when he put some thought into it. He stood up, grabbing a pen and his computer, ready to test the limits of what he could do. 

"Ryuk, I have no need for Shinigami eyes. I can quickly get access to her birth certificate or any records of her changing her name. But at the moment, I need to find a way to get in contact with Misa's Shinigami and find out if it really is something about Death Note owners." Ryuk laughed,

"Rem is very protective of Misa. She will kill you and anyone who refuses or harms Misa." But instead of dissuading L, this just made him chuckle,

"Ryuk, go find Light and tail him. If he is attacked, come back and get me immediately." Ryuk laughed again,

"That'll cost you."

"Cost me what?"

"Apples." That had L surprised,

"So like a crate of apples? Or a pie?" Ryuk's eyes widened as though this Death God was a child in a candy store,

"I was expecting an offer of only one apple! I'll take either of those! You're a fantastic human!" He took off, and L blinked a few times, bemused, before asking Watari to bring him an apple pie when he was done. And he looked up at the interview, and Misa was chuckling.

_Misa Amane, don't think just because you have a Shinigami protecting you that I won't take you down. Even if I have to throw hands with a Shinigami, I will do it. You've made yourself a powerful enemy. Let's see how long you last._


	5. Chapter 5

Light had thankfully made it to school by the time his psychology class was starting, getting to his seat and taking in gulps of air after running the whole way. He checked to make sure there were no bloodstains on his borrowed jeans, and thankfully there was no trace of what happened last night. He then realized he didn't have his bag. He cursed under his breath, then jolted when he felt a hand on his shoulder, before relaxing when he saw it was Kiyomi,

"Where were you earlier?" She asked, "I was worried your stalker got you." Light grimaced. Kiyomi had no idea how right she was, except she probably thought Light had been chained up in a basement. He shuddered at the thought as it flashed through his mind, chains leaving him trapped, Misa's twisted lovesick grin. 

And then he was back in the alleyway, _"Please, no, no, I don't want this,"_ he remembered himself begging as the drug set in, and that's where everything became fuzzy, and yet he instantly felt disgusted that he had needed to resort to begging in the first place.

He forced himself to snap out of it, seeing Kiyomi's worried expression as the lecture began, and she still seemed more concerned about his wellbeing. He smiled hollowly, hoping he could fake it reaching his eyes,

"I did have a run-in with her, and a friend let me stay over, and then I overslept. Dad thought I was sick and called in for me, but I'm fine." 

"Oh." She furrowed her brow, "Well, I'm glad you're okay."

Light could only nod in response, trying to focus on the lecture and not the slightly hysterical vision of his future involving being kidnapped and more than likely bondage. He dug his nails into his palm, but with how torn up they were, it didn't create the little half-moons or cause the pain in his palms that would distract him. It did cause little burning sparks at the very tips of his fingers, which only served to remind him of the atrocious crime he had fallen victim to. 

What the hell was wrong with him?! Yes, something terrible had happened, but the nauseous churning of his stomach and the inability to think about anything else was pathetic. 

Maybe he wasn't giving himself enough credit. It had happened barely over twelve hours ago, and from what he had read, most victims were disasters for a long time afterward, so perhaps even being able to come to school today made him above others. 

Deep down, he knew this was utter bullshit, but that's what he told himself. And it worked.

For all of two hours. And after that, Light was in the third-floor girls' bathroom, the third stall, sobbing hysterically with his jacket's hood up. 

Now, here was the reason for this particular choice of location for a breakdown: for some reason, it was a popular thing in Japanese culture for all sorts of ghosts haunting the girls' bathroom. The most notable of them was Hanako, who haunted the third-floor bathroom in the third stall. While Hanako was the least violent of the respective toilet ghosts, the urban legend surrounding it led to the third floor being avoided like the plague to the point it seemed like a waste of money to have the thing built anyway. But for Light, who needed somewhere to compose himself that nobody would think to look, this worked wonderfully.

He did wonder, with all the Shinigami mayhem, if these ghosts were actually real. And with how he felt right now, he wouldn't mind if they were.

Ryuk watched him for a moment, unsure of what to do, before exiting the mini-room that was the bathroom stall. Light didn't notice, tearing at his hair and trying to get himself under control, taking frantic gulps of air. He looked down at the belt L had given him, with a buckle he could tap if needed. Then he glared down at it.

_I'm a wreck! This is pitiful, why am I so torn up about this? I never believed in that sentimental crap about the first time, why is this bothering me so much?! Am I really so worthless and overemotional that I would even consider messaging L, my sworn enemy, to pick me up?!_

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard someone knock three times on the stall door, "Are you there, Hanako-San?" 

Was that... L? Judging by his tone, this was a joke, and he was actually fully aware Light was hiding in here. But what was L doing here?

Three more knocks, and then it seemed as though Ryuzaki was hesitating, "Are you there, Light-Kun?" 

Light hesitated, wiping his eyes and nose with his sleeve, realizing he probably looked like a wreck, and he didn't want his enemy to see him like this. But he also knew L knew he was here and wasn't planning on leaving until Light left the stall. _What to do, what to do?_

"I'm here," he said quietly, opening the stall door, looking down at the floor at Ryuzaki's shoes, but then he noticed something and looked up, seeing Ryuzaki was wearing a form-fitting black trench coat which brilliantly complimented his dark hair and eyes, and the contrast to his snow-white skin was—

 _Wha-What!?_ First, he's sobbing in the bathroom and now freaking out a bit because Ryuzaki looked really good in the trench coat? It—It was just the shock of him wearing something different, which he hadn't done in the nearly two months they had known each other face-to-face. _Yeah, that's all. That's it._

OoOoO

Maybe it was paranoia that had left L unable to focus on the case after an hour. Misa was alive, and Light had gone to school, meaning she could get him. And there was no more new evidence, so L checked how chilly it was outside, threw on the first remotely coat-like thing in his closet, and hurried to the school to make sure Light was okay. He had been a fool for not putting his foot down on Light staying at headquarters today or at least have someone with him until the situation with Misa was resolved.

The act of actually locating Light had been tricker since To-Oh University had a large campus, and L knew Light's classes were scattered about. Thankfully, after pulling some strings, L had the same courses at the same time as Light, and thus he knew where Light could be.

But really, why would Light want to go to school? This wasn't America where it was required or else you fell behind. Japanese college had many classes where you don't even need to attend—just finish a report or essay by the end of the semester, and that's that. So Light could afford a day to rest. 

What he needed to find was Ryuk, and his Shinigami would tell him where Light was. It was because of this that L had purchased an apple from the store, to see if he could lure the God of Death with fruit. It would prove useful if he planned to contact Misa's Shinigami.

After looking everywhere Light should be and not finding him or Ryuk, L was growing increasingly worried as he saw Light's friend. What was her name... Takada? Oh, yes, Kiyomi Takada.

Thankfully, she was the one to call out to him, "Hideki-San!" He walked over to her,

"Takada-San, have you see Light?" She tensed,

"I was hoping he was with you. Was he staying at your place last night?"

"Yes. Light ran off earlier to come to classes even though he should be resting. It's only a matter of time before he works himself into the ground. So when was the last time you saw him?"

"Just before chemistry," she hugged the textbook she was carrying, and it was clear she was worried, "He ran in at the beginning of psychology, and he seemed tired, and like something was bothering him, but otherwise okay. Then on the way to chemistry, about two hours after he arrived, he turned away from chemistry in a different direction."

L nodded, "Okay. I'll find him." He then had a piece of paper in his hand,

"My number. Listen, something is going on in Light's life. He needs all the help he can get. Let me know when you find him."

"I will." He rushed in the direction of the chemistry classroom, searching for where Light would go. Then he checked his phone to see if the tracker on Light's belt buckle would say he's at the school still. It did. 

But he kept his phone out as he put it to his ear as though he was on the phone, which proved beneficial as he went up the stairs and saw Ryuk, "Ryuk, what information do you have for me?" To anyone who couldn't see the Shinigami, 'Ryuga' was just on a phone call, not talking to a God of Death. He supposed the task force would believe L having someone tail Light again, so could he try this even in the middle of the case? He didn't want to risk it, but honestly, the officers he was working with were so stupid it would probably work. But then again, he knew full well they had suspected him of being Kira.

"Light's been crying in the bathroom for a while. It's not like he's going anywhere, so I've been guarding the door to make sure nobody goes inside."

"Thanks. I can handle things from here." He walked into the bathroom and then handed Ryuk an apple before approaching the third stall, where he heard broken sobbing and hiccups coming from Light. His heart clenched, hearing those sounds coming from the typically stoic young man. L took a deep breath, deciding maybe a joke would distract Light. He knocked three times as per how you're supposed to summon Hanako, "Are you there, Hanako-San?" 

Light's crying came to an instant halt, and he heard the young man suck in a breath, trying to be silent. L gave a bitter smile and knocked again,

"Are you there, Light-Kun?"

There were a few more moments of silence, and then he heard a meek, "I'm here" as the door opened, and Light was looking down at L's shoes, and L could see his friend's eyes were red and puffy, and tear tracks stained his cheeks. It didn't take a genius to know that Light was embarrassed about his vulnerability.

Then he noticed Light's eyes widen a bit, and a tiny blush appear on his cheeks, but he didn't think much of it, "Light-Kun, are you okay?"

"What are you doing here, Ryuga?" Light asked softly, as though he was trying to be quiet enough that the lump in his throat wouldn't be noticed.

"I was worried about you, and I might as well come to class from time to time. There's no need really, but I might as well." Light didn't say anything, looking away and wiping at his eyes again, and L decided to clear something up, "I knew you were lying to me—about not remembering what happened. I don't want you destroying yourself by trying to hide that fact."

"It's fine." Light walked over to the bathroom sink and splashed his face, "I'm fine." 

"Light-Kun, I'm a detective, that's not going to work on me." Light then turned with a glare,

"How did you even find me?"

"I knew I'd find you somewhere nobody would be brave enough to look." He took Light's hand, "Come on, I get if you don't want to lay around and rest, but you should take a break today. I'll buy lunch—I know you haven't eaten anything." 

"If I say yes, will you not tell my father about..." he gestured to their current location. L smirked a little because he had been planning to keep the secret anyway, and now Light had no choice but to take a break and eat something.

"I won't tell him." He held his hand out, "Come on, Light-Kun, let's go." 

...

Light looked at the extended hand, too proud to accept it. He crossed his arms, realizing quickly it was more him hugging himself even more pathetically, so his hands rested at his sides, "Okay." Then he noticed something at L's hip, which he wouldn't have seen if he hadn't been over-examining every part of L to avoid making eye contact, "Is that a—?!" he gestured to the _gun_ L was carrying.

L paused, looking down at it, and then he pulled out an FBI badge, which read "Rue Ryuzaki." Light already knew that was a false name—and led him to wonder why the actual FBI agents hadn't had aliases on their badges.

"Only if it's essential," L assured, checking his hip and making sure it was even further concealed. But there was something unspoken that if L had been the one to get jumped, he would have been able to defend himself—unlike Light. Maybe that was Light's shaken self-esteem talking because L's eyes and expression didn't show any sign of that being his thoughts.

And yet, even with his sworn enemy in possession of a technically illegal firearm, Light felt much safer with L here, knowing L wouldn't let him get hurt. Just like last night, he realized L was safe and would protect him if needed. And then he was reminded why he had needed to wonder whose safe and he tensed, taking a deep breath and forcing his tongue against the roof of his mouth—a strange little trick which helped him over the years to not cry.

One thing he also noticed was that L didn't seem to pity Light. He was worried and concerned, that much was obvious, but at least not giving visible _pity_. It was a small detail, but it made him feel better.

He realized L was holding Light's hand now, guiding him down the hall, but his grip was extremely loose, meaning Light could get out of it without effort.

"Where are we going?" He asked, and L let go of Light's hand,

"Remember the cafe you showed me? You mentioned it was one of your favorites, so I thought we could get some lunch there." 

"Oh... Ryuga, I'm actually not hungry, we don't have to go. We should get back to the case." L turned back, and Light knew that L wasn't even going to pretend he believed that. Light mentally kicked himself, because he couldn't let his rampaging emotions get in the way of his lies. If he kept fucking up and being a failure, he might as well confess to being Kira.

But what L said surprised him, "My main focus is Misa Amane, and I currently have Watari searching for information on her new residence and such after there was an interview about her leaving the entertainment industry due to personal issues."

"Misa Amane? Why?" Oh god, did L know? This was even worse! Not only did he know about the rape, but also it being a woman who he should have been able to overpower! 

"There is evidence she is the Second Kira, and thus finding her should give us clues towards how Kira kills—which will help the investigation with the much more intelligent first Kira. So at the moment, Kira is going to have a reprieve."

Okay... so did L know, or did he not? He had mentioned earlier the idea of the Second Kira being the culprit, so he at least suspected, and that wasn't good. But what could he do besides praying L didn't figure out?

Well, he had no plans of questioning L's choice, because this meant Misa would be taken out, or L would die by being killed by Rem. But then surely Watari or Light's father would ensure Misa was in prison once Rem was disposed of, so it seemed like a win-win, right?

Nausea churned in his stomach for so many reasons, and he took deep breaths, deciding it would be best to hurry so he could sit down, and maybe eat the tiniest amount of food.

"Alright, Ryuga... lead the way."


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting at the cafe, Light took a drink from his coffee as L ate some cake. The detective watched him with mixed intrigue and concern, noticing Light hadn't touched his food. He knew better than to directly say anything about it, but that didn't change the fact he was goading Light with his eyes, saying, "Come now, please eat." 

Light looked up at him, then down at the food, he too said nothing, but his expression had a reply of, "I don't think I can."

Well, what did he expect? Light had been raped not even twenty-four hours ago. Still, with the other theories that L had regarding Light's mental health, this was a worrisome notice.

He still needed to ask Light questions about the situation, but was it insensitive to ask so soon? He knew Light was in a delicate state right now, and he didn't want Light to get any worse. But perhaps the idea of his rapist being brought to justice would give him peace of mind.

"Light, how well did you know Misa Amane before last night?" 

He saw Light's expression change very quickly, countless emotions being shown in his eyes, as though he had no idea what to do with this newfound knowledge. He looked down, picking at his food, but still not eating.

"I can't say."

"Because you believe she'll kill you?" Silence. Light wasn't looking at him,

"Ryuzaki, can we please not talk about this?" He whispered, and L sighed,

"I know it's difficult, but I want to bring you peace of mind that I am going to arrest Misa Amane, I just need to know how long you were dealing with her before things spiraled."

Light bit his lip, and for a moment, L wondered if he was going to answer, and was pleasantly surprised when he did, "Only a couple days. It was close to midnight on the 25th when she came to the door, and she touched me with something, revealing a... monster... and she said she had been watching me for a long time and she couldn't wait anymore."

_So Misa is, without a doubt, the second Kira and has a Shinigami. Okay..._

"I didn't know what to say. My first thought was Misa had somehow learned I wrote the message of our made-up Kira. I lied to Mom and Sayu previously about me having a girlfriend, as a coverup for working on the case with you, so that was what I used to let her in." L cringed,

"And you didn't know what her intentions were, leading you right into her trap." Light nodded,

"It was my fault. It was the first lie I could think of, so Mom didn't know I was on the task force." Now hold on, was Light blaming himself for getting raped? That wasn't like the usually proud teen at all. "But it's not like Misa knew what the lie was, because all I said to Mom when she was around was 'I already told you about her.'"

"Let me guess, once you were alone, she started demanding to be your girlfriend." Light nodded,

"First of all, I asked her how she found me, and then she was obsessing over me after saying she had been following me. The strange thing was the only time she mentioned Kira was when she was trying to threaten me into submission and saying that I could rule by her and Kira's side. Maybe she found out who was on the task force but needed your name?"

This was strange. L could tell there was something Light left out—most likely, he knew about the Death Note from Misa but didn't want to implicate himself with that knowledge. He also suspected there was an ulterior motive to Light telling him all of this. Or perhaps he was just the chief's son and knew the protocol.

"It could always be that she saw your deductive powers as useful to Kira, as I saw it as such for the investigation, but upon stalking you, began to develop lust alongside that."

"That's what I'm thinking. But, Ryuzaki, you do realize that just by talking to me, you're putting yourself in danger. The events at Sakura TV last month proves she can kill with just a face, so even if she doesn't know your identity, she may murder you just for associating with me."

"Yes, I have thought of that possibility. But with Misa Amane's interview saying she was going to be temporarily moving to an undisclosed location for some time, I am not worried at this given moment."

Light relaxed a bit, but he was still quiet as he spoke, "So what are you going to do?"

"Locate her and arrest her. See, Light, the biggest issue here is her celebrity status, which could bail her out of prison. And if I announce her as the second Kira, support will skyrocket, and the last thing we need is lusty politicians trying to shut down my investigation. Not that it would mean anything, but it would still be a nuisance."

Light nodded, and what he said next both fascinated and shocked L to his very core, not expecting someone who knew he was a suspect would say such a thing to L the detective's face, "It's moments like this I understand why Kira is doing this. Killing her with a heart attack would make the matter much simpler, so if you did arrest her and she died, that would be that."

"So, you do agree with Kira's ideals?"

"I won't deny that his ideals are close to my own. Lying won't get me anywhere on that. Of course, _I_ wouldn't actually kill anyone, but especially... given the circumstances... harsher punishment for rape would be something I would change about the world. Besides, if Kira did kill Misa, support for him would drop, just as you said about Misa's celebrity status causing her to be released from prison, it works in our favor too if that were to happen."

That was a take on the situation that L hadn't seen before, and he grinned, "I like that idea. Once you finish eating, we can head back to the task force headquarters and explain the theory to the others." 

But then he remembered that Misa couldn't be killed with the Death Note for an unknown reason, so this plan wouldn't work as splendidly as it would if L didn't know this. That being said, even if Light was Kira and he knew this already, why would L know this unless he was familiar with the Death Note?

In truth, even if Light was Kira, he would be an invaluable ally in catching Misa, because his own personal motive to have that psycho behind bars would likely override the need to keep his secret.

At the moment, L's main goal was to make sure Light ate some damn food and to get in contact with Misa's Shinigami to get some more information. 

_"Rem is very protective of Misa. She will kill you and anyone who refuses or harms Misa."_

Okay, maybe that would not be easy. That was another serious obstacle. L needed to get rid of the God of Death or countless lives could and would be lost, but how? He knew he could do it, but he needed to come up with a plan. 

Light looked down at his food one last time before L huffed, ordering a muffin and putting it in front of him, "Mangiare."

"What?"

"Eat. From what I've estimated, the last time you could have eaten was eighteen hours ago, you need to eat _something_." 

Light looked down at the chocolate chip muffin as though contemplating the secrets of the universe, before picking it up and taking a bite, "There, happy?"

"Yes. Shall we get going?" Light nodded a bit, and L noticed Light was staying close to him.

...

Light didn't know what had possessed him to tell L anything about Misa or have any semblance of honesty, but at the same time, he just didn't care. L knowing the culprit of the rape—that wretched word—was humiliating enough. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was excited by the anger he noticed in L's eyes because then Rem would just off L and kill herself in the process, and then nothing would be there to stop Light from killing Misa himself. 

However, he and L both had a point about Misa's celebrity status screwing this up. Maybe on a typical day, Light figured, he would come up with an ingenious plan to force Misa to confess to her crimes while recorded. But then his life was over because if anyone found out he was the victim, there go all his dreams. 

As he and L walked, he found himself gravitating towards Ryuzaki, as though the detective could protect him.

He didn't feel like talking, and he found himself drifting back to what Misa had said while doing _that,_ feeling more of himself break as those memories returned and became less and less blurry as the day progressed.

_"Our pure hearts together can create a perfect world."_

_Did she... did she really think... No, she's insane and delusional, thinking she's above everyone just because she has a Death Note, and that's an excuse for her actions. Or perhaps because she's famous. She's merely entitled and psychotic, an exception, that's not what people think Kira wants._

But what if it was? When he thought about it, what if people took him killing the FBI agents, not as self-defense but as condoning murder for the sake of what you believe in. Wasn't that what the worst people in history had preached? As Kira, Light knew the full story, but how would he feel about Kira if he wasn't and didn't know the reason behind the FBI agent deaths?

What if Misa hadn't known, and that was why she killed so many police officers just for the hell of it? And what if keeping Misa alive with her appalling acts made people continue to believe Kira was the bad guy? It would sway public view until the only people who worshipped Kira were the insane—the criminals. His perfect world would become a dystopia.

And this was all his fault. If he had just accepted Misa, he might have been able to control her, and she wouldn't have... if she thought he was tolerating her, she might not have...

He couldn't even go home, because of that stupid lie, now his mother or Sayu might just let Misa in and think anything she did was okay by him. Even if he did tell them, he could already hear Sayu saying he was dramatic, and Misa was perfect or some shit like that, and he should suck it up because she wanted a celebrity as a sister in law.

L paused, turning back to him, "Light-Kun?" But his voice was drowned out as Light realized something even worse.

He was nothing without the Death Note.

_No Death Note, and I was powerless to stop someone much smaller than me. Damnit, I should have fought harder! I'm a tennis champion, surely I'm strong enough to have shoved off Misa!_

He hadn't realized his legs had given out under him until he felt himself getting picked up. It was a weird feeling like he was watching this happen as he saw L carry him like one would a child, and he noticed himself cling to the detective like a koala, as though he just didn't care there were people around. 

...

L had recognized the moment Light had started breaking down, and the fact they were in public made this even more frightening, having not expected this until they got back to headquarters. What was going on in Light's head to create such a reaction? Had he just snapped from what had happened? 

He had not expected Light to cling to him the way he did. He wondered if maybe getting Light to talk to an anonymous sexual assault hotline would be beneficial. Of course, with how proud Light typically was, he may refuse.

The walk back to headquarters was a short one, and L looked towards Ryuk, letting his concern be known, and the Shinigami flew above Light, looking at him curiously as though he didn't know what was going on.

Once he got back, he saw he was still alone. No doubt, Mr. Yagami would be out all hours searching for the evidence to convict Misa. Watari would likely be back first after looking through records as L had requested, and the rest of the task force would return close to dinner. That was about four hours. 

He set Light on the bed, calling for room service since it was still lunchtime, and Light had dropped the muffin. He usually would accept Light's situation and if he had little appetite, but Light was unhealthily underweight and skinny. While L wasn't any better, that didn't change the fact he was concerned, and food was the primary way he knew how to comfort himself, so he hoped maybe something to eat would help Light.

He turned and noticed Light had cried himself to sleep. L sighed, throwing a blanket over Light and then pulling out the Death Note and reading through the rules, playing around with them on criminals. Could he make someone stab Misa? Perhaps he hadn't been able to kill her by suicide if that wasn't something she would typically do. 

Alright, time to hunt down some of Misa's old stalkers and get them to stab her.

For a couple hours, he did research, and just to be safe, he wrote the names of multiple of Misa's stalkers to have them shank her before killing themselves. Surely one of them would be okay to stab her, and even if they didn't and simply died of heart attacks, then that would be even more implications towards Misa being Kira. While that would lead to the potential of increasing support for Kira, he wasn't planning on making this public. Lock her up for illegal drug possession—and she had drugged Light, so this worked—and then have a little fun in forcing her to confess to being Kira.

Damn, but that Shinigami would kill to protect. He needed to stop forgetting that not-so-little detail.

"Ryuk, how do you kill a Shinigami?" He asked softly, and Ryuk looked at him oddly,

"Why do you want to know?"

"Misa's Shinigami."

"Oh. Well, I don't know how to do it, but I'm sure Rem does."

L sneered, "So the one I'm trying to kill is the one who knows." He looked through the rules, "Shinigami can't have sex with humans? I know that would generally be common sense, but I didn't think it would be an actual rule."

"Yeah, that rule came to be a little over twenty years ago. I think the old man was just bitter someone got laid, and it wasn't him." L laughed a little bit despite himself, but unfortunately, he was sure this rule was not going to help him. He needed a way to trick or convince a Shinigami who knew the rules to break them.

This whole situation would be so easy—he could _destroy_ Misa without Light getting involved at all—if it weren't for that damn Shinigami. He continued to look through the Death Note at the instructions, noticing the rule about giving up ownership and thus your memories. He turned towards Light, who was breathing heavily but still remained in the realm of slumber. 

In truth, L deeply cared about Light and didn't want to hurt him, especially after what he had gone through last night. If it came down to it, in a life or death situation, he could force Light to give up ownership, right?

That aside, L sighed, thinking towards the laws he had been frustrated about over the years but knew he couldn't do anything about—in the UK, women literally could not be charged with rape due to those stereotypes. Even a sexual harassment charge was more than likely dropped. And that's just for a woman, but a celebrity could get away with anything. 

And then there were Japan's bullshit laws on rape. In Japan, the odds of being arrested after raping a _woman_ are low, and the odds of actually being prosecuted are a flip of the coin—slightly weighted toward no prosecution. Even if the rapist was found guilty, there was a good chance they may never spend a day in jail if they say sorry and pay damages. That person wouldn't even be registered as a sex offender!

Of the arrests made for rape and sexual assault every year, only roughly half, maybe even less, end up being prosecuted, according to the Ministry of Justice figures the last time L checked. 

And this was in the stereotypical man rapes woman case! Men weren't even recognized as rape victims in Japan, so Misa was not going to see any time for this, and there was nothing L could do about the fact, or the possibility Light would be pressured by society's expectations to be with her. This only served to fuel L's fury even more, to the point his whole thin body was shaking, fists clenched tightly.

Was Kira right? Before now, he had thought Kira was simultaneously naive and jaded, a child who didn't understand the good in the world. But now that L thought about it, and saw an unfair situation where Light and any other victim couldn't get the justice they deserved, he realized the justice system and even the world itself was corrupt.

No one man could change the world, L knew this, but maybe he could take the crucial first step. After all, he was the three greatest detectives in the world. Wasn't it his job to make sure justice was served?

What had initially been a fun game of cat and mouse was something dangerous and personal now. And who knows, perhaps being able to arrest Misa Amane after defeating a God of Death would be the most satisfying victory of all. 

OoOoO

A week had passed, and nothing was different, and yet everything at the same time. 

Light still helped with the case, theorizing about Shinigami and how Kira killed, to find a way to safely arrest Misa without getting slaughtered. He seemed much more invested and interested than he had been before, which told L that if Light was Kira, he was curious about these answers too and was okay to work with L because of it. 

But Light didn't talk to his father, avoided him whenever possible. Mr. Yagami tried to reach out, but Light wouldn't go home and would prefer to hide with L. So father and son were still as distant as when the case began, but for a different reason.

Light had gone home once to grab his own clothes and such, and he would hide in the bathroom, taking longer showers. L didn't mind even though he was pretty sure Light was being Kira in there, because L himself was also being Kira while Light was doing that. Once again, the damn stalkers had failed to kill Misa and died of heart attacks in their homes, and it was getting to the point L was getting ready to hire a hitman, but the problem was Misa had gone into hiding, and it was taking longer than L deemed acceptable to find her. 

The most significant change was the fact Light's trauma had led to nightmares, which led to him rushing into the bathroom and unloading the unfortunately still minimal contents of his stomach.

But today, Light had woken up more determined, telling L he was headed to school. He seemed much more like himself today, eating half a muffin, already dressed and ready to go.

L was throwing on his trench coat, and Light shook his head, "No, I've already been hiding with you too much. Focus on the case, and I'll be back."

"Baby steps, Light-Kun. Don't push yourself too much." Light cringed, but he still nodded. He hadn't been delivering justice as often in the last week or attending classes. He was slipping! More pathetic weakness like this, and he might as well turn himself in.

"I'll be okay, Ryuzaki. Actually, focus on the case, I'll tap my belt if I need help." He forced himself towards the door, tuning out anyone else offering to go with him because he had to go alone. It was the only way he would be able to get back to normal. No, he was not disillusioned enough to even let himself think L wasn't going to have him tailed, but that was close enough since he wasn't supposed to know.

...

He would be fine. Sure leaving headquarters was what got him into this mess, but this wasn't the route to his house. She had found him by luck—whether said luck was excellent or atrocious depended on which person was asked. And unless she was far dumber than expected and the only way to describe her would be too offensive, she should know that she had pissed off Kira, and it was more than likely someone was going to hunt down and kill her.

Getting to school was a short enough walk, and he felt himself calming a bit, but not letting his guard down. He had done research, and freezing up was normal. But this time he was prepared for it, so surely he would be able to fight back or at least run this time.

He thought about the fact Misa might kill him for refusing her, but at this point, he found he could care less. And it sent shivers up his spine, the thought of that threat and especially how little he cared.

"Light!" He jolted, but then relaxed when it was just Kiyomi, "I'm glad you're back. Are you okay?"

"Oh... just having some trouble at home. Dad's needed help keeping everything under control, and since we don't actually have to be here..."

"Life is just not being kind to you." Light shrugged,

"Yeah. On the bright side, a week at home means I haven't had to deal with my stalker."

"Have you talked to your parents about it?"

"I doubt Mom and Sayu would believe me, and Sayu wouldn't even care about that if she found out who it was. But Dad found out on his own, and he's less than pleased."

Kiyomi smiled, passing him some papers, "These are notes from what you missed. I made a copy for you so you can get caught up." 

Light forced on a smile, but he was genuinely grateful for the gesture, "Thank you, Kiyomi."

"Try to get some sleep, too." She smiled a bit, "You need it." Ah, so he really did have bags under his eyes. Not a shock, but he had been wondering if he imagined it when looking in the mirror that morning.

He felt a sense of relaxation while sitting in class with a friend. There was a tiny bit of fear in the back of his mind that she would try to hurt him if her crush festered into something worse. But he calmed himself, taking comfort in the fact that even if the infatuation didn't fade, Kiyomi had a brain and would accept him not wanting a romantic relationship. 

He debated asking her about Kira and her thoughts, to find more insight on if he was doing the right thing. He knew she supported his alter ego, but not why. But that conversation would have to be private, and if Misa found out...

That relaxation faded as he quickly looked around the room to make sure nobody was staring at him. Well, multiple people were, but not with lust, and he bit his lip, seeing all the concern. He probably looked like shit. He knew he had gotten even thinner in the last week, having lost another ten pounds just like when he had first found the Death Note. 

After a couple lessons, Light noticed it was close to lunch. Baby steps... maybe it was time to head back for the day. If he went back at lunch and built up, he didn't risk humiliating himself with another breakdown, and this way, L wouldn't appear out of nowhere. 

He looked towards Ryuk, who was still following him dutifully, but then the Shinigami's eyes widened for some unknown reason.

"Oh, Light!" 

_Oh no..._

Misa ran up to him, wrapping her arms around him. She was wearing a wig, probably to avoid the press, but he knew that face and that voice anywhere. She went to kiss him, but he managed to force his body to obey him, and he shoved her away, trying to hide the terror he felt. 

"Don't be like that, Light," Misa pouted, "Is that how you treat your girlfriend? Come on, give me a kiss."

"No." He growled, "And you are not my girlfriend. If you think that stunt you pulled last week would make me change my mind, you're dumber than I thought." He still found himself unable to back up, as once again his damn body wasn't letting him run like he so desperately wanted to. 

_No! I prepared for this, so why am I freezing up right now?!_

He looked around desperately for someone who could help him, but while it was clear for him what was going on, it looked to an onlooker like he had been caught by surprise by maybe an ex.

Misa just giggled, "You'll come around. Everyone does! But come on, let's go get some ice cream at this coffee shop I know you like. I like it too! I have big news to tell you!" She grabbed his shaking hand, then her face became dangerous, "And if you find a way to call the police, I'll kill them."

He didn't want to. But as things were, did he have a choice? He had a scrap of the notebook in his watch, but no... Rem was watching him as though reminded him he needed to obey Misa.

She would kill him, or worse, attack an innocent to make him listen. He couldn't press on the belt buckle, or the task force would be led to their deaths. That would be good, he tried to tell himself, because they were in his way, but then he remembered what he had been afraid of all week and the idea made him feel physically ill. 

"Make this quick," was all he could say, feeling even more pathetic than before as he once again found himself in a pitiful bind. 

There was no way he could be an officer worth anything. Nobody would respect him for not fighting back. But too much innocent blood had been spilled because of Misa.

He didn't want to be the cause of more.


	7. Chapter 7

L had still been distracted while working on the case with the task force when Ryuk had flown in frantically. It didn't take a genius to know that something was seriously wrong, so he subtly flicked the ringer on his phone to buzz, giving the illusion of a message, and he answered so he could discuss with the Shinigami, "What is it? Is it Light?"

"Who's that?" Matsuda asked, and L looked to the other officer,

"I have someone tailing Light to make sure he doesn't get attacked." Ryuk started talking, and L pressed the phone to his ear,

"Misa dragged Light away at school! I said I was bored and would fly around, and I came to get you. She said she wanted to talk to him about something."

"Where?" L growled, and Ryuk started flying away,

"That coffee shop you two like." L 'hung up,' eyes wide,

"Misa has Light. I know where they are, but since Kira can kill with just a face, we need tinted helmets." He then called for the NPA to arrive at the cafe immediately with their helmets and bringing extra, grabbing the one he had handy off the nightstand and two guns, throwing on his trench coat. The chief was following him, but L was running faster than he had ever gone before, a small part of him hoping the police beat him to it because he was sure nothing would stop him from firing a bullet into that bitch's eye.

As he ran, he noticed there was a message from Kiyomi,

Takada: Light's been kidnapped. I don't know where you are, but I heard from a classmate that Light was led away, and he was not happy about it. Get down here and help us find him.

L nodded, glad that Light had people who cared, and he messaged back while running.

Hideki: I heard. I already called the police and am on my way there now.

_Please be okay, Light._

...

Light felt as though he would be sick, his entire body trembling, and he could already tell he had gone paler. Misa looked up from her ice cream and giggled,

"You don't need to be so bashful, Light." Light looked around, feeling so painfully alone and scared, not even having the comfort of Ryuk's presence. He almost felt betrayed, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

"Well—Well, excuse me for being uncomfortable around my goddamn _rapist_." He stressed that word in an attempt to reason with her and hide that awful stutter he found himself with as his body mercilessly trembled, and he found himself freezing up again.

But Misa did not seem to recognize the gravity of what she had done in the slightest, "You love me, you just haven't realized it. You really are as detached as you said—good to know you didn't lie, but I can still make it work. Especially with the big news!" She clapped excitedly, and Light already hated where this was going. Rem was also sending him an odd yet unreadable look, almost as though she suspected where this would go but didn't want to believe it. 

Light decided not to grace her with an actual response, "My mother and sister may be blind and ignorant fools, but my father knows what happened and is ready to press charges at a moment's notice."

"But come on, Light, you know that won't work, and would you really put the mother of your child through so much stress?"

And it was as though time had frozen, Light's eyes wide as he tried to convince himself he had heard her wrong. "What?" It was a pathetic little mewl, but at the moment, he was too nauseous and terrified to put up a haughty facade.

Misa leaned forward, "I know it's a little early, but this is amazing for us both! Our baby will bring us together, and you'll _have_ to marry me!" She clapped gleefully, showing him a little stick. It took his brain a moment to realize it was a positive pregnancy test.

And suddenly, Light had control over himself again, and he got up without a word, sprinting away. Everything was blurry, and all he knew how to do was _run run run run!_

He felt someone outside the door grab him and try to say something, but Light was too desperate to get far away to pay any heed as he screamed, _"Get away from me!"_

The stranger gripped him a little tighter, "It's okay, is Misa Amane in the building?" But Light still didn't hear, struggling even more and kicking the man where it hurt, scrambling away even faster into the street and into oncoming traffic. But the fact he had just narrowly escaped the grasp of an untimely death was lost to him as he kept running into what might have been Omorimiwa Park. But he honestly wasn't sure anymore, coming to a stop against a tree and starting to hyperventilate and cry, slowly falling down along the trunk and trying to make himself as small as possible, for the first time in months he was truly and painfully alone.

Part of his brain said he should press his belt buckle to alert L, but he didn't want to bother the detective.

And of course, as if this crap day couldn't get any worse, someone grabbed his shoulder and hoisted himself up. The face that met his was that of a stranger who seemed to be concerned, 

"Kid? You okay?"

Light spotted the knife straight away, which made him hyperventilate further. Down to his side, but not hidden. He already knew what this was, "Leave me alone."

"Now, why would someone as pretty as you be crying?" The new stranger asked, and if this were a normal situation, Light would know this was an attempt to lower his guard, but then his mind flashed back to that night with Misa on top of him.

_"You're so beautiful, Light, especially when flustered."_

The hyperventilating got worse, and suddenly that knife was in his face, and while he knew there was currently a demand for his wallet or possibly his watch, Light was still trapped in the past with Misa, all he could see was Misa.

"Don't—No—Don't touch me—Please not that—" And he was crying pathetically again, dark spots in his vision.

Then suddenly, he had been let go, and he was on the ground whimpering and shaking, dangerously close to passing out—which was _not_ the right thing to do in this kind of situation. 

_"Light!"_

Hm? Light looked up and saw Ryuzaki looking down at him, and he seemed to have... wings? Why would... and Light wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not, but he could have sworn for a split second that Ryuzaki's eyes were blood red.

"'Zaki?" Ryuzaki bent down by his side, the sunlight still highlighting his features, which didn't help with the blurriness as he was once again sucked deeper into the past, feeling his back pressed up against something, just like that night.

 _"I'm here, Light."_ He heard that soft voice, _"It's just a flashback, you're safe now._ _Breathe, Light, follow me,_ yes, good, focus on me."

Focusing on Ryuzaki was relatively easy, and slowly the blur began to focus, all on the face of his sworn enemy but at the same time, dear friend. Their eyes met, and Light started trying to focus on other senses, like the smell of... wait.

He looked to the side and saw the one who had been ready to mug him was out cold, blood dripping down his chin from his mouth. What the—?!

"I had to knock him out." L replied, "He's fine... for now." Light wasn't sure if he had heard those last two words or imagined them. But now that there was blood he remembered her hands on his bare thighs as she—

Ryuzaki wrapped his trench coat around Light's trembling form, hesitantly putting two fingers under Light's chin, so their eyes met again, and Light was taken aback by the soft and warm look on a normally ice-cold detective's face. It was like the look his father would give a victim while trying to assure them everything would be okay—it was just so wrong being on the receiving end of that look—yet there was something else in those grey irises, which Light couldn't place.

As L helped him stand, Light's lip quivered, feeling for a split second that everything would be okay now that L was here. But then that thought was quickly dismissed. They weren't actually friends, it was just a facade that they were both putting up to get close to and then destroy each other. 

_"It won't be too long now before I am able to sentence you to death."_

Many things scared him about that statement—the gleeful and indifferent way L had said it, the fact he would have no control over that situation being led to his death...

But those fears had already come to be. In Misa's actions, he had lost control over his life, and he knew full well how L could get, and in the last week especially, had seen how L could get and it was sweet knowing the reason but terrifying knowing a fraction of what this man was capable of.

Which brought him to the last point, the one that scared him more than anything else: the actual thought of dying was the thing to not disturb him. He didn't take any pleasure in the idea, and hanging was less than ideal, but the death aspect didn't bother him like it should. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, taking comfort in knowing that L wouldn't try anything without warning. He wanted to win, and there was no fun in victory by luring a victim into a false sense of security.

Yet he still felt a sharp pain in his chest, trying to keep the tears at bay as he felt L help him sit down in a chilled area—his car. L was taking him back to headquarters.

He looked over to L, seeing kindness and compassion as well as a little anger in those eyes, but it was clear as day that the anger was not directed at him.

But it would be when L found out the truth about who Light was. He almost wanted to see all the pretenses fall and see what the detective who claimed Light was his first friend really thought of him. No doubt, he actually hated him. 

And yet, Light found he couldn't hate Ryuzaki at all. He didn't even really want Rem to kill him anymore. He just needed a friend—even if every friend he had was a fake one. Ryuk had abandoned him, and L would send him to the gallows to be proven right. 

And Misa... if she was telling the truth about... he was a disgrace, conceiving a child out of wedlock and especially under those circumstances. He had no choice than to marry her, now did he? He already knew that while his father might try to stop it, his mother didn't give a shit about him, rather the son she wanted who would marry a beautiful girl and be massively successful.

He almost wanted to confess and get executed just to make sure her bubble got popped, and that was nowhere close to who her son really was. But he wouldn't get to see that look on her face as she started wondering at what point she lost him, and slowly realize he had never fit into the mold she had tried her damnedest to shove him into. Sure, his father was guilty of this too, but not to the same extreme since he wasn't around often.

So he found himself completely alone with an impossible choice. Nobody cared, nobody was coming to save him. He began crying, leaning against the door of the car. He was used to being lonely and friendless, but the fact he had one friend he knew would betray him and another he hadn't expected betrayal from but had gotten it hurt like a thousand knives into the stomach. Ryuk had just left him, and while he knew the Shinigami couldn't have done anything, moral support at the very least would have been nice.

...

L watched Light cry, anger making him shake, and he had to force himself to relax. He never got like this about anyone or anything, so what was so different now?

Well, for starters, he had just gotten a message that Misa seemed to have slipped away undetected. Damn officers, he had explicitly said the bitch was probably wearing a wig! When you want someone dead, you have to do it yourself, and he would have done exactly that if he hadn't seen Light break out of an officer's hold and sprint into traffic and away, clearly hysterical.

He looked down at the ID he had stolen off the man who had tried to mug Light and made him cry even more than he already had been. Heart attack didn't seem good enough for someone who had essentially been trying to kick an injured puppy. Oh, L was going to have fun with this one.

 _"Hey, L, this is your brain—the thing you're famous for. Maybe don't jump straight to torturous murder without knowing any context."_ His inner voice tried reasoning with him, but L just chuckled a little, looking over to where Light was still whimpering and trying to make himself as small as he could, like a little shrimp at this point.

_Since when have I ever had morals?_

_"But... murder? Really? That doesn't make you any better than Kira—the man you're chasing."_

_And what if Kira's right? I have the Death Note now, and the world needs to change._

That shut his conscience up, and the car stopped. L helped Light out of the car, not touching him, but still guiding him, as Light's eyes were glued on the floor, shoulders slouched.

"I want to take a shower." Light muttered softly, and L nodded, knowing he could pick the lock if need be. They got into the hotel room, and Light walked into the bathroom, the shower turning on. L could still hear Light's cries through the shower's noise.

He pulled out his Death Note from the secret compartment in his suitcase, which was hidden under one of the chairs, in a mini portable safe hidden inside. He looked at the name and the face on the ID, a cruel grin on his face,

"Let's see how you feel about spontaneous combustion in two hours." He'd typically wait until tomorrow, but this would not give time for the man to be arrested, meaning that this death would not be traced back to Kira.

He needed to find out what Misa said to Light to send him into this state—or was it just her presence?

There was a message from Kiyomi.

Takada: Have you found him?!

Hideki: Yes. He's at my place, pretty upset. I don't think he will be attempting school for a while.

Takada: I figured. Do you want to meet up in a couple days and I can give you the notes to lend him?

Hideki: I'm sure Light-Kun would appreciate that.

He smiled, feeling better now, and he looked up at Ryuk, who seemed concerned. He tossed the Shinigami an apple,

"Hopefully, this encounter will scare Misa into not coming out, so she'll stay in one place, so once I find her new residence, I will eliminate her—with a bullet if I have to."

OoOoO

Misa bawled on the bed, where she lay dramatically, "What's wrong with Light?! He was supposed to acknowledge he loved me and sweep me into his arms and propose on the spot!" She put a hand on her flat abdomen, "How did he even call the cops?"

Rem decided to tell her what she had discovered, "Misa, he didn't. His Shinigami, Ryuk, has a second active notebook. The owner is a friend of Light Yagami's who is not happy with what you have done." She had seen the young man's name by chance when Lawliet removed his helmet to not terrify the young Yagami boy. It had been harrowing to get Misa out of that building undetected, and it disturbed Rem further that Ryuk seemed to actually care about his first human. He may have been merely following the orders of L Lawliet, but something told her that was not the whole story.

This left her in a dilemma. Lawliet was the detective determined to execute both Light and Misa... but if he too owned a notebook, was he? Well, he clearly had harmful intent for Misa and her unborn child, and that in Rem's eyes was almost enough reason to kill him on the spot.

She had noticed as well that he seemed to be necessary to Light Yagami for whatever reason, and maybe a crucial element in the boy's recovery. If she killed Lawliet and broke Light beyond repair, Misa would be heartbroken. Rem decided she could kill the detective later if need be, but then there was fear that Ryuk would wait until the baby was born and then kill Misa in revenge.

She and Ryuk were at a stalemate, and it was the battle of the humans that determined who would have the upper hand.

Perhaps she could talk to him rationally? Go to him and explain that he needed to help Light Yagami through this peculiar hysteria—she did know that Light had believed what had happened was rape. Rem didn't know enough about humans to dictate precisely what that was, just that it was likely worse than what sweet Misa had actually done. Light would be no good as someone who could make Misa happy if he was a shell with none of the spirit Misa had fallen in love with.

Of course, she would have to word things differently, come up with a peaceful resolution to the situation. Lawliet had a Death Note, so surely he didn't actually want to kill Light and Misa. 

Yes, she and L Lawliet needed to talk.


	8. Chapter 8

L had decided to look more into the case while Light was crying in the bathroom, knowing there was nothing in there that could hurt him without it being easy to catch onto. To maintain a sense of normalcy, he asked Watari for some tea and also caramel cake, since he had figured out Light enjoyed that.

When Watari came in, he didn't expect his guardian to have a look of concern on his face, "I'm worried about you, L. You haven't been acting like yourself."

Of course. It made sense, L figured, that his father figure would be the first to suspect something had changed, but he was sure Watari's suspicions were vastly different from the truth. Regardless, it was best he learned what seemed to be different, so he could improve on hiding it. He had noticed he was more emotional than usual, which even he still found odd.

"And how would you say I've been acting differently?"

Watari sat down next to him, "You've been much more aware of laws and social standings, which has never bothered you in the sixteen years you've been working as a detective. You also have been colder and more vindictive towards this crime than you have for much worse crimes, including B."

Mention of his former friend brought L some pause, and he felt Watari cup his cheek,

"Open up to me, L. What's been bothering you?" He chuckled a bit, "Is this about the victim? It's no secret you care deeply about him, but I know there's something else. Don't lie to me," L looked up from where he had been staring at his feet, at his guardian's smile and kind eyes, "I know you too well."

Now, how to get out of this? The task force was a child's play, but Watari was correct when he said he knew L too well to be fooled. Of course, he had an idea of how he could spin this, leaving out the Death Note.

"Kira is different. It doesn't matter whether Kira is truly evil or not, it is all a matter of perspective which of us is the villain of the story. If Misa is arrested and revealed to be the second Kira—the only crime that she could be held for that she can't be eventually busted out of by the press—the world will turn in favor of Kira, and I shall be seen as the villain. This in itself doesn't bother me, but religion is a dangerous thing to be the target of. It is entirely possible that to get to me, deranged Kira worshippers shall go in search of the orphanage, and what if they get to the kids?" He looked towards the window, dread in his stomach as he realized that while he had been initially weaving lies, these fears were genuine. Misa could go after the kids to get to him in exchange for Light...

Just the thought of that vile woman getting her hands on his little brothers and the other children made him want to kill her even more.

"I need rid of her, but I don't know how without society getting in my way. The stakes are higher this time, Watari, and innocents will pay the price if the whole world turns against me." And this was why he was struggling to find a solution that wasn't murder, but he needed to get Rem out of the way if he wanted to do that, or else even if he hired a hitman to kill Misa, Rem could come and kill Light or L himself.

Watari smiled a little, shaking his head, "Are we not going to discuss your clear feelings for Light?" L turned to look at Watari with wide eyes, and Ryuk cackled,

"And what feelings are you referring to? He's very valuable to the investigation, and it is a breath of fresh air to have an equal. That is all."

Watari and Ryuk both chuckled, and while Watari couldn't see Ryuk, so they weren't working together, L still felt like he was being ganged up on.

"Alright," Watari replied, "But keep taking care of him. He needs support." L nodded,

"I will. But you're right that I've been on edge," L sighed, "I'll try to treat this normally." 

"It's okay that you're on edge, L," Watari said, smiling, "You care with this case." He left, and L sighed, drinking his tea and looking towards the bathroom where Light remained. He knew Light was distressed, but what could he even do to help?

What he didn't know was the moment Watari left, the smile fell from his face, replaced with concern once again.

...

Light had pulled his knees to his chest, letting the shower water spray against his back and hair. The water was painfully hot, burning his back, but he couldn't bring himself to care or adjust the temperature.

He had seen Ryuk was here upon entering the hotel. However, the Shinigami hadn't said anything to him, painfully reminding Light that while they were usually together all the time, they weren't actually friends. Light was just entertainment and would be killed when he couldn't provide amusement anymore—there was nothing about him that Ryuk cared about that he couldn't find in another human. He liked to fool himself otherwise, but Ryuk didn't give a damn about him.

Trying to distract himself from the fact he could be replaced easily, his mind wandered, which he later realized was a big mistake as it led to the new revelation. Misa was pregnant...

Now, she was only a week along, so he could still hope for a miscarriage. But that made him feel ill both for wishing a child to die when it had done nothing wrong except exist in a situation far beyond its control, as well as the fact that if it did happen, Misa would no doubt try to hurt him again to get what she wanted. 

And if the baby lived... his mother would be both disgusted and ecstatic, because while the kid was conceived out of wedlock, Light would be forced to marry a model. Sayu would be thrilled too because she adored Misa in the magazines. Only a handful of people would be on his side, and they would be drowned out by the rest of the world, and if anyone found out what really happened, he would be ridiculed for the rest of his life, and how could he possibly become an officer that way?

Marriage to Misa... buried his face in his knees, crying harder. She could hurt him as many times as she wanted. She had all the power, and he could do nothing as long as Rem was alive, and how the hell could he make sure Rem was out of the way?

He felt a noose tightening around his neck, even less power over his life, and it was his fault for becoming Kira and making this happen, which led to Misa. His attempt to get a little control in his life created a situation much worse.

He had killed the burglar who murdered Misa's parents, and he created a monster in the process.

His eyes widened as a possibility dawned on him. He was trying to create a better world and had told himself Misa was a fluke, but what if he was creating more nutjobs like her, and that was the only change he was making in the world? What if he was telling people that murder was okay?

These realizations of his life and the nightmare it had become were swirling in his head, and his body trembled as he tried to quiet his hyperventilating and heavy breathing. He looked around the bathroom, and he knew it was stupid, but he was so desperate for an escape that he found he didn't care as he got out of the shower and put on some boxers before digging through the drawers and finding the pill bottle. He shook it. Yes, it was full—looking at the bags under L's eyes made that much obvious.

He stared at the bottle, aware of the implications of what he was thinking about. But... did he really have a choice? To live would be to suffer as a slave in a loveless marriage, or be ridiculed, or confess to being Kira and bring shame upon his family and actually see for sure how much L hated him. Maybe he would rather die now and go to MU, the land of nothingness, get it over with quickly.

He was still crying, and he didn't want to die. But it was like choosing to jump from a burning building. It wasn't that he was eager for the fall, it was just that he was more afraid of the flames. Fumbling with the bottle and trying to open it, finding the stupid childproof cap was doing its job. He grunted in frustration, trying to get it open through his blurred vision from the tears.

Finally getting it open, he poured the pills into his hand...

Only to find it wasn't pills at all. It was skittles and a neatly folded sticky note. Light stared at the candies, both parts frustrated and relieved as the part of him that was lost and scared found that he actually couldn't overdose.

Curiosity got the better of him, and he unfolded the sticky note, registering L's handwriting.

_Don't ask why there are skittles in the bottle. If you are reading this note, you know the answer, as it was hidden at the bottom of the bottle. Light, I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral. Talk to me._

_\- L_

Light let out another choked sob, holding the note close to his chest and falling to his knees. Did... could L actually care about him? No. Not if he knew...

But he did, right? He had suspected all along, so he probably did know. Was it possible that he...

It crashed down on him as though splashed with cold water, momentarily shocked out of the haze of his dark thoughts and knowledge of his future, what he had been about to try, and L had saved his life—he had known this kind of thinking was a possibility.

Wha—What the hell was wrong with him?! He was... ready to kill himself on a spontaneous decision. That was wrong, but... his eyes widened as he realized he still didn't want to live anymore. But to actually have been ready to go through with the act so fast...

He took deep breaths, leaning against the wall, holding the note. Even if it was lies, it still brought him some comfort, at the idea that maybe somebody cared. What could he even do? He was alone, and nobody truly gave a damn. Nobody could do anything.

Could he even talk to L about that? No, he couldn't. Light hugged himself, realizing how much he had degraded himself in the detective's presence. Ryuzaki probably found it annoying and pathetic. It was better if he stayed quiet so everyone could focus on the case. 

He heard a sound, and Ryuk appeared, "Light-o? What are you doing?" He asked, cocking his head, and Light looked down, not wanting to meet his false friend's gaze. He didn't need to see Ryuk's face to know the Shinigami was not pleased about this, "What's bothering you? I like hearing what's going on in your head."

"Why would you care?" Light muttered, and Ryuk was taken aback by the venom before realization dawned on him.

"Are you mad that I ditched you?"

"No, not mad. Just disappointed."

"Don't humans consider that to be worse?" Light just scoffed a little,

"I thought we were friends, I had forgotten that I'm just entertainment to you." 

There was silence between them before Ryuk started laughing, causing Light to look up at the Shinigami, whose words shook Light to the core,

"You're right in a sense, but also wrong. There is no human like you, Light, you are very entertaining. So tell me, why would I leave you with Misa at such an interesting time if I only cared about entertainment? Come on, you're smart," Ryuk sat down so he could actually get down to Light's level, "Tell me why I would leave." 

Light tried to think about an answer, but his mind was in too much turmoil to think of something, and Ryuk shrugged,

"You're taking too long, so I'll tell you. I really don't like Misa—maybe you've given me high standards of humans—and I remember you told me how badly what happened to you affects humans. So I'm unhappy, and an idea comes to me. See, I have many notebooks, so why not use this to make things more interesting?" 

Light's eyes widened, "You... You dropped another notebook?"

"No. Not _dropped_ it. Unlike with you, I actually _gave_ it to someone who cares about you enough to use it—before you ask, no, not in a creepy way like Misa. And trust me, this has been extremely entertaining."

Light's entire body froze, staring at Ryuk, "Were you... getting help?"

"Bingo! You finally got it!"

So many emotions ran rampant—a terror that this person would end up being like Misa, despair at the situation his life had become, and... joy. There was joy, because not only had Ryuk found someone who might actually care about Light, but Ryuk had also gone for help and gone through the trouble to do this. Surely... they were friends at least a little, if Ryuk would do that, right?

Ryuk hadn't abandoned him. He wasn't actually alone. He smiled, and Ryuk backed up a little,

"Hey, don't go thinking I'm going to be some lovesick fool like Rem," he defended, "I like you, kid, but I am not going to be saving your ass! I only acted with this because Misa's annoying, and I saw a way to amuse myself further and get more apples."

Light still smiled, "Thank you, Ryuk." It might be a bad idea, but Ryuk had no idea how much better his words had made him feel. He hugged Ryuk, then remembered what he had been ready to do, and started to cry again.

Ryuk looked down at him, blinking, but said nothing, deciding to roll with this, before ruffling Light's wet hair, "I'll give ya some space." He got up, and Light held his hand for a second,

"Thanks, Ryuk." Ryuk looked down at him, laughing a little, before phasing through the door.

Light got dressed, wondering who this mystery person might be. His first thought was L since that had been the person who came to his rescue, but no, that couldn't be. There was no way L would use the Death Note, and there was still a high chance he probably couldn't wait to see him dangling at the end of a noose.

He looked down at the note again, a little doubt in his mind. Alright, maybe L didn't _detest_ him, but that didn't mean he would become Kira, the thing he had sworn to catch, to defend another Kira!

Kiyomi, maybe? He knew she supported Kira, so that would make sense, but how could he even ask her without implicating himself?

He shrugged, looking down at the skittles as he put some jeans on and pocketing the note, knowing he might need it in the future. He ate one of the green skittles and put the rest back in the bottle, setting it in the drawer where he found it. 

Light stared in the mirror for a moment, and one look at himself had his high of sudden happiness coming down. What, was he bipolar or something, what the hell was going on?!

So Ryuk hadn't ditched him, but Misa was still pregnant. Those two canceled out, leaving him back in the same sense of despair he had been in for the last week—not as bad as it had been minutes ago, about to end his own life, so he supposed that was a plus.

He needed to talk to his father about this... no, he couldn't face his father with how pathetic he was.

Maybe he actually could talk to Ryuzaki about this a little bit? This new information would be useful to the case since it changed everything and how they would need to go about it.

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

He obviously couldn't tell the whole story... Light took deep breaths, splashing his face with water to focus on bottling all of this up, practicing a small smile and fighting how heavy his eyelids felt, exhaustion catching up with him until he suddenly just wanted to take a nap. He was safe now. Unless he confessed to being Kira, Ryuzaki wasn't going to harm him, and even then, he was still safer here than he was at home where Misa could go at any time.

Hesitantly, he walked out of the bathroom.

...

L looked up from where he had been messaging the chief, who was still searching for any trace of Misa, and they were trying to figure out what could have sent Light into hysteria.

Ryuk had given him the okay that Light had been crying, but he was fine. Looking at Light now, he seemed much calmer, but how could he start the conversation of asking what had bothered him?

He held up the caramel cake, "Watari brought cake." Light tensed, sitting down on the bed,

"It looks good, but I don't have much of an appetite." L deflated and decided to back down for the moment, but made it clear he expected Light to eat at some point.

Of course, he couldn't do much as Light changed into some pajama pants and fell asleep under the covers. L sighed. Light had been much sleepier lately, spending more time sleeping than awake these days. Perhaps that was just how he coped, and L had to admit that this was something nice and manageable to keep an eye on, and another reason he had switched out the sleeping pills for skittles. Light was so sleepy as of late that he wouldn't need medication.

L shut his laptop, knowing he wasn't going to find any leads until the task force returned, and he walked onto the balcony, closing the door behind him, so Light could sleep peacefully. He stared out at the city, handing Ryuk an apple, and then he felt something new touch him, and he turned, and there next to him was a new Shinigami, who did not seem pleased.

"L Lawliet, we need to talk." 


	9. Chapter 9

L looked up at the Shinigami, recognizing instantly what was going on. But the question was how Misa's Shinigami had found him and why it would reach out to him first.

"Are you Rem?" He asked in his usual monotone voice, successfully keeping any emotion from creeping through, checking to make sure the balcony door was fully closed, "Your answer will determine whether we actually do need to talk."

"Yes," the God of Death replied, "I am Rem. I understand you care a great deal about Light Yagami." 

Alright, why was everyone asking him about this today? "He's my friend, simple as that. But why would you care?"

Rem looked towards him, her expression remaining unreadable for a moment, before giving way to both anger and concern, "I noticed you went after Misa with the police. L Lawliet, Misa is a good person, and you have no reason to go after her the way you did."

L stared at Rem in such a way that it was hard to tell if he was wondering how dumb she was, or having a stroke. He blinked once, before managing to get out his words calmly, if not a little forced, "So you're just going to ignore the fact she drugged and raped Light?" He glared, letting more venom become present in his tone, "Why are you even here?"

Rem returned the glare momentarily, before returning to a neutral expression, which gave L the feeling she wanted to keep this civil—and he realized he was the one who would need to try hard, as this level of stupid is a challenge to deal with. "What Misa did is not this 'rape' you speak of, she simply showed her affection for him, and Light Yagami does not seem to have appreciated it like Misa deserves."

L's whole body shook with pure rage, and he looked down at the city below, "Why are you here, Rem?" He looked up at her for a moment to assess the situation, "I cannot see a reason you have sought me out." Rem relaxed, making it clear to L that this was the part she had prepared for.

"I am asking you to put in a good word about Misa to Light Yagami and help him recover from this peculiar state he has wound up in. She needs him, especially for their child."

Silence. L had gone perfectly still, his entire body hung loosely except for the fact he remained standing. His shoulders were slumped, and his hands swayed ever so slightly due to the breeze. So that was what had driven Light into hysteria, the news he was going to be a father—that in his eyes he really did have no choice at all.

After a moment of the two Shinigami looking at each other—Rem with concern and Ryuk with sadistic glee but at the same time disgust towards Rem—L made an eerie little choking noise, which sounded almost like a dry-wrenching sob.

Then...

"Hehe...hehehehe..."

Laughter slowly began to bubble up in the back of L's throat.

The noise doubled over itself and strengthened, sending the helical sounds around them on the balcony in a fit of synesthesia.

 _Laughing_. L was laughing. Even to himself, it was a horrible sound that was not intended to display any joy—he certainly wasn't feeling any, that much anyone who heard the awful sound knew. Yet, the Shinigami's words were just so insensitive and downright stupid that all L could do was laugh in such a way that had no place outside of a mental institution. Morbidly, this was hilarious.

He continued to laugh until his back and stomach hurt, and both Shinigami had looks of worry or fear, and L managed to take deep breaths to calm himself, unaware of his eyes having momentarily glowed red from sheer rage.

"I can't tell whether that is a joke or you are just that daft!" Even as he said it with such humor in his tone, it felt so odd coming off his tongue that it was almost as though he was not the person saying it, "Put a good word in? You're telling me you want me to help Light get better so he can date his rapist?! Do you even know what rape is?!" He stalked up to the much taller God of Death, any previous fear or denial he had had about their existence well past gone, leaving him not caring whether it was human or Shinigami who dared to make such a fatuous order. He nodded, goading her on, "Well? Do you?" 

"I do not fully understand what humans consider to be right and wrong, but what Misa has done is not this vile thing Light Yagami seems to believe it is."

L softened, but only a little, seeing Rem was not necessarily an idiot, just naïve. "Alright then, allow me to educate you." His change from insane laughter to a tone of sweetness laced with poison had anyone who heard it on edge. Somewhere in the back of his mind, L found himself wondering what the Death Note was doing to him, but such thoughts were pushed back into his subconscious. "Rape is unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. It is an outrageous violation, and Misa just went about it because she wanted something she couldn't have."

Rem backed up a bit as though she had been slapped, realizing that Misa had indeed committed this atrocious crime. But then she reposed, "And why would a human care? For your species, this is a matter of life, and I'm sure Misa didn't understand she was doing anything that humans would consider wrong."

L giggled, "Trust me, Rem, Misa knows full well what she did was unacceptable. There are precisely fifty-four reports from her of needing to file restraining orders or have someone arrested for stalking or attempted rape, which are both crimes Misa is guilty of. My job is to uphold justice, so wouldn't you say I have to see her imprisoned for what she has done? Oh." He went inside, grabbing an envelope off his desk and handing it to her, "Give this to Misa, I think she'll be interested to know what this is."

"And what is it?" L put a finger to his lips, a cruel smirk on his face, 

"She'll know what it is." He turned away, closing the balcony door again, the breeze beginning to pick up, making his hair even crazier than before, "Now is there anything else you want to say, please say it now so I can get back to the case."

Rem glared, "If you harm Misa, I will kill you and anyone close to you."

"That's cute because if I die, I have already set up many plans for Misa to be killed _brutally_. And if you go after those close to me," he looked up, "Death will be a mercy for her."

Rem's eyes widened considerably, "You wouldn't dare harm her child."

"Why wouldn't I? After all, I still have eight weeks until the little thing is actually alive." He turned, eyes dangerous and grin menacing, but Rem didn't know that these particular words were a bluff. Yes, it would be in these eight weeks if he was going to strike, but that did not mean he was going to take action without discussing the matter with Light. But then he got an idea, calming, and his smile became less condescending and dangerous, and closer to genuine if not a little shy, "I'll make a deal with you."

...

Rem relaxed because at last L Lawliet was acting rationally. She could understand that if he believed what had happened was wrong, he would be upset. But looking into those grey eyes which moments ago had flickered to the color of a monster, she realized the dangers in what Ryuk had done.

The Death Note was alluring to an average person and could easily corrupt them. But to someone of high intelligence and actively furious, it was a recipe for disaster, twisting and warping them even faster and with a much higher lethality rate. Light Yagami had shown to be in the early stages of this, but it seemed L Lawliet was so infuriated that while he had had the Death Note for a mere week, he was already losing himself to it. He needed a hand to hold, someone to keep him in check, or she didn't even want to think about what could happen.

Or perhaps Rem was being paranoid with her fear of an unstoppable monster on their hands so soon, and L Lawliet was simply just angry, and she hadn't worked her end of the conversation correctly. Humans were such emotional creatures; maybe he just needed time to come around to the idea of Misa being Light Yagami's future wife?

She looked into the detective's eyes, really looked. And something dawned on her, that this was all a big misunderstanding. No matter how much Rem thought about it, this "rape" crime did not seem bad, mostly because it made Misa happy. 

Sweet Misa, who only used the Death Note for love.

L Lawliet, who only used the Death Note for love.

It all made sense now, why L was so mad. He loved Light Yagami, just like Misa. He didn't like seeing Light Yagami upset, and so he acted on the offense to defend. Sure, Rem could care less about what the detective wanted, but maybe she could convince him that Misa was the right person for Light Yagami, and he wouldn't be angry. 

Perhaps L Lawliet had realized this in his deal, "And what would this deal be?"

"I'll leave Misa alone until the end of the pregnancy, but you have to answer a question for me and make sure Misa abides by the restraining order rules, which among other things, are explained in the envelope I gave." 

Not knowing what a restraining order was and figuring this would protect Misa and give L Lawliet time to calm and come around, and Light Yagami could get his act together.

"Alright. What is this question you desire to know?"

L's smile turned dark again, but the change was so subtle she would have thought she had imagined the flicker if it weren't for the detective's words, "How do you kill a Shinigami?"

...

L watched Rem go silent and knew he was onto something. Just the Shinigami's posture was enough to make it clear she knew what was up, and that this was something L could do easily and break his end of the promise. 

Besides, his word didn't mean much due to all the loopholes. After all, the pregnancy could end whenever L wanted it to—this wasn't something a sniper couldn't fix. If Light wanted the baby, then he'd have to wait anyway, and then act quickly.

Rem didn't know that her silence was giving L plenty of theories. Would she actually tell him?

"I cannot accept the terms of this deal until you are given time to realize Misa is a good person for Light Yagami."

"So never." L blinked, "I'm surprised. I thought you would do anything to protect Misa."

"I do, but I also am not sure I can trust your word." That was a fair point. Perhaps she wasn't a moron, and Shinigami morals were merely different than human ones. 

"So we are at a stalemate. You cannot kill me, and I cannot kill Misa. So nothing has come of this, and I have learned nothing I couldn't have from spending time thinking. Before this leads to violence or a louder argument, I suggest we take a break from each other. I have no plans to put in a good word for Misa, and you cannot kill me."

Rem bowed her head, "I will come back in a week to see if you have changed your mind." She took the envelope and flew away.

L took a breath of relief, knowing that while he couldn't have put a tracker in the envelope this time, as Rem was bound to notice. He needed to earn a little trust. He slumped, leaning against the railing and looking at his hands.

_What is the Death Note doing to me?_

He had never acted the way he had there. Then again, he had never been that filled with fury before. So he didn't know whether this was the same as that pleasant humming he felt after not using the notebook for too long. He wasn't sure what disturbed him more—the idea of this just being what happens when he got furious, or this was the Death Note's doing.

But he assured himself that now that he had another week to prepare himself for Rem's blind adoration of Misa, he could come into things with a clear head, knowing what he was getting himself into. He wouldn't flip out like that again.

He needed to know more about the Death Note. Perhaps Rem would be okay with answering a question like that.

A thought occurred to him.

_"The person in possession of the Death Note is possessed by a God of Death, its original owner, until they die."_

"Ryuk, what did the rules mean when it said the human owner is possessed by a God of Death?"

Ryuk was still staring at him with wide, shocked eyes, before speaking, "It means that I follow you around. What? Did you think it's like in horror movies with actual bodily possession? But..." he chuckled, "I will admit, the Death Note does influence the owner's mind if they're not careful."

So the Death Note was actually...

Part of him wanted to renounce ownership here and now, detesting the idea of anything influencing his actions.

He looked back through the glass to where Light was sleeping. He shook himself. No... If he gave up the Death Note, he would lose his memories, meaning he might forget what he had realized about how Kira was right—that was something no notebook could change the truth in. He wouldn't have someone to keep an eye on Light to make sure he wasn't hurt, and he wouldn't be able to communicate with Rem or take the rules of the Death Note into account for the case. 

He just needed to be careful. If the Death Note proved to be too much, he could always ask someone to hold onto it so he couldn't use it. Matsuda, perhaps, as he was a borderline Kira supporter. But that was a serious risk, but he was unsure if he could trust Watari with this.

The mix of his rage and the Death Note couldn't be healthy. Everything would be fine once he had a definite plan to take care of Misa and Rem, and Light was recovering. Yeah, that was all.

But Watari had been noticing, and he knew that if he was going to avoid the Death Note corrupting him, maybe he did need a little help. Open up a little more, just about his anger. Watari had helped Mello with his anger management issues, so surely he knew of something. Going into an unhinged rage wouldn't finish the case.

He went back inside and saw Light was still sleeping, an extra blanket on his head with his face peaking out. He mewled a little and turned over. 

L had discovered that Light didn't snore in the last week, but he made adorable little noises while he slept that were quiet enough that the surveillance cameras hadn't picked up on it. He smiled to the sleeping young man, his decision to keep the Death Note only becoming concrete, knowing he was doing the right thing.

He left the bedroom and walked out to find Watari, only to see him and Soichiro talking and drinking coffee. 

"Mr. Yagami, anything?"

"No." Soichiro ran his hands through his hair, messing it up, "It's like she vanished without a trace." He looked up, an almost crazed look in his eyes, "Light? Is he okay? I heard from other officers that he kicked an officer, ran into oncoming traffic and away."

"Yes, chief. Light did do that, but he is fine now and taking a nap after a shower. I have my suspicions about what caused his freakout, but he hasn't told me anything. Mr. Yagami, perhaps he will open up to you. I can discuss the case with Watari."

"I don't know, Ryuzaki," the chief muttered, "He's been so nervous around me since... he just shies away whenever I reach out."

"Trust me," L assured, "If I'm right in my theory about why he flipped out, he's going to need the support of his father more than anything else."

And he knew the moment Mr. Yagami realized what he was thinking about, "You don't think..."

"I think that she's pregnant and gave him the news, which in his mind would force him into marriage lest he is shunned even without anyone knowing about the rape."

"Light..." Soichiro whispered, his head in his hands, "I'll talk to him. Aizawa is leading the rest of the task force to find Misa Amane, but I had to come back and make sure my son wasn't harmed." 

"Of course." L looked to Watari once the chief had entered the bedroom, where Ryuk was standing protectively near Light to make sure he was safe. He sighed, "Watari, I thought about what you said about me not acting like myself. I've noticed it too, and I'm worried that my anger is clouding my judgment and lowering my deductive abilities. This hasn't happened before. Do you have any tips?"

Watari's expression changed to one of relief, "I didn't expect you to come to me with this."

"I read that anger, even towards the culprit, can scare a victim of sexual assault." Watari nodded,

"That makes sense. My advice to start with would be taking a break from the case for your own wellbeing. Assuming your anger is as severe as I think it is, exercise such as a punching bag may also help." L looked at the floor,

"Right. Thank you, Watari." He was enveloped in a hug,

"I know it's hard seeing someone you care about hurt. I'm glad you're asking for help—it's an important step."

And L knew it was. He just needed to be able to cope with Misa's unforgivable stupidity and lust, and he would be able to treat this like any other case, with the Death Note only as a tool for making things easier.

Another thought popped into his head. What if the Death Note was actually altering brain chemistry, to urge a person to kill? That was something he may need to look into, as that could be concrete evidence in determining at the very least suspects to keep the task force occupied.

Yet he knew, no matter how much anger management he got, he was going to kill Misa. No, not just kill her, he was going to make her suffer to the point she would regret ever breathing in the general area as Light.

He was unsure whether to be repulsed or not that the thought of Misa's head on a spike brought him comfort.

...

Soichiro walked into the bedroom, noticing Light was asleep, but judging by the sounds he was making, he was going to wake up soon. He remembered all the little noises Light used to make as a child, as he used to come into his parents' room at night because of nightmares. It was a surprise it had stayed with Light even as a teenager.

A teenager... he wasn't even an adult yet, and already he could be thrust into a situation of being a father so young. He sighed, knowing that while he was never going to give that awful woman his blessing to marry Light, her celebrity status would make things that much harder.

Even the idea of Light being suspected of being Kira had made him change his stance on killers. But now a whole new level of understanding dawned on him, why Kira had so many loyal followers, and what people saw in the murder of criminals. Some families were in a situation they couldn't get proper justice for someone dear to them, so of course, they would greatly appreciate someone cutting down the culprit. 

Soichiro was a cop. He hated the idea of killing. But that was professional, that he knew Kira was wrong and had to be caught.

But as a father, he fantasized about finding a way to communicate with Kira and tell him that the Second Kira had raped an innocent for her own gain. Surely Kira wouldn't stand for that if he saw himself as justice at all, and Misa would die, her celebrity status not doing her any good against someone who didn't discriminate between the famous and the common man.

Which left him in an unimaginable moral debate, knowing what was right, but that not changing the fact he was livid that his son could very well go without any comfort in knowing his rapist would be executed or behind bars.

He already knew Sayu would be delighted a model may be having Light's child, and that would mean marriage. How was he supposed to tell the rest of the family that Light had been raped and forcing him to marry Misa Amane was sick and wrong? This would be a delicate conversation, which could go south very fast, and that was why he didn't want Light there when it happened. But didn't Light have a right to be part of the conversation discussing his future?

Soichiro sat down, rolling over the desk chair, and thinking about what he would say when Light woke up. He suspected why Light was so reclusive, and it made him hate himself because he should have taken this so much more seriously. But he had always believed in Light standing up for himself, and typically Light handled his own stalkers all by himself within a couple days of catching on, so he hadn't thought this would be any different. 

He should have known. This was the Second Kira, so of course, she wasn't going to be like the others. She had no morals and no restraints. She would do anything to get what she wanted.

It was another roughly twenty minutes before he looked up after hearing Light shifting, and his eyes fluttered open. He started at the ceiling a bit, deep in thought. Soichiro wanted to do something to alert his presence, but clearing his throat seemed a little rude since Light had just woken up—but didn't look refreshed at all—but touching him may trigger PTSD.

"Light," he tried softly, and Light turned to look at him before shrinking down and seeming to hide further into the blankets. Alright, time for another tactic. He held up a bag of potato chips, "Here. I noticed you hadn't eaten anything today, and I know you like these."

"Oh... thanks, Dad." Light's shoulders slumped, but he did open the bag and eat a little bit, staring intently at the food inside as though it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Awkward silence for a moment, the only sound being Light slowly eating the chips. Soichiro decided to start this long-overdue conversation. He knew he couldn't push Light to talk about what had happened, but confirmation on the pregnancy theory would help move things forward in terms of actions in need of taking.

"I heard about what happened today," he tried, "That you ran into traffic."

"Hm, did I? I don't really know. Everything was a blur... I guess."

"You could have died, Light." He felt sick seeing the nonchalant shrug from Light, who was still staring down at the chips, eyes empty, and shoulders slumped. He just looked tired. "Light, do you understand how dangerous that was?" Fear gripped his heart at how little Light cared, and the implications of that.

Light spoke meekly after a minute, "All I knew was I had to get away."

Now they were getting somewhere, "Was it something in particular that Misa said...?" Light flinched, putting the chips on the nightstand, hugging himself and laying back down in bed, which was as good of a confirmation that Soichiro was going to get, and he dared ask. "Ryuzaki had a theory... I don't want to push you to tell me more than you feel comfortable, but please answer this. Is she pregnant?"

Silence.

And then...

He noticed Light's shoulders started to tremble, and a muffled sob made itself known. Soichiro knew well enough what that meant, and he instantly felt terrible, knowing this threw all of Light's own plans for the future into disarray, whether he chose to become a cop or not.

He walked over to the other side of the bed and held his hands up to show he was not armed and wasn't going to hurt him, a method used to calm a frightened animal or other victims he had dealt with in the past. Cautiously, he sat on the bed next to his son, his heart breaking with every sob he heard from his child.

Soichiro gasped a little when he realized Light had wrapped his arms around him, continuing to cry. He was careful with where he touched and quickly figured out that Light was not bothered being touched on his back, but the chest was something to be cautious of—no hands there. Pulling someone close and their chests ended up making contact through clothing seemed to be okay, though.

"I'm sorry," Light whimpered, "It's my fault this happened. I can't be an officer like this—"

"Hey," he wiped away one of Light's tears, the motion making Light look up at him, big brown eyes glassy with tears, and a look of shame on his face, "Listen to me, Light, this is in no way your fault, and it does not reflect on your potential as an officer or how strong you are."

"But—But—I should have been able to—"

"Able to what? Overpower her?" He sighed, "No, that's not the case, and it has nothing to do with you. I have seen plenty of cases, and a common factor is freezing up. It's a survival mechanism, not something you can control. Even if this wasn't the case, she drugged you."

"Oh..." Light forced a tiny smile, "That's a pretty terrible survival mechanism." 

"You're alive, and that's very important." He smiled a little, "I know you need time. But I know my son, and I know you're going to get through this. When you're knocked back down, it might take a little while, but you'll get back up, and I'll be there for you every step of the way. What can I do to help you?"

Light blinked, more tears falling from his eyes as he did so, "You're really—You're really not mad?"

"At you? No. If anyone is innocent in the matter, it's you. Misa, on the other hand, I am furious at. When we catch her, let's just say father anger is going to kick in." Light then deflated,

"She's the mother of my child. That means I'll have to marry her, so you can't arrest her."

"Even if you marry her, I can still arrest her." Soichiro replied, earning even more shock from Light, "And you're not marrying her. You need the blessing of the parents, and even if your mother gives it without knowing what really happened, she will not be getting one from me." 

"She'll kill you."

"Which means that she can be arrested all over again, and it gives you even more reason not to marry her. If it's okay with you, I plan to tell your mother and Sayu what happened and swear them to secrecy, so they don't make the mistake of letting Misa into the house. I assume that's why you're so afraid of going home."

"Yeah..." Light looked away shamefully, "And she could always come in through the window." 

"Alright, how about this. Tomorrow or maybe the day after, to give you some time, I will drive you home for dinner—we can even ask Ryuzaki if he wants to join if that makes you more comfortable. I'll take you back to headquarters after dinner if you wish, and we'll take baby steps."

"You'd... You'd do that for me?" 

"Light," he hugged his son just a little tighter, noticing Light instantly melt into the embrace, "I'd do anything for you. I am never going to let anyone hurt you again."

Light's hold over his emotions broke again, and he cried for a while in the loving embrace of his father, who soothed him softly. And once Light had fallen asleep once again, Soichiro, with the utmost care, tucked him back into bed, knowing he probably needed sleep after his stressful day.

"Sleep well, Light," he whispered, "We'll get there."

After checking again to make sure Light was actually asleep, he left the room to investigate the case, unaware of the Shinigami smiling as he went.


	10. Chapter 10

Light stared up at the home he had grown up in all his life, his feet glued to the ground and refusing to move forward. What if Misa was there or his mother and Sayu didn't understand or—?

He jolted a bit when he felt his father slowly guiding him towards the door, "I'm right here, Light. I explained what happened last night to your mother and sister."

"How did they..."

"Your mother... she'll come around, so I'll talk to her again, and you go chat with Sayu. She's been wanting to see you. Remember, Ryuzaki will be here in half an hour, and you can message him if you don't think you need it."

Light nodded, curious about what Sayu wanted to say, and he went inside, ignoring his mother and rushing upstairs, where he knocked on Sayu's door, noticing his hands were shaking.

Ryuk had explained he was going to be showing up around the same time Ryuzaki did, to explain what was going on to the third Kira, who was very worried about him. Light wanted to find a way to talk to this Kira, but how?

Sayu opened the door, her eyes widened, "Light! You're home!" She hugged him, and Light was relieved to find he wasn't triggered by anywhere she was touching. "Come on in." Light walked in and was shocked by what he saw.

A lot of Sayu's posters had been torn down and were in a pile next to a garbage bag, all of them of Misa. She looked up at Light as he stared at it curiously.

"Is it true?" Sayu asked, looking livid with tears in her eyes, "That she hurt you? Dad told us last night."

Light sat down at the desk chair, looking down at the floor, nodding slightly. "Yeah. She... really hurt me. I know, you probably are disappointed or think less of me—"

Sayu shoved the posters into the bag, and she glared at them. Light gaped, and she smiled a bit to him,

"I don't care who it is— _nobody_ hurts my brother. I'm not going to ask for details, because I think I know what happened. Dad mentioned that the girlfriend thing was a lie to hide that you worked on the task force, so that means she wasn't your girlfriend."

This was not what Light had expected, and he shrunk down further, regretting thinking so little of his sister. He found himself being held by his little sister, and he began to cry, hugging her back. But it was still... could he tell her? Had their Dad already told Sayu about the fact she was going to be an aunt?

They both jumped a little when they heard a knock at the door, and Sayu ran downstairs, opening the door, "Huh? Who are you?"

Light looked and saw it was Ryuzaki, and he smiled, "Oh, hey, Ryuzaki!" Sayu looked back towards Light,

"You know him?"

"I'm a friend of Light's," Ryuzaki explained, "Your father invited me over for dinner to ease Light-Kun into returning home. May I come in?"

"Sure." Sayu let him in, and Ryuzaki exchanged a smile with Light, still wearing the trenchcoat. Light decided that if L was going to wear the same thing every day as it was, keep the coat. It suited him nicely.

Soichiro came in, "I'm glad you could make it, Ryuzaki." 

"Thank you for inviting me, Yagami-san." Light also noticed Ryuk appear, laughing and grinning.

They all sat down for dinner, and Light was shocked to see L not only sitting normally but also eating something that wasn't sugar. They all ate in silence, but the tension was practically tangible in the room, and Light noticed that his mother had a look of silent disapproval on her face, and his father looked frustrated. 

He picked at his meal absently, still not having an appetite, so he cut up the food to give the appearance of it having been eaten when it hadn't. But it seemed L noticed this and stared at him intently with a look of concern on his face, gesturing for Light to eat. 

Light shrunk down a bit, shaking his head subtly to make it clear his stance on eating at the moment. Then he frowned, noticing L tapping on the ground with his foot in morse code.

_"Come now, eat, please."_

Light replied, _"I don't think I can. We'll talk about this later."_

"What's with the tapping?" Sachiko asked, and Light shook his head a bit,

"Nervous tick, sorry, Mom." He looked at Ryuzaki, who was still staring intently at him, then pouted a bit, and Light rolled his eyes, eating a little bit just so the bastard would get that look off his face. Why would L care? If he ever found out about Light being Kira, he wouldn't hesitate to send him to the gallows, so why bother? Nevertheless, he still found the gesture rather sweet—not that it changed anything. He only ate a bit of rice and nothing more.

Sayu was the first to finish, "Excuse me, I need to do something." She ran upstairs, bringing down her garbage bag. L noticed it after finishing and cocked his head curiously,

"What's that?"

"Everything I used to own that supported Misa. I can't stand the idea of having it in my room." She opened the front door and tossed it outside, but L shook his head,

"I'll do you one better. Burn it." Sayu blinked and then brightened at the idea. Sachiko shook her head,

"Don't you all think you're a little irrational? I talked to Misa today, and she was asking about the restraining order filed against her, and she seems like a charming girl."

Light blanched. Misa had come to this place to talk to his mother, and she let Misa in?! _Oh god—save me, save me!_

"Why would you let her in, Mom?!" Sayu shrieked, "Dad told us last night what happened!"

"Well, she is the mother of Light's child, so of course I let her in." Sachiko defended, and Light was frozen in place, eyes wide and body shaking mercilessly. Soichiro looked mortified, and there was something feral in L's eyes as though he was _this_ close to ripping her head off. "She's a nice girl, Light, I don't see why you insist she hurt you or forced you into it."

Soichiro opened his mouth, but it was Sayu who jumped to Light's aid. "And you're saying _Light_ —the most responsible and least sexually interested let alone active person on the planet—would have a relationship with someone, and even _risk_ fathering a child at eighteen?!" Sachiko ignored her, placing a hand on Light's,

"Light, even if it was an accident, you need to take responsibility and not cause more trouble with these accusations. Think about our family and what happens when news of the restraining order gets out."

When had a restraining order been put in place? Light felt tears fall down his cheeks, and his mind was going so fast that it felt hours had passed when, in reality, it had barely been a few seconds before his fathers stood up in a rage,

"He's not lying, Sachiko!" Soichiro roared with a fury that Light had never seen before, and it had him jumping back and clinging to Ryuzaki's arm. It was terrifying, seeing his usually calm father so enraged. And then Light noticed Ryuk had his Death Note and a pen out. Oh god, what was Ryuk doing?! How could he make Ryuk stop without drawing attention to himself?!

He managed to tap Ryuk and shake his head in the slightest, and Soichiro turned to Ryuzaki,

"I need to have a strongly-worded discussion with my wife. Ryuzaki, is it okay if you take Sayu with you and Light back to the hotel?"

Light doubted Ryuzaki would be—

"Alright, Yagami-San." Ryuzaki said, taking Light's hand and guiding him along as he tried his damnedest not to cry, "Go pack an overnight bag, Sayu-Chan." Sayu ran upstairs and came back a moment later with a backpack, and he guided them both out, calling Watari to pick them up, and they all stood outside for a minute until Watari came. Sayu gaped in amazement,

"You have a driver with _that_?" L nodded,

"I do." He helped Light into the car then got in, "We're burning those posters when we get to the hotel."

Light hugged himself. He was the reason his parents were fighting—they never fought! And what if his mother was right about Misa publicizing the restraining order and his family getting attacked because of it? When had a restraining order been filed anyway, and when did Misa learn about it?

What if the fighting got worse? What if his family paid the price if he didn't go along with Misa's marriage demand? He knew that he needed a parent's approval to get married by law since he was only eighteen. Typically this would be both parents, but the rule technically only said _a_ parent's support, which his mother had clearly given.

...

L watched Light slowly begin to cry in the car, already knowing Light's moron of a mother, so determined to maintain her image of a perfect family, had crushed Light's desire to go home. However, L found interest in Light's little sister, who knew her brother and believed him.

Sayu gazed at her brother, who seemed on the brink of a panic attack, and noticed Sayu pulling Light close and humming quietly, and L sighed, staring out the window, having noticed Ryuk with his Death Note out. What had stopped him, L morbidly wondered, half-debating doing it himself, before he shook himself. No, he couldn't let his anger control him—he knew killing Light's mother would only make things worse.

They got back to the hotel, and Light shut himself in the bathroom. Sayu was already using a lighter and a wastebasket to burn the posters on the balcony. L decided as he asked Ryuk to check on Light, to perform a little experiment with Light's younger sister, sitting next to her as she continued to watch the merchandise burn.

She looked up at him, "You work on the task force, right?" She asked, and L nodded,

"I do, I work with your father, L, and Light-Kun to catch Kira. Sayu, I've been working on an experiment, do you mind being part of it?" Sayu frowned, 

"Sure, what is it?"

"Before this, what was your stance on Kira?"

She paused, thinking, "I believe Kira should be more like my brother. Killing people is wrong—what about the families of the victims?"

"And if Kira were to kill Misa for what she did to Light?"

Sayu was quiet, before she spoke, her voice much darker than expected, "I would still not be an active Kira supporter, but I would be grateful. I understand why people worship him because Mom proved that if Kira doesn't avenge Light, who will?"

L nodded, "You're right. Light's lucky to have a sister like you." Sayu sighed,

"If I had suspected something was up earlier on, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

"No, Sayu, nothing would have changed." L sighed, "I'm going to tell you a secret that only the task force knows. Misa is the Second Kira. She was using that to try forcing Light to be with her."

Sayu's expression morphed into sheer disgust, "Seriously?! What is Kira doing, letting her run around? No matter what the first Kira is, the second Kira was so much worse—and all to get with Light?" She gagged, "That's so—so wrong! And Mom wants Light to marry that?! No, I would reject _that_ as a sister in law."

L chuckled. Sayu had some spunk to her, and anyone willing to protect Light was a good person. He remembered Light mentioning that he thought very highly of his sister, but was worried Misa being a celebrity would make things harder.

They both turned when they saw Light had come out of the shower, his eyes puffy, and wearing pajamas. L got up,

"If you two don't mind, I am going to work on the case for a little while longer. Do you want me to stay, or are you two okay on your own?" He wanted to stay, but he had a feeling that the two siblings needed a private moment to discuss things. He got up to leave, "Call me if you need anything at all—I'll be right outside the door." He looked towards Ryuk, knowing the Shinigami knew what to do.

...

Light laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling, not wanting L to go but knowing he had to work on the case, and he would sound too needy if he asked.

Sayu went into the bathroom to change, and then dug into her backpack, "Hey, Light, I made another batch of caramels with cinnamon. I know they're your favorite, and I have a bag," she pulled out the bag, "All for you."

Light smiled a bit, yawning sleepily but still sitting up. It would be rude to go to sleep when Sayu was offering him something to cheer him up. "Thanks, Sayu."

"So... Misa's having a baby?" She asked hesitantly, and Light nodded,

"Yeah, she is. I think—I think that was her plan all along, to force a marriage."

"Ryuzaki told me about her being the Second Kira and that she was threatening you." She sighed, "I should have suspected—she doesn't seem like your type at all." That got a small chuckle from Light as he unwrapped one of the candies, eating it and planning to offer one to L since he loved sugary treats. 

"She's not." He hugged himself, getting comfy in the pillows and looking away from her. It was his fault that their parents were fighting right now and that Misa had become a Kira in the first place—he may as well have been asking for it. _My fault, my fault, my fault._

What if this destroyed his parents' marriage? He was tearing apart his family and making things hard for them.

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

That note... those words had been carrying him more than he would like to admit, and he took deep breaths, hearing those words echoing through his mind.

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

_"I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral."_

"Sayu," he whispered, trying to hide the crack in his voice as he kept even more tears at bay. It was pathetic. For eighteen years, the times he had cried could be counted on one hand, but now it had become part of his daily, borderline hourly, routine, and he _hated_ it. What had happened to that strong person he had used to be who could take on anything? 

_The same person who developed a God complex and made your rapist obsessed with you? You're no God—if you were, you wouldn't have frozen up and just taken it._

"I'm gonna try going to sleep, okay? I'm tired. You can watch television or something, but do you mind if I...?"

"Of course, Light." Sayu smiled a little, "I'm not going to force you to talk, but you can always talk to me, okay? You've let me vent about anything to you, it's only natural I return the favor."

Light smiled, and he looked up at Ryuk, who was staring at him intently, and he thought about what Ryuk had said in the bathroom when asked about why he had taken his Death Note out,

_"I'm a Shinigami, Light-o. Killing people is how we survive—and it would be a shame if you broke on me."_

People did care about him, even if sometimes he didn't feel like it. More than anything, he still wanted to get in contact with the third Kira somehow—who had so far been following Light's own MO with almost scary precision, even if there were fewer kills in a day, but the people being shown justice were the exact same as Light. The thought occurred to him that the new Kira could be doing more in-depth research into these people to make sure they were guilty.

He cringed. He had always been taught to believe those who had been arrested were always guilty, and he knew that some people had doubts about that—not that it had ever concerned Light. What if he had been killing innocent people too? It would mean he was just as much of a cold-blooded killer as Misa, even if innocent victims were in self-defense or only theorized and unintentional, while hers were to get in his pants.

Was there a way to learn about these things from the third Kira and maybe learn who this person was? He looked towards Ryuk again, and a thought crossed his mind.

It would cost a ton of apples, but that might be worth it.

...

When L left the bedroom, he got into his usual crouch as he got to work on the case. Aizawa was the only one still working this late as Mogi and Matsuda had gone home. 

Time had customarily been an illusion to him, and he was never aware of what time it was. But seeing as right now he did, L was struck by the sudden realization that Aizawa always pulled absurd amounts of over-time—like he didn't want to go home. Odd, because L had always seen Aizawa as the family guy of the task force. 

"Where's the chief?" Aizawa asked, "And why is Sayu here?"

"Mr. Yagami is having a fight with his wife on the topic of Misa, and he asked me to bring Light-Kun and Sayu-Chan back here, so they don't need to hear it."

Maybe he was tired and frustrated, but he could have sworn he saw something in Aizawa's eyes—for a fleeting moment, a haunted look—but it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

"I didn't realize we were allowed to bring our kids here."

"Not typically, but it's late, and I was already bringing Light-Kun back here—and he needs the comfort of his sister. It's more than likely a one-time occurrence."

Aizawa slumped, "I see," L frowned, noticed that for a moment, Aizawa had a hand over his left forearm almost protectively. The action itself was normal, but something about it just sat wrong with L, but he decided not to inquire about it tonight as he had work to do.

Misa had decided to go to Mrs. Yagami about the restraining order... he checked the terms in the file he had. Yes, he had specified she wasn't allowed to go near the Yagami residence, meaning she had defied the terms. 

_Undoubtedly, Light is anxious about Misa revealing the restraining order and the lies she could spew to make it seem like he is the one at fault, and his family will pay the price. However, if she had already knowingly broken the terms, it doesn't matter what the reason behind the charges was. She will still be more or less admitting to a crime, which can be documented in the camera I subtly placed at the Yagami's front door, so I have recorded evidence of her going, which would get her arrested even for a moment, which I could use as Kira to—_

He sighed. Alas, Misa being pregnant, from what he could tell, rendered Misa immune to the Death Note, and there was still the matter of Rem potentially going ballistic and killing anyone who dare arrest Misa. 

However, he knew that if he retaliated with proof of her breaking a restraining order, then the public view of her would have to decrease just by her sheer inability to follow the rules. Gossip magazines turned people against celebrities every day, and the only thing stopping him from making everything public was Light's sake. The world was cruel and unfair, and he could very well be ridiculed. He knew Light had tried to take the pills and found skittles instead, as he had noticed the note was gone.

He wouldn't reveal the breaking of the restraining order yet. It all depended on what Misa would do. Whether she kept quiet or whined about it on television, he was fine either way—both benefited him in their own way.

What he needed was a confession from Misa, that she had used her Second Kira status to threaten Light and then drugged and raped him. But it wasn't like she was gonna go on television like, "Wahhh, I threatened and raped a guy, and he got a restraining order against me, so I tore apart his home life, and he still won't marry me! Wahhh!"

Now that he thought about it, with what he knew about her intelligence, she might actually do that. Was it too much to wish she would? It probably was, since Rem would more than likely advise against it and stop her, but he could still hope. This case wasn't a game anymore—it was too personal, and the fun had been sucked out of it. That said, he was still going to see it to the end. 

He noticed his phone buzz and saw it was Kiyomi, saying they had been assigned a project in the last class which had been giving busywork, so getting that done within a week would finish off this semester of school for both himself and Light. She also said that many of their classmates were worried about Light and knew he was going through some things.

It brought him some comfort as he went through the motions about searching for information on Kira. After a couple hours, he decided to get up and check on Light and Sayu, opening the door and seeing Sayu had fallen asleep with _National Geographic_ in the background.

Ryuk flew over, "Light was the first asleep, and Sayu fell asleep not long after." L walked over and took in Light's features. Even in sleep, Light didn't seem to have escaped his suffering. Some of his hair was in his face, and L brushed it away, looking at the sleeping siblings and outside at the balcony of the burned magazines and posters, which he checked to see if the smoky smell had faded before bringing it inside.

He noticed his opening of the balcony door had woken up Sayu a bit,

"Thank you, Ryuzaki-San," she whispered sleepily, and L smiled and nodded as she went back to sleep. 

Upon leaving, he noticed Aizawa had passed out on the couch, so L asked Watari to get some coffee and an apple, deciding to investigate the evidence against criminals and write names. 

All he had to do now was wait for Misa's next move.


	11. Chapter 11

Sayu was already at school by the time Light woke up, insisting that L take good care of him since she knew Light wasn't going to be home anytime soon. This was a promise L could make without even thinking. He noticed Light looked as though he hadn't slept at all even though he had slept through the night.

He frowned as he brought Light some breakfast. Light's attire was different. He was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, highly contrasting the formal attire he had worn before, not even wearing jeans before this incident had arisen.

"Light-Kun, Watari made breakfast. It's a normal breakfast in England, I hope you don't mind." On the plate were some eggs, toast, bacon, and also a cup of black tea with some milk and sugar. The tea itself was standard with English breakfast and helps relieve stress, which sounded helpful for Light.

Light looked up at the tray which was sat on his lap, "Oh, you don't need to go through the trouble, I—"

"You barely touched your food last night, which puts the last time you ate anything which could even begin to serve as reasonable sustenance at twenty-six hours ago." L refuted in a matter-of-fact tone. To prove his point, Light's stomach growled loudly, earning an embarrassed flush from the young man in question. 

"Ryuzaki, I just don't think I have much appetite." L huffed, not planning on giving up, waving a piece of bacon in Light's face.

"You know you want it."

Light narrowed his eyes, "If I eat the damn bacon, will you stop pestering me?"

"If you eat until you're full, I will. And I will have you know that with how little you've eaten, the portions are what someone would be able to healthily consume with the same lack in nutrients as you lately." He sat on the bed, observing Light, who was massaging his temples, 

"Why do you care so much? I just want to be alone and sleep."

L hesitated. He didn't want to make Light uncomfortable, and what if he took the idea that somebody cared the wrong way? What does one say in this situation?

"Your father's worried," he tried, "We talked the other night, and he's afraid about this... incident causing a—" he hesitated, afraid of how Light would react, "A relapse."

Silence as Light fully comprehended what L knew about his past and the sudden realization of why L was concerned. But Light just laid back down, hugging himself and turning on his side,

"I'm fine, Ryuzaki. I just don't have an appetite." L pushed the food closer to him,

"Light-Kun, _please_."

"Please leave me alone," Light whispered, and L recoiled a bit, before sighing, leaving the food on the nightstand.

"I'll be here if you need anything." He relented, getting up and leaving, deciding to check on the progress of the new headquarters—which would serve as better protection for Light.

Aizawa looked up, "Is Light okay?"

"He wants to be left alone, probably so I don't ask him to eat something." He ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head and deciding to try burying his concern in his work. But what could he even do?

Matsuda came in with some coffee that nobody had asked for, but L still appreciated, "Any luck getting Light to eat something?" He looked around, "Where's the chief?"

"He hasn't been back all night." L replied, "Either he and his wife made up, or this is a really long fight. Actually, I sent Mogi to go check on them just in case."

"Right." Aizawa got up, "Ryuzaki, I'm going to try talking to Light." L frowned, cocking his head,

"Really?" He put his thumb to his lips, "Unexpected. Very well, but only if he is willing. However, perhaps we should give him some time alone."

...

As soon as Ryuzaki had left, Light felt guilty, having seen the look of hurt on the detective's face. It shook Light to the core, knowing that he wasn't faking that look unless L was a better actor than expected. And he knew more than Light had expected or was comfortable with him knowing—he would rather bury some aspects of his past in the deepest parts of his subconscious where they belonged, never to be seen or heard from again.

He looked at the food as though it was the root of all evil. His stomach growled, but at the same time, the thought of food disgusted him, yet he still felt his hand gravitating towards it before pulling back.

Why the hell was he doing something he didn't want to because Ryuzaki looked at him weirdly. 

That look appeared behind his eyes again. Not even hurt—but afraid, angry, and unsure, biting his bottom lip and grey eyes with a momentarily extinguished flame.

Needless to say, it was a look he had never imagined on the world's greatest detective who wanted to see him dangling on the end of a noose. 

A thought occurred to him. Did L actually want to hurt him? Kira, sure, but was it possible he didn't want to hurt _Light_? Nevermind that, he had been prioritizing Misa over the original Kira. Was that because she was an easier target?

He nibbled at a piece of toast, finding his appetite coming back a little bit, but not enough to let him eat anything besides that one thing and drink the tea, which had begun to cool by the time he had started sipping it.

"Ryuk," he looked up at Ryuk as he sat down at the desk, taking a piece of paper and an envelope from the desk drawer, as was found in the hotel, writing on it. "Do you think I could pay you in apples to take this letter to the third Kira?"

"What for?" Ryuk asked, looking over Light's shoulder. Light sighed, hating his words in the letter and tearing it up before throwing it in the wastebasket and covering it with some tissues. Then he began again,

"I want to talk to him—or her."

"Him." Light grinned, getting that information,

"Alright then, I want to talk to him. Does he know who I am, or just what Misa did?"

"I don't know if he knows you're Kira. But he does know about Misa. And he knows you can see me since I told him that I touched you with my own notebook."

Hold on... if the third Kira knew... he supposed that Ryuk could have made it known, but his gut asked him, what if the third Kira was someone on the task force?

What did he want to say to the third Kira? He wanted to say a lot, but he had no idea how to express any of it without sounding pathetic, or god forbid like Misa. If the third Kira didn't know for sure that Light was the original, it was best he displayed the image he did in high school—ending up a Kira supporter but also not wanting his father to know. With this method of pretending to be neutral and stating facts, he had managed to convert many people to being on Kira's side.

Actually, now that he thought about it, this was the perfect way to get his head back in the game. He had been struggling lately, and the rare times he had been able to use the pages of the Death Note he had hidden in the bottom of his backpack were more going through the motions than anything else. He still had his doubts about what Kira was doing was the right thing, so surely, if this individual had a clear head and could explain his reasons for becoming the third Kira, things would go back to normal.

He tried again to write this note before he was finally satisfied and gave it to Ryuk to show the third Kira, then he decided to get some sleep since he was exhausted.

However, he had just gotten himself situated in bed when he heard a knock on the door, and Aizawa came in. Light looked up, grouchily, "What?"

"Hey, Light," Aizawa suddenly seemed uncharacteristic sheepish, which caught Light off-guard, "Can we—Can we talk... like go walk and talk?"

Light sat up now, rubbing his eyes, "About what?"

Aizawa rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and Light frowned, noticing the slight wince, which sparked his intrigue, "Just—There's something I should tell you, but..." he trailed off. 

Light thought about it. If they were going to be leaving the hotel, Misa might find him, and anyone could get hurt. Not even that, he had only left with Ryuk, his Dad, or L. However, he was really curious about what Aizawa wanted to say, and he did trust the officer.

He got up, not bothering to change out of baggy sweats—the less attention on him, the better. Already, he could hear the voices in his head saying this was going to end badly. However, he focused on his curiosity and noticed that Ryuk followed closely behind him as they walked for a while in silence. Light hugged himself somewhat and moved closer to Aizawa whenever he saw people staring at him, pulling the hood of his hoodie over his face even more. 

They continued to walk in silence for about another half an hour until they ended up on a bridge overlooking the kamejima river. Light occasionally wondered if Aizawa was actually going to say anything, or this was an excuse for Light to get some fresh air.

Eventually, they stopped along the bridge, where they were alone, and Light decided to ask, "What did you want to talk about."

"Oh. Um..." Aizawa suddenly seemed much more interested in the water. Light chuckled humorlessly,

"Come on, we've come all this way. What is it?" Aizawa looked up from the water, looking around as though checking to see if they were truly alone, then he sighed.

"I... I know that the last couple of weeks have been hard on you. I get it, actually, having something terrible happen, but there's no way anything can be done without—without making things worse."

Hold on, Aizawa was stammering? Light contemplated what was actually said and noticed one of Aizawa's hands was covering his left forearm. 

"What happened to your arm?" Light tried, and Aizawa tensed, before pulling up his sleeve to reveal what he had been hiding. 

Of all the things Light may have expected, _this_ was not it.

Dark blue and purple bruises covered a considerable portion of Aizawa's arm in a disturbing and borderline sickening image, as though he had been struck _hard_ with something and had been using his forearm as a shield.

Light gaped, and Ryuk examined the injuries too, "Brutal." Ryuk laughed, "How interesting." 

He thought on what Aizawa had said, and he instantly realized why this would concern him, "Your wife did this. She hurts you."

Aizawa nodded tiredly, exhaustion suddenly making him seem a lot older than he actually was, hiding the bruises again. "I can't really tell anybody—your father would be furious if he found out, and want to make things right, but it's not like anything can be done. Saying anything would make the situation worse because even if I have proof, Eriko will be believed over me, and it could also ruin the lives of my kids. So I get it, Light, the situation you're in."

"Um... is there more?" He found himself asking reluctantly, thinking back on the time he had known Aizawa, and realizing that he could recall times where he sat weird or winced at unexpected times, so quickly it could be easily missed. And Aizawa's shrug in response just served to prove that yes, there were more injuries.

"It doesn't really matter since it all heals given a little time," Aizawa replied simply, as though this was just something he had grown to accept and not a cruel happening that he didn't deserve.

"Does anybody else know?" Light asked meekly, finding himself honored to have been trusted with such a secret, but then there was a sick feeling in his stomach that he was Kira and had been entrusted with that.

Eriko was assaulting Aizawa. Technically that made her a criminal, and therefore he could help. However, at the same time, he couldn't kill her either without once again falling under suspicion because why would Kira want to kill Eriko Aizawa, a seemingly perfectly normal housewife? 

He wondered if maybe he could make her suffer an unfortunate accident, but even if he was going to do that, he would need to wait a while.

"Ide suspects," Aizawa muttered, "But Ukita was the only person who knew anything for sure."

It was an innocent answer, but Light felt like he had been punched in the gut, remembering very clearly, the officer who Misa had murdered in cold blood supposedly to please Light. He didn't even know what to say, realizing that Aizawa was offering Light support, but Light was indirectly responsible for the lack of Aizawa's own.

"So I guess Misa's made everything harder for both of us," Light whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, "I'm so sorry, Aizawa." 

"This isn't about me," Aizawa replied, "I brought you out here because you deserve to know that I understand what you're going through. If you ever need to talk with someone who gets it, you can come to me."

"The same applies," Light replied, "Misa's a bitch, but if you don't think you're safe—"

"It's okay." Aizawa dismissed, "Hopefully, things will get better after this nightmare of a case. But can you please not tell your father? I don't want to worry him when he should be focusing on you."

Light smiled despite himself, "Is my father basically the Dad friend of the task force?"

"Basically."

"Why am I not surprised?" Light deflated, "I don't know what to do, Aizawa. Misa's pregnant, and I didn't even want kids—especially not so early, but the idea of having the pregnancy terminated makes me uncomfortable."

"I get that. You could always put the kid up for adoption, or I could help you with raising the kid if that's what you want."

"I don't know." Light looked down at his feet, "Thanks for confiding in me. I don't know if there's anything I can say to help, but it actually means a lot."

"Should we head back?" Aizawa asked, "You look exhausted."

"To be honest, I am." He checked his phone—no new messages. "Yeah, we should head back."

OoOoO

Aizawa and Light came back after much longer than L had expected, and Light seemed tired but less like he was about to shatter under the stress and pressure, but at the same time, there was a newfound sadness in his eyes. What had Aizawa said to him?

He wished he could ask Ryuk, but apparently, Ryuk had gotten bored and decided to let Light know about his existence, making talking to the Shinigami much more difficult. He didn't know if Ryuk was lying, and Light was the original Kira, and this was just to hide that fact, or it was the truth.

It also meant that if L slipped up, his secret would be exposed to Light. If Light was the original, they would be back at a stalemate since they would both have the ammunition to destroy the other. However, if Light wasn't the original, that would ruin everything unless Light had a reason not to reveal the truth.

"What did you two talk about?" Matsuda asked eagerly, leaning in and ready to hear about it. Aizawa scoffed,

"None of your business."

"I assume it had something to do with how Misa's had an extremely negative impact on your life too." L said bluntly, and Aizawa flinched, nodding.

"I'm gonna shower," Light announced, and then shut the door, and then Ryuk set a piece of paper subtly in L's trench coat pocket.

"It's a letter from Light," Ryuk explained, "He said he'd pay me in apples to give you notes. Seems he likes you—or the third Kira if you prefer."

L excused himself, walking into the second bathroom and opening the letter.

_Sorry if this note's a little rushed and informal. I don't exactly know what to say, so I suppose I should start with thank you for having Ryuk watching over me and calling for help when Misa got ahold of me again. I don't know who you are, but I am immensely grateful, and it's been helpful support._

_If it's not too much, do you mind if I ask some questions regarding your reasons? I've always been a Kira supporter but too embarrassed to let people know about it. My resolve was shaken after Misa was killing innocent people under Kira's name for selfish reasons. Why did you become Kira?_

_I hope we can exchange notes because I would like to get to know you, but I understand if you have no desire to do so._

_Thanks again,_

_Light Yagami_

L was dumbfounded by the shy tone in this letter, and Light straight-up admitting to being a Kira supporter who was shaken because of Misa? That was something he would never dream of hearing from Light as L the detective, which proved that he didn't see the real Light Yagami in his conversations as a detective. But with this, he could actually learn more about Light as a person, away from the expectations.

Light could be lying, L knew. This could all be an elaborate plan of Light's to capture the third Kira. Or maybe Light was the original Kira and had lost the resolve to continue his mission thanks to Misa—and wouldn't that be ironic? Misa's lust and supposedly loyalty to Kira actually making Kira question what he was doing and unknowingly turn to his arch-nemesis for validation. 

Of course, L had no proof of either of those theories being the truth, so he decided that he would reply and maintain anonymity. It didn't hurt as long as he was careful, and on the off chance this was Light's genuine feelings, he wanted to get to know this side of Light. Maybe they could be real friends away from the suspicion and the necessary secrets in ordinary life. Perhaps he could get a confession out of Light—

No, he decided. He didn't want a confession. While he would like to be proved correct, he no longer saw Kira as the bad guy in all of this or someone in need of being captured—that honor went to Misa. So why would a confession be his goal here?

It would be harder to write to Light once the new headquarters was completed, but he knew he could make this work. 

Ryuk laughed, "Looks like he likes you."

"It would seem so." He looked up to the Shinigami, "Light seems to be feeling a little better."

Ryuk laughed, "You wouldn't believe what Aizawa told him!" 

_It's none of my business,_ L tried to tell himself, but curiosity was starting to eat at him. _No, what they discussed was between them._

He decided to go about this because it looked like Ryuk was itching to tell L everything, "Is anybody's safety at risk?"

"Well, Aizawa's arm is blue and purple, and he said his wife did that, so I would say so."

L paused for a moment, trying to process that information, and he thought back to last night with the odd way Aizawa had been holding his arm. And then he frowned, thinking about every possible outcome and the ramifications of each choice he made.

Eriko was a criminal—and in L's eyes, she was a vile creature who was not much better than Misa. He shuddered, thinking about his life before Watari found him, and the idea of the injury Ryuk described made him a little queasy. Nobody had the right to harm others—and for it to be not just someone you're lusting after, but your actual family...

He could kill her. He could arrange to have her murdered, and the culprit die a few days after that. He could make it happen. However, if the task force ever found out that the Death Note kills in more ways than heart attacks, that could put Light in hot water.

What he did know was that he was fed up with cases he couldn't do anything about. These were his men, damnit! He was sick and tired of those close to him being abused or damaged or traumatized in some way, and if he was currently unable to express his rage towards Misa, Eriko was close enough. 

But before he did anything, he needed to consider the factors of Aizawa's children and how only Light was supposed to know about this. He could always say he had already known since he was a detective, and had brushed off the injuries until now. But he needed proof that his worries were justified...

He wondered if it was even his place to interfere. His job was to handle the Kiras, so it wasn't any of his business what went down behind closed doors in the Aizawa household.

No. Someone was endangering the safety of one of his men, so it made perfect sense that he would see a reason to get involved. Though he knew that with the insufferable belief that women couldn't abuse men, he would need to frame Eriko for something else. _That_ would be remarkably easy because she wasn't a celebrity.

He quickly hid the note and then came back out since he had almost been gone too long, and he noticed the chief was back, "Are you alright, Yagami-San?" Soichiro looked up,

"I just remember some bad memories of the last time we realized Light was dealing with some things."

"What happened?" Matsuda asked, and Soichiro slumped,

"We've always been considered the perfect family, and I love Sachiko, but she tends to disregard anything that would interfere with her picture, and with how little I'm around because of work, there isn't someone to support Light and Sayu through difficult moments in their lives. In Sachiko's mind, everything would be right with the world if Light just sucks it up and marries Misa. Last time something like this happened with an issue regarding Light's mental health, it was frustrating but not nearly as bad as this time." He looked towards the door to the bedroom Light and L shared, "I don't want to worry him, but I don't have much optimism this time about the outcome and how it affects the family."

L sighed, getting into his usual squat and going through the motions as an idea popped into his head since he knew that he would need to come up with a lead for the original Kira eventually. 

The chief was having marriage problems and clearly had a guilt complex, Aizawa was being beaten by his wife, Matsuda had a depression vibe to him, Light's mental health was a disaster. What was wrong with Mogi? L was starting to realize that everyone might be here not for justice but because they were borderline suicidal.

So he had to keep Light from breaking and keep in contact with him as the third Kira; get proof that he had reason to be concerned and then deal with Aizawa's wife; keep his identity as a Kira supporter and the third Kira a secret, and capture Misa. This was starting to get overwhelming. 

Well, he was a defender of justice, after all. Even if this wasn't as fun as he preferred and had previously anticipated when taking this case, he could find a way to make this fun—except the Misa part, because Misa had to die.

Of course, there was one way to make things exhilarating again and solve one of his problems. He'd have to talk to Ryuk about the details because if he could do this successfully, everything would become a lot more interesting.


	12. Chapter 12

Heading to school without Light was something L had never envisioned himself doing. Of course, that wasn't actually what he was doing, but if anybody asked, that was what the task force and Watari would say.

In actuality, L was headed to a craft store, purchasing some supplies with cash and sitting at the cafe as he worked. The staff left him alone as long as he kept getting drinks and food, and since they had good treats, there was no reluctance in doing so.

Ryuk looked at him curiously as L finished up the stitching and some glue, "Whatcha doing?"

L bit his tongue a little as he focused on what he was doing, before holding up the finished product, a notebook. He subtly touched Ryuk with it and felt the power flow into the new human-made Death Note, which had a red leather covering instead of the trademark black.

Ryuk's eyes lit up like a child in a candy store, "I've never seen a human think to do that before." L nodded, speaking quietly even if nobody could hear him in this part of the cafe,

"A maximum of six Death Notes are allowed in the human world. Would it even count because this one is manmade? I would assume it would still count since my goal in making a new notebook is to have something that has infinite pages, so contact would be minimal. There are currently three, and now there are four."

"There are four, and this is the fifth." Ryuk corrected, and L looked up in fascination as the Shinigami elaborated, "About a year ago, I gave the Death Note to a kid. He doesn't use it, but he still has it."

L bit his thumb as he took this new information into consideration. This child hadn't gotten involved, but what if he did? Then the Death Note would be revealed, which wasn't a risk L wanted to take. It was pointless to ask Ryuk the name of this kid, so while he supposed he could do some research, he wasn't sure he could find anything.

Besides, he still wanted to have fun with this, and it wouldn't be a satisfying victory at all if Ryuk just told him the answer. He put the new notebook in his bag and paid, trying to think about who he should select as a new Kira.

Kiyomi was a good choice since he could tell from the few interactions he'd had with her that she worshipped Kira. However, there was a difference between worship and willingness to kill. And he didn't dislike her, so he didn't particularly desire to use her as a scapegoat.

He supposed he could have Ryuk give it to a greedy businessman, but that just seemed too generic and simplistic. L still desired an ally out of whoever this was, and the last thing he needed was someone who could turn to Misa's side due to lust. That meant he needed to find a Kira worshipper and sacrifice them, someone who saw Kira as true justice and wouldn't tolerate the imposter that was Misa, who he desired to find a new name for the public to call her.

He was on his way out and noticed a call from Watari, asking him what the purpose of him going to school was, and he answered that he was searching for gossip regarding Misa's whereabouts, which was what he was doing now.

He mentally checked making the new Death Note off his to-do list, and now he needed to find a candidate, and he had his meeting with Rem sometime soon. He needed to prove that Aizawa was being abused by his wife and then handle the issue. He needed to make sure Light wasn't forced into marriage by his nag of a mother, and he needed to reply to Light's note.

"L Lawliet," L groaned internally when he heard Rem's voice, but then he realized something. According to Ryuk, a Shinigami couldn't leave within fourteen kilometers of the human attached to the notebook. Ryuk himself was a special case because he had multiple humans with the Death Note, but given how Rem was able to go to the hotel and to To-Oh, it could give him a more accurate radius of where Misa was. However, she could just be out and about at the moment in a wig or something like that.

"Hello, Rem," L growled quietly, continuing to walk like normal, thankful he had prepared for her meeting up with him soon, "How is your little Jezebel?"

"You mean Misa?" L didn't bother to look to her, and turned to Ryuk, 

"Go search for what I'm looking for, and I will buy you an apple." Ryuk flew off, leaving L alone with Rem.

"What are you searching for?" Rem asked, and L continued to walk around and reminded himself that she wasn't stupid, just naive. So this couldn't be _that_ bad, right?

"Why did you let Misa break the rules of her restraining order?" He asked, "A question for a question. You answer mine, and I'll return the favor."

Rem frowned, "But now you have asked me two questions, one involving this and also Misa's health unless you view those two as being one and the same."

"Let's go with that since her wellbeing seems to be all about hurting Light."

"Misa and her child are well, and she went to Light Yagami's house to ask about the restraining order and plan the union between herself and Light Yagami."

L turned a little for the briefest moment, which wouldn't seem too suspicious if he was just alone walking down the street. He needed to look her in the eye for this, "He tried to take his own life after the last time he spoke to that succubus."

"Misa isn't this monster you believe her to be," Rem insisted, "And it's your turn to answer my question about what you are searching for."

"I am searching for many things, but if you mean what Ryuk is after, it's either Misa or someone who will help me." He chuckled, "And don't think you can kill me and be done with it. Ryuk has sole rights to my name." Even if that wasn't the case, he already had a plan he could use to ensure he was immune to the notebook.

"Lawliet, please," Rem pleaded, "If you could just talk to Misa, you'll understand. She's had a hard life, and Light Yagami has become a person who is necessary for Misa to live. Without him, she would lose the will to go on." 

"A hard life, you say." He had to fight back the growl trying to force its way up, "I will not deny what happened to her was awful, but that does not justify what she has done. I lost my parents, and do you see me raping anybody?"

"You also implied you have family left."

"And Misa has a sister," an idea popped into his mind, and he was all for trying it once he got back to headquarters, "So I don't see what that has to do with anything. Besides, even if I do have surviving family, you'll never find it." 

"So, you still haven't changed your mind."

"And I never will," he made sure he was alone again, and he was, so he looked back towards her, "Unless, of course, you tell me how to kill a Shinigami. Or you could always have Misa renounce ownership of the notebook."

"I can't do that, L Lawliet."

L huffed, walking into a market and purchasing some apples for when Ryuk returned. He was quiet, which was code for Rem that this conversation would go nowhere.

She sighed, "I'll check in next week and talk to Misa about the restraining order." The Shinigami flew off, and Ryuk came back a few minutes later once L was headed back to headquarters.

"I was looking around," Ryuk said, "And it looks like a lot of people on TV like Kira. Maybe look there."

"Sounds interesting. I'll look tonight while writing my letter." 

"Ryuzaki!" L turned and saw Matsuda running up to him, "Watari sent me to come find you. You're looking for gossip regarding Misa's whereabouts, right?" L nodded,

"Yes. From what I gather, Misa's somewhere within the fourteen-kilometer radius between the hotel, To-Oh university, and here."

"Really?" Matsuda brightened, "You really do live up to your reputation." He then tensed, "But you don't typically go out. Don't you work from behind a screen?"

L nodded tensely, "This is also the first time I have needed to arrest a celebrity but also keep the victim a secret. But I must admit this process is tedious, so while I can now say I've tried it, it's not going to be happening again."

"So, are we heading back?" Matsuda asked, and L nodded,

"Yes, I believe so."

Alright, so now he needed to find someone to take this new notebook, write the letter to Light, and prove Aizawa was being abused by Eriko so that nobody would need to put up with that anymore.

Matsuda decided to try starting conversation, it seemed, "Ryuzaki, you've been acting differently lately."

L sighed, putting his hands in his pockets, "I know, and I'm working on it. Misa's just infuriating. I'm supposed to be working on the Kira case, and then she has to come around and be the Second Kira, a rapist, and a celebrity." He flinched when he felt Matsuda's hand on his shoulder without warning,

"Don't worry, Ryuzaki. I'm sure you'll think of something."

"I know I will." 

They got back to headquarters, and L decided to put his next plan into action, seeing Aizawa was holding a laptop before sitting down.

"Aizawa-San, are you hurt?" Aizawa turned, and L noticed the slight panic in the older man's eyes as he continued, "Your microexpressions say you're in pain."

"Oh, I'm fine." Was the annoyed reply. L put his thumb to his mouth, cocking his head innocently, 

"Aizawa-San, you know it's part of my job to make sure those working under me are safe, right? I have noticed that you have been extra careful with your arm for the last couple of days. A sprain, perhaps?"

"It's nothing," Aizawa glared, "Even if it was, drop it."

"Aizawa?" Matsuda asked worriedly, knowing as well as everyone else in the room that he wouldn't be getting so defensive if it actually was nothing.

Now that the seed had been planted, L strategically said nothing, and he noticed that Aizawa was not happy seeing the worried looks from everyone else.

He entered his bedroom and saw Light was asleep, and he smiled a bit before it faded. It wasn't healthy for him to be sleeping so much, not doing anything besides this. And this nap wasn't beneficial, because he rarely seemed to hit REM sleep where he would get real rest, but at least he didn't have any nightmares.

Tonight he would write that letter and give it to Light. Hopefully, that would make him smile. It still surprised him to no end that Light had admitted to being a Kira supporter. It made sense that he would never admit it to L or his father, but the fact he said such also slightly lowered his chances of being the original Kira. 

Of course, there was still a high chance that he was the original and trying to take back the position, but L was glad to fill in as long as Light needed if that was the case.

"What's your game, Ryuzaki?" L smirked a bit and turned to see Aizawa had shut and locked the door,

"My game?"

"Why the hell are you trying to pry into my personal life when that is not why you are here?" L grabbed Aizawa's arm and pulled the sleeve up, seeing the bruising was still brutal, and there was most likely a small fracture in the forearm.

"I have suspected for a long time, and as of late, it's affecting your performance. Even then, I have no wish for my men to be harmed, so as a defender of justice, it stands to reason I would want to help you regarding your bitch of a wife, correct?"

Aizawa looked in the direction of the sleeping Light, deciding to lower his voice a bit, "Did Light tell you?"

"So that's what you discussed. Good to know. But no, Light-Kun told me nothing on the matter." He softened, "I hope you can understand why I feel the need to get involved, and I'll have Watari take a look at your arm."

"There's no point in getting involved," Aizawa snapped, "There's nothing you can do."

"Eriko will be arrested tomorrow morning after dropping off the kids to school, for illegal drug possession."

"What?!"

"Huh?" They both turned and saw Light was waking up, rubbing his eyes sleepily, "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Light," L assured him, "I'm just discussing some things with Aizawa-San." 

"Oh." Light brightened a little, but it didn't reach his eyes, "Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Your father planned to take you out to dinner with Sayu-Chan," L stated, "How about you get ready."

Light nodded a bit, mostly to himself, "Okay... Okay..." he got up and headed to the bathroom, smiling a bit to Aizawa too, before disappearing, and Ryuk went in after Light. 

"Anyway," L replied, "I will not be risking the lives of those working under me." Aizawa's eyes were wide, and L put on a face of sorrow when he felt nothing of the sort, "I know what's going in your head, and feel free to hate me all you wish, and to atone for the changes to your family, I will give you plenty of money to ensure you can get by."

"That's not the issue!" Aizawa shouted, "She's just mad that I'm gone a lot, and that is because of you, and you are condemning my wife to death thanks to Kira when none of that is your business!"

To admit that awful people such as Eriko deserved to be erased would not be the right course of action, so L replied simply, "Whether Kira is active or not, that doesn't change the fact your life is in danger, and how do you know your children are not being harmed while you aren't home? If you wish, I can do my best to keep this arrest a secret until the Kira case has been solved." That was a damn lie because he would make sure somebody blabbed, and it ended up somewhere Kira could find, but that wouldn't be the fault of L the detective, rather the third—or second since Misa only counted due to her notebook—Kira.

Aizawa tugged at his hair as though trying to compose himself, "This is happening too fast. This wasn't..."

"I can discuss matters with Yagami-San regarding your children, and you can have the night off if you wish."

"No," he looked up, "I can't go back there right now. But... just keep it a secret, so Kira doesn't kill her. I suppose that's the closest thing to a victory I can get with you."

L nodded, "I can tell you're partially in shock. Take some time to yourself and have your arm examined. I have arranged for you to have paid leave for as long as you need for your family's sake." Aizawa just glared at him,

"Fine." He walked off, and while L knew this was not going to be anywhere near the end of it, all things considered, that conversation went well. Now he needed to find a new Kira and write his letter to Light. Both of these would be very convenient since everyone should be headed home around 8pm, even if Aizawa stayed he wouldn't be talking to L for a while. Mr. Yagami was going to be taking Light to dinner, so even if they got back at a reasonable hour, Light would be exhausted and pass out.

For now, he needed to work on the case, and remember to conceal that anything was wrong.

OoOoO

Light looked around the Tresbien restaurant, checking again to make sure Misa wasn't anywhere nearby. He absently picked at his sirloin steak he had reluctantly ordered even though he wasn't hungry.

Sayu ate her hamburger with no trouble and waved a fry in Light's face, "You know you want one," she taunted and frowned when she noticed he was still looking around. "Light, she's not here. And even if she was, I wouldn't let her near you."

"Sayu's right, Light," their Dad assured, "You're safe." 

"Right..." Light picked at his food a little bit before looking up, "So, Dad, why did you bring us out? I'm grateful, but is there a reason?"

His Dad nodded with a sigh, "Yes. Light, Sayu, you both know what's been going on involving your mother and Misa..."

"Yeah, what of it?" Sayu asked, brightening, "Have you found a lead?"

"Ryuzaki actually has found a lead on her whereabouts," he replied, "But that is not what we're going to be discussing." Sayu looked to Light, nudging him with her elbow playfully,

"I like Ryuzaki. He seems like a good friend for you."

Light forced a smile, trying not to think about the fact that Ryuzaki could one day be the reason he was executed. "Yeah. I'm glad you like him."

Ryuk looked down at Light, "Your friend said he's going to reply to your letter tonight. I'll check and see if he's done." Those words made Light's smile much more genuine as nervous butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

"Anyway, you were saying, Dad?"

His Dad sighed, "Until this situation with Misa is resolved, the three of us will not be living at the house."

"What?!" Both kids asked, and Sayu was clearly shocked,

"Why?"

"Your mother is in support of Light marrying Misa and plans to have terms on the restraining order altered so she can go into the house to see you. Especially added to the theories about Misa Amane being the Second Kira, it won't be safe for either of you, especially if she tries to use you, Sayu, as a hostage to get to Light." He looked to both of his children, "Light, Sayu, I will be giving you both a key and instructions on how to safely get to and from school. If it comes down to it, I have asked L to put you both in Witness Protection." 

"I understand, Dad," Light assured, "But shouldn't I just stay with Ryuzaki?" He was good either way, but something about staying close to the detective made him feel so much safer than even a place far away from the house would be.

"Whichever you're most comfortable with," his father explained, "But we will be working on helping you be more comfortable going out into the world again."

"I want to help, Dad!" Sayu suddenly jumped up, but then sat back down upon remembering they were in a nice restaurant, "I don't want Misa to get away with this. Girls and guys my age talk about her all the time, so maybe I can learn something."

"No," both Light and Soichiro said in synch, neither wanting to put her in danger with this.

"Sayu, I don't want you getting dragged into this because of me," Light pleaded, putting a hand on hers before looking around again, having sworn he heard Misa's irritatingly loud shriek of his name. But he shook himself, sure he had just been hearing things.

Sayu scoffed, "You both are talking about how justice comes first, and when I want to get involved, you both shut me down?"

"You're also fifteen" their Dad replied, and Sayu crossed her arms,

"Light was solving murders for the NPA at fifteen."

"I think Misa is a bit worse than that," Light replied, "Please, Sayu, stay out of this."

She huffed, "Fine." But he hadn't heard a lie that transparent for a long time. Their Dad narrowed his eyes,

"Sayu," he said sternly, and she sighed,

"Alright, alright, I'll stay out of it." She pouted, and their Dad looked to Light and his food,

"Are you going to finish that here, or should we take it to-go for you to eat later tonight?"

"I'm not very hungry," Light tried, but knew that wasn't going to be put up with,

"To-go it is, and I'll make sure Ryuzaki reminds you to eat."

Light sighed, knowing he would have to eat eventually, even if he really didn't want to, so he tried to distract himself as they paid and got a to-go container, about what would be in this new Kira's letter.

They walked out, and Sayu looked up to their father, "So where's this new place?"

"Things will be set up tomorrow, but for the next couple of nights, you're staying in a hotel room a couple of floors below the suite Ryuzaki is staying in."

"Okay," as they left the restaurant, Light clung to his father's arm a bit, looking around nervously. It was dark...

That night walking alone flashed into his mind. Being jumped without warning and her finger to his lips before forcing a kiss upon him.

He clung a little tighter, squeezing his eyes shut, and he felt a soothing hand on his shoulder,

"No one's going to hurt you, Light."

He relaxed a bit as they got in the car, "I know."

Getting back to the hotel, Light wished Sayu goodnight, and his father walked him up to Ryuzaki's room before also retiring for the night.

Ryuzaki was in the main room with Aizawa, and Light could feel the tension in the room but decided not to comment on it once he noticed the brace on Aizawa's arm, which implied L had known something and then acted upon it.

"How was your dinner, Light-Kun?" L asked, looking up from his work, and the news was on in the background, "I assume those are leftovers." Light nodded a bit, and L pushed a plate in front of him with some sweets, "I also have some uirō and different types of fudge if you would like some."

Light looked down at the treats before hesitantly taking a piece of key lime fudge, "Thank you, Ryuzaki." He yawned, "I'll put my leftovers in the minifridge and get some sleep, is that alright?"

"Yes. Have a good night, Light-Kun," Ryuzaki assured, and Aizawa looked up,

"Good night, Light."

Light entered their room and saw Ryuk with a wide grin waving around an envelope, "Look who replied!" 

Nervousness made itself known again as he with shaking hands took the letter and opened it, frowning a little when he noticed the handwriting was unfamiliar. He supposed that whoever this was simply changed his writing to keep his identity a secret. He sat on the bed, reading it over,

_Dear Light,_

_No need to apologize for informality. I was never one for "sticking to the status quo," so to speak, so I enjoy the organic nature informality and genuine emotions hold._

_Please don't thank me, Light, because it's only what anyone with enough decency and self-respect would do. I know decency is not something you came across much lately, but know that my helping you is not special treatment or seeing you some kind of prize. Sure, I'm grateful that you feel happy and safe, but that should be the standard for you. Nobody deserves to experience what you went through._

_As to why I became Kira… I had a bit of a realization as of late. I was actually opposed to Kira in the beginning. I found that people weren't necessarily good or bad, and I thought that Kira was arrogant. However, events in my personal life and hearing what happened to you have changed that. I realized that perhaps Kira had more of a rightful motive then I initially thought, that maybe those people should be erased from this Earth through force, as sometimes, the law can't rightfully arrest said criminals, as we both seem to have learned as of late._

_If I can protect people from cruel vile monsters such as Misa at the price of being the only monster left? Then so be it._

_I do want to exchange more letters with you, Light. I find you quite intriguing, and I look forward to conversing with you. You have the potential to become one of the brightest and interesting characters of our Earth. Don't let anyone stop you._

_Kind regards,_

_Azrael_

"Azrael..." Light ran a hand over the paper with a ghost of a smile, finally having a name to put with this guardian angel of his, and he could tell this alias came from the angel of death, which made it all the more fitting. He reread the letter again.

Ryuk looked over his shoulder to read it, "Are you gonna reply?"

"Yeah," he then felt panic, "But what should I even say?"

He thought about what Azrael had said about his reasons for becoming Kira, and it was interesting to hear that he was initially against Kira.

Kira really was making a difference. He held the letter close and laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. 

_Misa's clearly the outlier. Azrael understands me, and so does Kiyomi, so Kira's message isn't lost to the people._

He turned on some television while he changed into his pajamas, rereading the letter a couple more times and trying to think of something to say before drifting to sleep.

OoOoO

It was almost midnight when Aizawa finally reached a point where he was too tired to work anymore, and his body forced him to sleep regardless of his stress. L entered his bedroom and saw Light was asleep with the television on in the background. In his hands was the letter he had received. 

Ryuk looked to L, laughing a bit, "He likes it."

"Good." He sat on his own bed and took note of what Light had been watching, and the talk at the moment was regarding Kira, and he perked up upon hearing who was talking and what was being said.

"I'd like to hear Kira's voice. I want to hear his thoughts once again. We should follow his teachings, exactly as Kira ordered. To me, it's obviously the quickest path to lasting world peace. It's our duty to improve our society. If there are no words or orders from Kira, then we have only one choice. We need to think for ourselves. We need to consider what Kira has taught us, determine what he wants most and make our own decisions from there."

L grinned, seeing the name listed at the bottom of the screen for the speaker, and grabbed a piece of paper off the notepad and the new Death Note, "Ryuk, I have a delivery for you to make."

...

"I don't understand why Light would get a restraining order!" Misa whined, holding some little booties and moving them to imitate a dance over her stomach, "How is he supposed to be part of the baby's life?"

Rem sighed, "It doesn't seem to have been Light Yagami's choice."

No, it was Lawliet's, who would stop at nothing to kill Misa. Did he care about Misa's unborn child? Rem didn't know but liked to believe the detective had been bluffing last week when he said he would kill the baby with no remorse. Hopefully, Light Yagami had enough of a heart to forcefully put an end to this madness in six weeks once the child had a heartbeat.

Either way, she needed to find somebody who would protect Misa from L Lawliet. Rem looked at her own Death Note. Was it worth it to risk her existence by giving this notebook to a human in exchange for them protecting Misa? Or could she bring Misa to somebody and let that person borrow the Death Note as long as Misa was with them.

Was there a way for Misa to get in touch with Light Yagami without breaking this nonsense restraining order? Either way, the first priority was Misa's safety and then figuring out how to ensure Misa and Light Yagami were happy together.

But something had stuck with her from when she had first met Light Yagami when the young man had admitted to not being able to love Misa.

_"Nothing personal, you're just not my type. I'm sure there is somebody out there who would be able to appreciate you better than I would be able."_

He hadn't used her, and he had mentioned there were other options for her. Light Yagami was a pure-hearted person, just like Misa. He intended to better the world with the Death Note, and Misa used it for love, both far nobler than other humans over the centuries.

L Lawliet also used it for love, but at the same time, his desire for revenge would taint his heart, and with the power he already held, Rem knew she needed to find someone to protect Misa, and she had to do it fast.


	13. Chapter 13

After delivering L's package to the lucky winner and granting some Shinigami eyes, Ryuk flew back to the hotel for the time being, knowing he would need to check in at some point or another. Just the thought was incredibly tiresome, having to manage four notebook owners. Sure, Taro was low maintenance, and he hadn't actually talked to the boy in months, but technically he still counted. Maybe he should now that L knew about his existence?

Still, this whole situation was incredibly interesting, and this was going to get him a ton of apples, so it seemed worth it. Though he did wonder how L was going to juggle his multiple identities, namely L and Azrael. Then again, Light did a good job keeping the different sides of himself separate.

When would the two learn who the other was? That was the thing Ryuk was the most excited for. Which one would reveal themself first? L already clearly suspected Light was Kira, but whether this situation had shaken that, Ryuk didn't know and was well aware he couldn't ask without endangering Light's identity, and that would be no fun.

He hadn't expected much from this flight, and running to Rem caught him very off guard, "Rem?" He laughed a bit at the Shinigami who was his older sister for all intents and purposes. It still shocked him to no end to see her down here. If it had been Gelus or Zellogi or Midora—hell, even Sidoh—he wouldn't have reacted at all, but Rem was known among them for having the most detachment to humans, seeming to not give a damn about them at all.

"Ryuk, what are you doing out here?" Rem asked, and Ryuk shrugged. As annoyed as he was with her for letting her bimbo spoil his fun, it was a simple question,

"Flying. I have multiple humans to keep track of, you know? And all of them are more entertaining than yours." He went to fly away, but he had to ask, "Seriously, Rem, what do you see in her?"

Rem huffed, "Maybe your first impression wasn't great, but she is a good person."

"You're right, my first impression wasn't great. But so far, every other impression doesn't do much to change that."

"I suppose you and I have a different taste in humans, then." Rem answered calmly, "You're here for amusement, and I'm here because Gelus died for Misa, and she is pure-hearted, so I don't want any harm to befall her."

Ryuk paused, unsure what made something come to mind, but now that he thought about it, it made too much sense. He laughed harder than he had in a long time, and he was sure he would have collapsed from hysteria if he required air like any human.

Rem narrowed her visible eye, "What's so funny?" 

"Don't tell me—" Ryuk tried to get himself together, but it was just too hilarious, "Did Gelus grant the magokoro on Misa?!" 

The magokoro, a pure, sincere heart that could only be granted by the Gods, and was also the goal of life for followers of the Shinto religion.

Rem nodded, "At least you understand that. But what is so funny about that fact?"

"Rem, do you seriously not know?" He managed to calm himself as he came to the realization he knew something she didn't, and he was more than ready to hold this over her for the rest of eternity. "Shinigami can't give the magokoro since the concept of pure hearts and loving living and nonliving entities kind of goes against everything we exist for. Or if we can, it's a warped version that corrupts a person—I don't know which."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"Rem, I have been collecting human trinkets and keeping them in my cave for centuries. I come down here often. This isn't even just me. The others have come down from time to time, too; multiple of us have tried it over the years out of curiosity. So far, every human it happens to ends up going on a murder spree—nothing like Light even before I had come in contact with him, but you know what I mean. I wouldn't exactly call that 'pure,' would you?"

Normally he wouldn't get involved with this battle between the humans and Rem, knowing this could change everything if this was her reasoning for sticking with Misa. However, he was genuinely dumbfounded at how it was possible she was a higher rank than him and at least three hundred years older, yet he knew something this important, and she didn't.

Rem was silent for a couple moments before her expression became borderline hostile, "And how do I know you're not lying or incorrect? You and everyone else acted out of curiosity, but Gelus did it from love. Surely that would make a difference, assuming you are even telling the truth about what you believe."

"Sure, sure," he gave a nonchalant hand gesture, "But I should head back and get some apples, and who knows what will happen if you leave Misa to her own devices for too long," he paused, "Wait, what are _you_ doing out here?"

"Making sure L Lawliet hasn't found Misa."

"Ah." He chuckled, "It's only a matter of time," he then paused, seeing Rem's expression, "Rem. Don't break the rules." With that, he left.

...

Rem watched Ryuk go, thinking about what he had told her and the implications of it.

Admittedly, she knew full well that Ryuk knew more about humans than her, and no matter what way she sliced it, she couldn't think of a good reason for him to lie. Ryuk was a lot of things, but he wasn't really a liar. The most he did was omit details as he felt like it. That could very well be what he was doing since some things he just might not know.

But he wasn't lying. Rem was sure she could ask any other Shinigami, and if they knew, they'd answer truthfully. She could get second opinions and disprove what Ryuk had said, and he knew this.

That meant there was a small chance that Misa wasn't gifted with a pure heart like Rem had been thinking for so long. That didn't change anything since she still cared deeply about Misa and wouldn't betray her, but with it brought the sinking realization that there may be some truth to L Lawliet's claims.

She thought back on that sweet girl she had been getting to know who just wanted to be by Kira's side and help him after avenging her parents' death. She couldn't place that woman with the monster L Lawliet claimed her to be. 

Maybe if she explained the magokoro to L Lawliet, he would understand? But if Ryuk said something on the matter now that he understood the situation—she did know Ryuk didn't reveal information without reason, so he would be telling soon if ever—then she wouldn't be believed.

Which brought her back to her earlier conclusion that she needed to find someone to take care of Misa, so with a sigh, she continued her search.

OoOoO

"Ryuzaki!" Matsuda ran in, "It's all over the news that Kira's kills spiked last night!" 

"Spiked?" Light asked from where he was staring at his leftovers he was being forced to eat as though they were the root of evil, "What do you mean?" He noticed Ryuzaki look up from where he was on the phone with someone, and he was clearly listening to Matsuda.

"You know how Kira's kills have been slowing lately?" Matsuda said, "Started about sixty murders daily, then since the Second Kira's appearance, it changed to somewhere between twenty and forty?"

"I'll call you back," Ryuzaki hung up, "I am well aware, so what was this spike? A couple dozen?"

"Almost five hundred!" 

Light could have sworn his heart stopped. Five hundred?! Was it Misa, or Azrael? He knew it wasn't himself because he had really been slipping on his kills lately. He already knew he needed to talk to Azrael about this. What was going on?

"The MO's different, too," Mogi elaborated. "Our previous theories state the serious criminals are being killed by the original Kira, and innocents or lesser criminals being killed by the Second Kira, but never anyone who's gotten past crime or criminals where there are reasons for their actions. Now it just seems to be anyone who's done anything, even jaywalking."

 _No, this can't be Azrael,_ Light realized. _It doesn't make any sense for someone who used to be against Kira to suddenly change their MO like this when it's normally unnervingly close to mine._

He looked to Ryuk, and an idea popped into his head. Could another Shinigami have dropped a notebook in the human world?! This was getting confusing. Couldn't he just go back to when he was the only one with a Death Note and was still a virgin?

He'd have to ask Ryuk if that was what happened or if he had yet another notebook he just so happened to give to someone. At the rate this was going, the world would have an apple shortage by the end of the year.

Light looked to Ryuzaki, whose expression was revealing both a lot and nothing at all. His poker face was phenomenal, or he just didn't give a damn.

But then he spoke, revealing more emotion than expected, "This is unforgivable."

Light turned and saw his father come in, "What's going on? I saw on the news that there was a spike in the killings last night. Is this Amane's doing?"

"I don't know." L replied, clenching his fist, "What I do know is that it's either that or the possibility of another Kira. This is getting out of hand."

L was thinking this could be another Kira too? That did add a bit more to the theory, but L also didn't know about Azrael.

He felt uneasy at the idea of L finding out about Azrael, someone who was starting to ease Light's worries about the message Kira is sending to the world. Light cringed as he realized he was almost more worried about L finding out about Azrael than Light himself.

But if there was someone besides Misa and Azrael and Light who had the Death Note and was killing people left and right, Light knew he had to do something, or the message of Kira would be tarnished even further.

"Ryuzaki," Light got up, putting the rest of his food away quickly, taking advantage of the situation to not eat his food, "I know you want to find Misa, but we have to deal with this if there is another Kira."

"Can we start making new names for all the people with the 'Kira' power?" Matsuda asked, "This is getting confusing."

"Agreed," L nodded, "We'll have to find new information, but I do think we should establish there is a difference between each person with this power." 

Light saw his Dad getting uncomfortable, "Dad? What is it?"

"If we establish to the public that there are different people with this power, doesn't that mean that support for Kira could grow, seeing he's much milder than Misa or this potential new Kira?"

"Perhaps," L mused, "But this may be a tactic to making it easier to expose Misa, and we could get supporters of the original Kira to help us. I came to capture Kira, but looking at the world now, there are worse people, so shouldn't that be my priority as an enforcer of justice?" He looked to Watari, "Watari, may you check on what I asked about?"

"Of course, Ryuzaki," Watari left, and L turned towards the window.

Light walked over, "Ryuzaki, you are going to need to go after Kira eventually. Wouldn't it be risky to exploit enraged Kira worshippers and then backstab them?"

L turned, his expression almost unnervingly apathetic, "Perhaps, but I'm not concerned yet. We'll see what happens with time."

"Ryuzaki," Light hesitated, before placing a hand on Ryuzaki's shoulder and nodding a bit to himself, "Thank you for helping me. But be careful—I don't want you to get hurt." And he found himself surprised that he actually meant it, even if he knew that Ryuzaki could very well be the death of him.

"Don't worry, Light-Kun," L softened a bit, "Do you think you're up for helping on the case?" Light nodded eagerly, and L gestured to his computer, "Can you do research on the victims last night to help sort which kills could be from each person with Kira's power? It's not much, but it will make it easier to sort."

Light sat down, "I can do that." It wasn't much, but it was a start, and he would much rather sort information to hide Azrael's existence than do nothing.

He did know he needed to write to Azrael so they could get on the same page about what was going on, and he had to do it fast.

...

As soon as he was alone, Watari slumped, having seen clearly what was happening.

Something had happened since Light was assaulted, and it was changing L quickly. Whatever was happening was getting worse, to the point that Watari knew L enough to know that while he was upset by the increase in kills, his passive expression had not been an attempt at a poker face. That had been real, how little he truly cared.

Normally that wouldn't bother Watari too much since L had always been distant, but something about this time left a sense of dread. Was L getting caught up in something dangerous? His sudden change to not going directly after the original Kira, which made sense to go after bigger evils first and wouldn't bother the task force, was unsettling.

He knew he had to be careful about how he went about this. Ten years ago, he wouldn't have as many qualms with dealing with the situation, no matter the consequences. But as time had gone on, he loved L like his own son instead of just a brilliant prodigy who was his ward. Now, no matter what L had or could have done, he wouldn't let L get hurt.

Of course, L could genuinely just be angry at Misa and ready to throw all the blame on her. That was probably a much more logical conclusion than whatever crazy theories he had been coming up with in secret. The last time L let himself get close to people, it had ended badly, so it was only natural L refused to let Light get hurt by Misa.

He thought about what L had asked him to do last night, to bring in Misa Amane's older sister, Sara, and use her as a hostage in an attempt to make Misa reveal herself, or at the very least get a feel for how deranged Misa was.

All he could do was hope this plan would work, and Misa would be captured. Once she was locked up, hopefully, L would go back to normal.

But what if L didn't? Or he got angrier and angrier until he became a different person entirely?

Watari sighed, unsure of what to do.


	14. Chapter 14

As Mikami once again read through the letter he had received with his notebook, he was torn between being thrilled and disgusted. He had been chosen by one of God's Angels to have this power, but it was because the Second Kira, Misa Amane, had harmed an innocent who couldn't be named.

As a prosecutor, Mikami knew full well why Amane could not be brought to justice, which he always had passionately disagreed with. Sinners needed to be deleted, no matter race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, whatever. If you committed a crime, you should be arrested and tried, no matter who you were. Why couldn't it be as simple as that? It brought him immense relief to learn that Azrael agreed with him and was planning to get these laws changed with God's blessing.

Still, that would take time, and Mikami knew he had to do his best to help God and Azrael, punishing evildoers and locating Misa Amane. It was surprising that God's Angel was willing to ally with L, the enemy, to get the job done, but it made sense if they had to take down a celebrity.

The Shinigami explained that he couldn't just kill Misa because she was pregnant, and while Mikami considered just having her die in childbirth, he hadn't been given such instructions from Azrael, who may have already done this.

He wanted to find this person who had been hurt by the imposter, perhaps protect him or assure him that Amane would pay for her sins. But the question was how he would do that.

Azrael said to only reply to the letter if he needed something that he couldn't figure out on his own. There was no need to disturb Azrael yet. For now, he was content to do what he had been asked to, writing down more names in the notebook he had been gifted.

_I won't fail you, Azrael. You were right to pick me for assisting God._

OoOoO

Light worked on sorting all the kills into three categories, merging Azrael's with the original Kira due to the fact the MO was so similar it would actually be suspicious if he had them labeled as two separate people. Only Kira and Azrael would know it was different.

L came over, "How is it coming along?"

"Pretty well. There are some criminals I'm unsure of since this new Kira kills just any criminal, but the original only kills serious ones right now."

"I would put that under both, in that case." He sat down with Light, seeing Microsoft Excel open,

"Are we going to use a DVD to give this message instead of a tape? That would make things easier to add these charts."

"Yes, and it will make an even clearer distinction between our Kira and Misa, who may try to make a tape to salvage things. If the original Kira makes a tape, either way, we will have access to it long in advance."

"Yeah," Light nodded to himself, still tense and knowing he needed to talk to Azrael about this. While going through the reports, Light was sure that this was someone new. But what could he say on the matter without making it seem like he was investigating, and wouldn't reveal his status as the original Kira?

What would Azrael do if he learned the truth about who Kira was? That the pathetic kid who was frozen in place and overpowered by Misa was the same person able to kill with the flick of a pen. The same one who called himself a God.

No... He wasn't a God if he had been overcome like that, be it by a drug, Misa herself, or basic human survival instinct. He was a human using the Death Note for other humans—but he wasn't even that, now was he? Hiding with Ryuzaki and letting Azrael do all the work. Maybe he should try and live away from here with Sayu to make the world better and not stay hidden like a coward.

He snapped out of it when he heard L's words of, "Light-Kun, are you okay?" He turned to the detective in question, and he blinked,

"Sorry. I spaced out. What were you saying?"

"I was telling you about the new headquarters that's almost done. I paid the workers to be a little faster. It should be done by the end of the week, and I've talked to Yagami-San about moving yourself and Sayu-Chan there instead of an apartment downtown, so you can feel safer."

Oh. Well then, that was a twist. "You don't have to do that."

"You're right, but the building is quite large," he pulled up a tab on his own computer, and Light was wide-eyed at the massive skyscraper and rushed to the window, seeing it from this distance. "Twenty-three floors, passages, anything you could want, really. I am sure I could give your family an entire floor, and it would be larger than your current house."

Light wanted to be grateful. He really did with all of his heart, but he thought about Misa, who would no doubt use her status to buy him whatever he wanted to be with her. Wasn't that how abusers lured in their victims?

L seemed to pick up on the sudden discomfort, "What's wrong, Light-Kun?"

"Why are you doing this?" Light asked sheepishly, hugging himself, "Barely a month ago, you made it clear you believed I was Kira, and now you're opening your arms to my family and prioritizing... her... over all else." He looked up with a little more fire in his eyes, "Why, Ryuzaki?"

Ryuzaki paused for a moment, as though he was genuinely unsure of how to respond, and Light instantly felt bad for thinking there were strings to a kind offer. L wasn't Misa. He wouldn't be doing this just to get in Light's pants.

...

How had he not seen this coming? L kicked himself for overstepping a boundary like that. He had honestly thought he was doing something nice, but now Light probably thought he was a damn creep.

Well... Naomi had made it plenty clear he was a creep. Repeatedly. But that was beside the point right now.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end when for a second he swore he could have heard Misa's giggling, having listened to her voice from one of her movies, and now he could hear it ringing in his head, taunting him and reminding him of his failure to capture her. But soon she would pay... he had Mikami on the job now to find her while he was unable.

L noticed Light looking apologetic, and he held a hand up to show he meant no harm, "Don't feel bad for jumping to a conclusion. It is common practice to cause financial dependency when trying to gain trust from a future victim."

"But I shouldn't have thought that about you..."

Cautiously, he took a step towards Light, hovering his hand just over his shoulder until he got the nod that it was okay to touch there, "I didn't mean to upset you. If you're not comfortable with it, I'll stay out of your family matters."

"But why do you care so much? Watari mentioned you're never like this with other cases."

Now, what could he say here that wouldn't be taken the wrong way? "You're my friend, Light-Kun, and I..." he trailed off, "I don't know what I can say that won't be taken the wrong way, but please know that my desire to help you is not from seeing you some kind of prize. Nobody deserves to experience what you went through."

...

Those words were genuine. Light could tell, but that wasn't the thing to capture his attention at all as he thought to the letter from Azrael, hidden in his bag.

_Please don't thank me, Light, because it's only what anyone with enough decency and self-respect would do. I know decency is not something you came across much lately, but know that my helping you is not special treatment or seeing you some kind of prize. Sure, I'm grateful that you feel happy and safe, but that should be the standard for you. Nobody deserves to experience what you went through._

_"Not from seeing you some kind of prize." "Nobody deserves to experience what you went through."_ The phrasing... it was very similar, if not identical. Light's eyes widened a bit as he met L's eyes again, looking for any sign that had been intentional.

No... it couldn't be, right? There was no way that L, the greatest detective on Earth who vowed to sentence Kira to death, would be _Azrael,_ right?! Light shook his head a bit, hopefully unnoticed. No, that wasn't possible. This was all just a coincidence, or he was looking for something that wasn't there.

L wasn't Azrael. He was just overthinking things for a moment. Besides, Ryuk would be laughing, right? But right now, he was silent, watching the interaction between the two of them with great interest.

There was nothing to this. L was just being a good friend and offering to let his family stay during this crisis. That didn't mean he had a double life as L and as Azrael.

"Thank you, Ryuzaki," he whispered, looking towards the window and pushing away intrusive thoughts, or the fact he didn't mind having L's hand on his shoulder... it was almost nice.

_Light, I would rather hear your story than attend your funeral. Talk to me._

He didn't realize he was starting to cry a bit at the memory of those kind words in a note he had yet to talk to L about, until L's soft voice cut through the memories, and of Misa telling him that she was pregnant, and the implications of it all.

"Do you need a minute alone? What do you want, Light?"

Light took a couple deep breaths, "I'll be okay, Ryuzaki. Thank you for the offer. I'll talk to Dad about it. Can I just have a little time to myself while I finish working on this?"

"Of course, Light-Kun." L hurried out, and Light moved over to his bag, rereading the letter he had gotten from Azrael, and the note from L, subconsciously comparing the handwriting and noticing only the most minor of similarities.

Ryuk leaned over him, "Something bothering you?"

Light chuckled a bit, "For a second there, I thought L might be Azrael. But that's nonsense. Why would you give the notebook to someone who wants to have Kira hanged?"

Ryuk laughed hysterically, "So are you gonna write to Azrael?"

"Yeah." He grabbed a piece of paper and began writing, "I need to find out what's going on with the new kills, hopefully before I finish this report." He ran a hand through his messy hair, "But I don't want to come off as Kira, or as an investigator. How do I word this? Do I try to make it casual?"

"I'm pretty sure Azrael's expecting a letter at this point," Ryuk replied, "Just be yourself."

"But that might give me away."

"And what's the worst thing that could happen if you do?" He grabbed an apple from the bowl, "I remember a human once said a while back that when you give a human a mask, they are their true self. Why not let that apply here?"

Light looked up with a slight surprise, "That's actually really good advice, Ryuk. I didn't peg you as the type."

"I have many talents, Light-o," Ryuk replied, "I just don't show them to you."

Shrugging, Light decided to follow Ryuk's advice. What was the worst that could happen?

OoOoO

"So I can borrow this notebook and use it however I want," Higuchi asked, holding the Death Note in hand, "As long as I protect Misa Amane and her unborn child from the police?"

Rem reluctantly nodded. This was the most disgusting human she had ever encountered, but only some sleazy creature would protect Misa and disregard L Lawliet's demands if it meant power. Misa was still the Death Note owner, but Higuchi could borrow it whenever need be in exchange for keeping Misa safe. "That is correct."

"Well then, Rem, you have yourself a deal."


	15. Chapter 15

The same night they moved into the new task force headquarters, L got the inevitable letter from Light asking for answers.

In the end, Light had decided he wanted to stay in headquarters with L, claiming it was to protect Sayu and his Dad, who, as of now, were staying in the apartment downtown. Still, Sayu could come and go as she pleased from anywhere in headquarters except the floor the task force was working on for the investigation. The offer still stood for them to stay indefinitely, but Soichiro said he wanted to be able to get on his feet without being dependent on L, but he was grateful nonetheless.

Knowing there were no cameras in his bedroom, and there were passages in this building that Ryuk could take to deliver letters, L didn't bother to do anything more than a passing glance as he read through the letter. Nothing much, just asking what was going on. That was expected, and he had already written the reply and waited for Ryuk to deliver it.

However, he hadn't expected the sudden firmness in Light's tone, as though he was demanding to know what was going on. It was subtle, but it made L wonder. Sure, Light from what he gathered was just like that, always wanting to be in control, which was whole Misa situation was so hard on him. But something about demanding answers from someone with the power to kill with a thought struck L as odd. He had shaken off the idea of Light being the original Kira but decided that he would just consider the possibility for the time being.

But the idea of Light being the original Kira made him concerned for a different reason now. A month ago, it had been because while he wanted to win more than anything, it would be a shame to lose his friend and equal. However, now those desires he had made clear were coming to bite him in the ass because Light would be terrified and wouldn't trust he had made an ally. Should he reveal himself sooner or later?

He cringed as he heard Misa's giggling in his head again, and he tried to drown it out.

Ryuk came back after a few minutes, and L handed him the letter to give to Light, and the Shinigami looked down at him, "Whatcha doing?"

"Trying to drown out the sounds of Misa laughing," L replied, and Ryuk looked around with curiosity, examining the room, even looking out the window,

"There's nobody here, especially not her."

L didn't respond, wondering if it was his lack of sleep even more extreme than usual, determined to ensure everything was going according to plan. Besides finding Misa, the main project was figuring out what to do with the task force that he knew would stand in his way.

Aizawa had been easy enough the moment L found something to exploit. Technically, Aizawa was back—Ide, a former member of the task force, agreed to watch the children. But he was still bitter about the whole situation, especially L busying him with therapy. It was the right thing to do, but doing something out of the goodness of his heart wasn't his typical motivation.

So with Aizawa out of the way, Soichiro had been the next easiest, knowing that with his family situation and the potential arrival of a grandchild shortly, he wasn't exactly focusing on the original Kira, and Light's reports didn't show any trace of "Azrael."

That left Matsuda and Mogi. Of the two, he wasn't actually sure which one would be the most troublesome to get rid of. But he supposed he didn't have to worry too much because Matsuda was an idiot and Mogi was very quiet. That didn't mean that he should underestimate them by any means, but it did mean the chances of them being a threat right away was minimal.

The laughter rang in his head again. He took the pillow off his face, getting up and hoping to find where this was coming from, or maybe ask Watari for some sleeping pills.

He walked into the bathroom, noticing Ryuk wasn't leaving to deliver the letter. He was watching L intently as though waiting for something.

L looked at himself in the mirror, seeing very clearly what this case was doing to him, observing a different air to him, and his hair had lost any semblance of being cared for and was even slightly wavy after messing with it so much lately. It was beyond infuriating how corrupt the world was that this case couldn't be easy—the game was only fun in figuring out the culprit, but the fact he couldn't arrest a criminal due to moronic laws and bias parties was driving him up the wall.

"You'll never catch me," he looked up and saw Misa standing behind him in the mirror. He considered turning around, but he didn't particularly want to look her in the eye. "You may be a great detective, but I have the public on my side."

Growling, L turned away, gripping onto the nearby table, which held some various bathroom clutter he had yet to move to the counter, not noticing the lack of her in the physical room. "All I have to do is find you, and I'll think of something. Rem is merely an annoyance. I can still destroy you. Then Light will be safe."

"Do you really think that?" she asked mockingly, "You know that as the mother of his child, he will marry me whether he wants to or not. With my baby, I win, and you lose."

L felt himself shaking with sheer fury, reaching for the first thing he could get a firm grip on, which happened to be a hairbrush he'd never use, and spun around throwing the brush with all his might towards Misa's stomach. All he managed was to crack the mirror.

Practically feral, he punched the cracked mirror, causing his knuckles to split open, and blood flowed down his hand. 

He absently watched the blood, a chuckle forming from the back of his throat, "I will kill you, Misa," he whispered as the giggling increased, imagining the blood on his hand to be that of his enemy. He didn't even notice Ryuk watching with a mix of amusement and concern.

What he did notice, however, was the sound of someone in the main bedroom. L walked out to confront whoever had entered his room, only to find nothing at all except for his ringing phone. He picked it up, relaxing as he figured he had only heard the phone's vibration before it actually started ringing, but it did not escape his notice that the door was not fully shut like it had been before, "Yes?"

 _"Ryuzaki,"_ Watari said, _"I did what you asked."_

"Thank you, Watari. I'll be there in a moment." He rinsed his hand quickly and made a note to get the mirror replaced at some point or perhaps get a cleaner in there. It wasn't like there was anything to hide as long as he made sure to ask Ryuk to not deliver any letters around the time a housekeeper would show up.

Ryuk held the letter for Light, "I'll leave this in Light's room." L nodded to him and headed downstairs where Light seemed shocked,

"L, what's going on?" He gestured to where Sara Amane, Misa's older sister, was locked up and visible through the screens due to a camera in her cell.

"I'm testing Misa," L replied casually, "A notice will be sent to her apartment of her sister being captured. If there is no response, we can raise the stakes as needed to determine if she is unaware or intentionally not responding. Perhaps we could use one of the other Kiras for a broadcast saying we have abducted her. However, it would be preferred if we could avoid that because the bargaining chip is Sara for Misa's power to kill."

"But would Amane surrender and leave herself vulnerable?" Soichiro asked, and L shook his head.

"I highly doubt she will. Actually, there is an over 70% chance she will kill her sister. With that, we gain both a feel for Amane's location and the ability to capture her, as well as undeniable evidence she is the selfish mass killer going by the second Kira. I will be able to arrest her without anyone knowing about Light-Kun's assault."

"But—" Light protested, "Sara is innocent! We can't bring innocent people into this, Ryuzaki!" 

"But can't we?" L replied, turning, "My job is to capture Misa, and to do that, I need evidence. She is not _required_ to kill Sara—I just know she will because she cares for nothing but her own self-interest. After all, she could do nothing, but what if I raise the stakes? Her sister, her own flesh and blood, or forcing a man into marriage. Which would she pick, I wonder."

Light sighed, "I know that, and I'm grateful you're thinking of ways around my situation, but dragging Misa's only remaining family into this?"

"Light has a point, L," Matsuda replied sheepishly, and L glared at him, sighing,

"If any of you have any better ideas on how to collect evidence, some horny judges can't pass off as circumstantial and will actually acknowledge without ruining Light's life, then, by all means, go ahead."

Actually... besides Light, did he need any of them? He could easily throw them all to the curb since he no longer needed any assistance. It wasn't like he could ask them to research Shinigami to theorize ways to kill them. That was Mikami's job.

He decided not to say anything on the matter, for now, hearing that everyone had fallen silent, unable to develop any ideas. But he could tell Soichiro and Matsuda were thinking hard about this. Light, however, just seemed dumbfounded.

Watari came over, "What happened to your hand, Ryuzaki?" L looked down,

"Nothing." 

"Let me take a look at that," Watari ordered in a tone that brooked no argument, and L reluctantly followed his guardian to the medical room, holding out his hand for Watari to examine, "Did you punch something?"

"Just the mirror."

"Why?"

L was quiet, not wanting to admit it was to get that incessant nagging in his head to shut up. He just watched Watari wrap his hand, "Take a break, L. Remember what you said about maybe taking Light out for a new form of therapy?"

"I need to work more on the case," L replied, and Watari looked up,

"There is nothing that can be done for now. I'll purchase more cake for you to clear your head. And maybe next time," he forced a chuckle, "Wait a couple days for the punching bag to arrive."

OoOoO

Light had no idea what to feel as he walked through the city with Ryuzaki, Ryuk flying above. He was shocked at L's plan and that he would go so far, but then again, this was the same man who would use Death Row inmates as resources shamelessly. How had he not seen this coming?

It made him feel awful, the fact that his protests hadn't been as genuine as he wanted them to be. Maybe it was because he would be getting back at Misa, but it just... he didn't know anymore.

"Where are we going?" Light asked, looking around and wincing when he saw a promotional poster for Misa. L looked to him,

"I thought we could try a new form of therapy for you."

"Hm?"

"Animal therapy," L replied, "I read that having a pet can help sexual assault victims."

Light thought about it. He had always wanted a pet, but Mother didn't want to clean up after it. "That sounds interesting. I'd actually like that."

L smiled pleasantly, completely different than the downright frightening expression on his face before. "I'm glad." He opened the door to an adoption center, "After you." Light went in, and immediately as he saw the rows of caged animals, he felt a sense of complete wrong.

"What—" he had a hand over his mouth, seeing the horror before him as he walked down the aisle and examined the poor animals, feeling rage for the mistreatment he was seeing before him. The very present ominous door at the end of the hallway, causing his fight or flight to kick in a bit.

L was clearly not pleased either, talking to the owner, "Excuse me, what's in that back room?"

"That's the gassing chamber," the man replied, and Light spun around, 

"The _what?!"_ He looked around again with horror, realizing that these poor animals were basically on Death Row... he had believed the world was rotten before, but this was something else entirely.

L's face was blank for a moment before he pulled out a checkbook, "Take the money. I own the place now."

There was no resistance whatsoever, much to Light's disgust, that someone would just take the money and leave. He looked to L, "Why did you do that?"

"I'm not putting up with that," L replied, "I will find a better owner for this place, and I know plenty of children who would love to give good homes to those in need. And..." he bit his lip, "I had to do something. This is just cruel. Pick a pet, and I will make sure everything is in order here."

"You just bought an adoption center. How much did you even give him?"

"About five million yen. But don't worry," he looked back towards the door, leaving Light unable to see his face, "I'll get my money back soon." He pulled out his phone, "Give me a minute to make a call to someone who owes me a favor, so they can run the place for a bit."

Light walked down the aisle, trying to not look at the gassing chamber, which would take innocents to an execution.

The idea of a rope around his neck because of L appeared in his mind, making him feel physically ill.

He wandered down the hall until he came upon a cage with only one cat inside. A small black one with heterochromatic eyes looked up at him with wide eyes before hesitantly walking up to the cage's bars.

Light opened it and let the cat wander free, seeing the cat rub up against him a purr. It only took a moment to realize this was a boy. He checked the name on the cage: Archimedes.

"Hello, Archimedes." He held his hand out gently to show he meant no harm, and Archimedes examined him for a moment before pressing his head to Light's hand. 

L came over, "I've got someone coming over in a couple minutes to take care of the other animals." He saw Archimedes, "Is this the one?"

Light nodded, "Yeah. I want to take him home," he held out his arms, and Archimedes jumped into them. "I don't exactly know how to take care of pets, though." He looked around, "I can't believe someone would gas them."

"It's moments like this that I think Kira is right."

Those words from L made Light's eyes widen like dinner plates, "What did you just say?"

L shrugged, "I've been thinking lately, and especially after what happened to you, what if Kira isn't as wrong as we thought? Misa is insane, but Kira?"

Wait... L was becoming a Kira supporter? Light thought back to that broadcast months ago. It could be a lie, but looking at L's body language, he had to be a better liar than Light had thought. It seemed perfectly genuine.

His mind wandered to Azrael, who had also been formerly against Kira. It couldn't be possible, right?

"What would you do if you captured Kira?" Light asked, "Would you still send him to his death?"

"I don't believe so." L replied, "Not of the original Kira. These imposters, yes."

At this point, the suspicion was too much. Was it possible? Could it be? If L was telling him this, would it mean that he was ready to reveal himself? Had he just somehow seen the letters and was trying to make Light admit it?

Maybe... He had to test this. What if he admitted to Azrael about being the original Kira. If L was Azrael, that should prompt him into confessing in person, right? But what if he thought that was an investigating trick?

Should he just ask if L recognized the name? Was he going insane and just trying to convince himself that he and Ryuzaki really were friends?

After L's favor came by, the two of them left, taking Archimedes in a pet crate, and Ryuk was flying just behind them, laughing and just making Light's suspicions even stronger.

If L was Azrael, that changed everything and meant they were allies. Misa apparently had been good for something and managed to turn the great L to Kira's side. It meant the new world was so much closer than Light could have hoped to dream.

Something occurred to him. Did he _want_ L to be Azrael?

He looked over to the detective, who had been so kind to him through all of this, even throwing the case to the side to arrest Misa. He had offered Light's family a place to go when everything had fallen apart. So did he want L to be Azrael, to have the two people who had helped pull him back to himself be one and the same?

He knew the answer, but decided not to get his hopes up until after this test.


	16. Chapter 16

After killing that pet shop owner with spontaneous combustion—agonizing and efficient, his new favorite way to kill those who had personally pissed him off—L received his first weekly report from Mikami.

"Special delivery," Ryuk dropped the letter on L's desk, taking the apple that L tossed to him as he opened the envelope,

"How is Light-Kun doing?"

"He's doing fine," Ryuk shrugged, "He said he's got something to tell you in the next letter. I think he suspects you."

"I haven't particularly been hiding it lately," L pointed out, "It would be interesting to see how he reacts to it. Light-Kun supports Kira, and I am curious to see his reaction to figuring out the truth."

"And what if he doesn't take it well?"

L had thought of that, but not for very long. Admitting the truth to Light may be very dangerous. However, it was too late to change the past. He shrugged, having faith that the task force's concerns on the matter had been decently shot down as it was. He would at least know to keep quiet, but L wasn't particularly worried about that as he opened the letter from Mikami.

_Azrael,_

_I have done what you asked and researched into Shinigami and the Imposter's whereabouts. I hope I haven't merely given you the information you already know._

_As stated in the notebook's rules, it is mentioned Shinigami have been known to possess people. However, what I found was not for purposes involving their powers. One story states Shinigami are somewhat like a possession that would cause people to want to commit suicide through hanging._

_Another story states, "upon possession by a shinigami, it becomes difficult to speak, or easier to tell lies." The tale involved a prostitute possessed by a Shinigami inviting a man to commit double suicide. Many legends say Shinigami enter people's thoughts, making them think about bad things they have done and want to die. Some debate whether Shinigami are Gods at all, or more akin to the Grim Reaper, or even evil spirits._

_There was nothing in my research about how to kill a Shinigami. Still, I would assume, given the limited information I have, seeing as Shinigami are Gods of Death, they are forbidden from saving human lives._

_As for Misa's location, I discovered her new apartment, but upon further investigation, I learned she hasn't been there for over a week. But I will do everything in my power to find her._

_\- Your obedient servant._

L grinned as he read the letter, knowing he had been correct to choose Mikami. Perhaps the prosecutor would be of greater use to him than just as a scapegoat, especially if L was right and Mikami had gotten the Shinigami eyes.

The public's thoughts on the different Kiras were that the Second Kira was a psychopath, and L was absolutely right to take her out. That was the best damn news he had heard in a long time, and he knew he would sleep well tonight, knowing that he could execute Misa without horny politicians getting overwhelmed by angry masses.

They would still be a nuisance, but seeing as support for the original Kira had skyrocketed, he could use his status as Azrael to make them cooperate.

Of course, he still needed evidence. He technically had plenty, but none without implicating Light. And he would need a lot more to convince Interpol to let him kill her.

He grinned as he absently researched some cases and killed the criminals he saw were guilty. He would have to be patient. Otherwise, Misa may be able to flee in the chaos, but now he could capture her the moment she was found. 

_She must be taking refuge with someone. Anyone would harbor Misa Amane, but someone with knowledge of her crimes and still letting her stay must be a cold and corrupt person who is doing this because she is beautiful._

He already had a basic idea of where to look. Now he just had to narrow down his searches.

He looked up to Ryuk because what he had learned from Mikami about Shinigami was extremely interesting, "Ryuk, what do you make of what the letter says?"

Ryuk read it over and laughed, "I'll admit, I don't know much about my own kind, so this is all fascinating to hear."

"You don't?"

"I'm the youngest Shinigami left," Ryuk explained, "My elders either don't care and tell me to run off when I ask, or the ones with answers are dead since they didn't write any names."

"You could have told me that not writing names is how to kill a Shinigami."

"Yeah, but I would figure that Rem's got a good chunk of lifespan, so is that really relevant to you?"

"Good point," L read it over, knowing that the idea of Shinigami dying to save humans was worth testing, but it wasn't like Ryuk would know the answer to that, "From what you know, is anything about the tie to suicide true?"

Ryuk shrugged, "I guess. The default for suicides in the Death Note is hanging, and it's pretty common for someone owning the notebook to share this fate. But those who use the Death Note are often vulnerable when they're offered it, so whether the tendency to lose their minds has anything to do with it, I can only guess."

"Was Kira vulnerable?"

"I have no idea," was the nonchalant answer, "I dropped the notebook, and it took five days to actually meet him, and by then, he clearly had a taste for it."

L paused as he thought about it. Could he goad Ryuk into admitting if it was true? Ryuk was by no means a fool, but surely he could be manipulated into at least implying it.

"You know," he looked at the charts again, sitting down and running his finger down the parchment holding the potential ability to eliminate Rem, "Kira's rate of killing has changed a lot. He doesn't kill nearly as many criminals, and there are breaks for days on end. You wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"

Ryuk laughed, "I know what you're doing, Lawliet. You can't fool me."

"So you do not deny it," L put his thumb to his lips, "Interesting."

At that moment, Ryuk realized he had been pulled into the trap long before L had even made the dare to be direct. In mentioning Kira, L figured it out.

But nothing was said between them on the matter, about what L was sure he had realized. Every piece was clicking into place and painting a clear picture of what had really happened with Misa. The real reason Ryuk gave L a Death Note.

He had been there when Light was assaulted.

Misa was trying to seduce Light after saying she wanted to meet Kira.

Light was the one demanding answers about the changes in killings.

 _Light, Light, Light,_ everywhere, in this case, that name popped up.

L chuckled a bit as he thought back to months ago. _I was right all along._

"See, Ryuk, you know as well as I do that Light will not take the news of my joining him negatively." He looked up, "Go check on him. By now, he should have read my letter. I'm curious about how he responds."

Ryuk was clearly stunned, but then he laughed and took an apple, "I was wondering how long until you two realized," he left, and L got up to talk to Watari,

"Watari," Watari turned, and L smiled genuinely, feeling so many burdens off his shoulder. His guardian relaxed,

"You look like you're feeling better."

"I am," and he meant it, "Going on a walk with Light-Kun and coming back to good news cleared my head." Watari placed his hands on L's shoulders,

"I'm glad. What do you need?"

"I wanted to see if Light-Kun would be interested in having dinner with me tonight, as friends. Do you think you could make something he would like?"

"Of course. I'm proud of you for taking a break, L. It will help you." L nodded, knowing that what he planned to discuss with Light was not exactly a break. He knew Light would want to talk too, once he read the letter earlier, so he would accept this invitation.

"I know it will. Do you mind letting Light-Kun know about dinner? I'm going to shower and finish up some research I'm doing."

Watari nodded, and as L headed back to leave, he was suddenly pulled into a hug, "I'm glad you're feeling better. I was worried we were losing you."

L melted into the embrace, just like he had as a young child, "Don't worry, Watari. I'm not going anywhere."

...

Light read the letter from Azrael, Archimedes purring in his lap as his brain tried to process what he was reading. He had been planning to reply to this with a confession about being the original, to see if this was really Ryuzaki, but... it seemed he didn't have to.

_Light,_

_I am responsible for the new killings. However, that does not mean I have committed them. I created a new Death Note and gave it to someone who will distract the investigation team and gather information about killing Misa's Shinigami. After that, I will likely dispose of him. I will keep you updating with any new information as it comes._

_I noticed something was different when I last spoke to you, as though something had changed. By the time I am writing this letter, it is probably a day before you sent me the letter asking for answers._

_Have you figured out who I am?_

There was no signature, but Light realized there had been one.

The handwriting on the last line was different from Azrael's handwriting... it... it was... _no, no, this can't be..._

It was L's handwriting. 

Just to be sure, he compared it to the one he had found in the pill bottle, but it was completely identical.

Ryuk came in, "Are you reading the letter?" 

Light couldn't get up because he had a cat on him, but he found he wouldn't be able to even if he didn't have Archimedes on him. He was completely frozen as he realized the moment Azrael... L... was referring to, was when he had offered for Light to stay with him.

The first time Light had begun to wonder.

But—But this didn't make sense. L had vowed to have Kira executed! Had he really not only changed his mind and become a supporter but also taken the initiative to become Azrael and plan ahead?

He had already decided he had wanted this to be the case, and while his mind was racing with 'what if' questions, he found he could barely move.

He was snapped out of it when he heard a knock at the door, and he quickly shoved the note into the desk drawer, and Archimedes got up to watch the door cautiously, staying by Light's feet as he got up, seeing Watari there,

"Good evening, Watari," he softened now that he knew he was safe, "What is it?"

"Ryuzaki was wondering if you wanted to join him for dinner tonight."

"What time?" Light found himself asking without even thinking, and Watari had an amused smile before he answered,

"I'll be finished cooking in about an hour."

Light hesitated but then relaxed, feeling like he might be able to stomach eating tonight, "That will give me time to freshen up. Thank you, Watari." He shut the door and turned to Ryuk, tearing at his hair, sinking into an utter panic, "L is really Azrael. And he wants to have dinner with me."

Ryuk laughed, "Of all the reactions, I was expecting something along the lines of—"

"What if he knows who I am?" Light began pacing, "If he knows, he's going to think I'm pathetic for not making my killings as often and leaving him to do all the work when he's already doing so much. And what if he doesn't know and tries to recruit me, but I'm already Kira, so I have to be two Kiras at once and—"

"Okay, monologuing is what I expected," Ryuk muttered, walking over, "Even if he doesn't know, he knows what you've gone through, so how bad can it be that he knows?"

"And what if this is all some trick to make me confess so he can have me arrested?!" He had a hand subconsciously around his neck as he felt the noose tightening. It was getting hot in here all of a sudden.

Ryuk was full-blown cackling, "I promise you it's not that. I'd leave you to panic and be an observer, but you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this, and you panicking over nothing is not as interesting as where this conversation will go if I clear that up."

Light relaxed and forced himself to calm his breathing, turning to Archimedes, who was watching him curiously, cocking his head somewhat.

"He genuinely..." Light beamed, "Ryuk, you know what this means, right?!"

"I get more apples?"

"Yes, but it also means that Kira is one step closer to being the God of this world. With L by my side, nobody is standing in my way." He pulled out the letters from Azrael, searching and scanning for hints of L being Azrael in every line, "It's him." He couldn't stop smiling, knowing that while there were still nerves, this meant amazing things for his plans, "It's really him."

...

Something was going on with L.

Matsuda was more observant than people gave him credit for. While everyone had seen L was becoming increasingly angry, the longer it took to capture Misa, Matsuda seemed to be the only one to see those moments L would show himself for the unstable individual he was becoming.

It had started small, with him talking to himself. Matsuda could never hear what he was saying, but he was undeniably talking to someone, even though nobody else was in the room. Or he would start giggling at random moments, but not from something that was considered funny like a joke.

Nobody else noticed it, so Matsuda just chalked it up to L being frustrated or maybe thinking of this as a game. Perhaps this wasn't a change in L, but rather only a different side of him. 

But then came the complete disregard for the case they were on. It was all about Misa now, whether or not L said otherwise. He had supposed that made sense but added onto the other strange behaviors that were not normal given Watari's worried looks, Matsuda just felt disturbed.

By the time he had decided to try asking if L was okay, he walked in on L screaming and breaking his mirror, a crazed look in his eyes as he vowed to not just arrest, but to _kill_ Misa.

For the first time in this case, Matsuda had been genuinely afraid for his life as he prayed to any god to save him as L seemed to realize someone was in the room. He could only be thankful for Watari's call allowing him to slip away, or he wasn't sure what would have happened.

"Ryuzaki?" He called into the detective's bedroom, knowing that what he was doing was the right thing to do, even if he found himself more afraid of L than he had been on any other case he worked before this—which, admittedly, was only a handful.

Silence from the room and Matsuda checked the bathroom, seeing that the shards of the broken mirror had been cleaned up, and there was a sheet over the mirror, as though L didn't want anyone to see it. 

...or maybe _someone._

"Ryuzaki?" He called again, just to be sure there was nobody in here, and when he was sure, he moved over to the desk, which would be a good place to start because going through L's suitcase felt like an even bigger invasion of privacy.

But who was he kidding?! He was in here because... why was he here, exactly? Was he trying to find out what was driving L insane? What was he expecting to find by doing this? Pills?

Well... he didn't find pills, but as he read the letter from "your obedient servant" directed to someone called Azrael, Matsuda wasn't sure what was worse.

The letter had been hidden under some books in the desk drawer, and Matsuda read it over a few times, realizing quickly that L was without a doubt Azrael. Was Azrael his real name?

Notebooks? Shinigami? What did all of it mean?

A thought crossed his mind, and he felt a shiver go up his spine as he realized that... what if the task force had been right months ago when they were wondering if L was...

_"It's true that a number of criminal psychologists have suggested that L is Kira. In other words, they're saying that L has a split personality..."_

He remembered what the Chief had said all those months ago when everyone was concerned about meeting L in person and contemplating if they could trust him. Even then, Matsuda had seen the idea as completely ludicrous.

But looking at this letter, L's behavior changes, he couldn't help but wonder if it was true, and they had been working alongside Kira from the beginning.

 _I have to tell everyone!_ He went to run but was stopped when he saw L standing directly behind him, no longer hunched, and taking full advantage of their slight height difference.

He didn't look any different from the man they had met months ago, but something about him was just... it was so much like L, but it was just... _off._ This was L, but it wasn't L.

"Hello, Matsuda," L said with false innocence, but then his blank expression became dark with a serpentine smirk warping his features, "I think it's time you and I have a talk."


	17. Chapter 17

He had been told he may die if he remained part of this case. Some small morbid part of him had wanted to die, making it all the easier to do what was right.

But not like this. _Never_ like this.

Not at the hand of the man before him.

L stared at him, but this wasn't the L he knew. This wasn't the man whose eyes lit up when Matsuda brought in homemade cookies on Wednesdays or who would smile at his dumb jokes when he thought nobody was looking. This wasn't the L who worked hard to solve this case and had managed to come up with a plan in mere moments to save as many people as possible during Misa's first attack.

_"I will win in the end. This is the first time I've risked my life to catch a criminal. I want everyone here, who is also risking his life, to know justice will prevail."_

This man, this dangerous man... this wasn't L.

"Ryuzaki—I..." he forced a relaxed smile, "I was just looking for you!"

_What was I thinking?! There's no way I can win against L! Even if I get lucky and can run, can I even make it to the Chief or Aizawa or Mogi in time? But if Ryuzaki is really Kira, then he must be keeping us around because he thinks he can control us._

L's menacing smile softened into something innocent, "I'm not surprised you're here, Matsuda. I suspected you were the one who came into my room earlier today."

He tensed, "Hm?"

L gave a small chuckle, which may have brought comfort to some, but for Matsuda, it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, and his eyes widen with fright even more than they already had. "Come on, please be at ease. Don't worry. It's just us." He gestured around the room, and only now did Matsuda realized that L had shut and locked the door in complete silence, "No one else is here. You don't have to pretend to be a fool who doesn't know anything."

"Are you going to kill me?" Was the first thing from Matsuda's mouth as he looked down at the letter in his hand, "Are you... Are you Kira?"

"I am not Kira," L replied simply, turning his body towards the massive window, "And as for killing you..." he put his thumb to his lips, "I sincerely hope not. Please don't misunderstand," he turned back to Matsuda, "I am fond of you, Matsuda-Kun. You're probably my favorite person on this task force besides Light-Kun. And that's why I'm here. I want you to give up."

L had just changed the honorific... it had always been "san" before this, so what had changed? Part of him wondered if this was manipulation, but the emotion-driven part of his mind felt a fluttering in his chest at being closer to L before processing what had been said, "Give up?" _Give up what? My freedom? My life? No, he said he wasn't going to kill me, so—_

"Give up resisting," L explained, "I don't want you to suffer—I don't want to have to make you suffer. But don't think that me being fond of you means I will hesitate to destroy you."

"I'm not afraid to die," Matsuda gritted his teeth, his words sounding weak even to his own ears. L didn't seem intimidated or even surprised by these words, merely smiling,

"I know, but there are so many worse things than death." He gestured to the letter and then revealed decorative blue gloves in his pocket, "I wear these whenever I handle my letters," he put them on, probably to make a point, "To make sure my fingerprints aren't on them."

Matsuda looked down at his bare hands, and his fingertips touching the paper. He instantly realized what L was planning, "You wouldn't..."

"I would, and I require some stress relief since everything I had planned for Misa is not in use." He relaxed, "But I don't have to do that, you know. I know you've always wanted to be useful to me."

He reread the letter. Possession by Shinigami? Alright, maybe he had jumped to conclusions. Perhaps L was possessed and trying to get information to save himself? That would explain the behavior changes well enough—L didn't have to be a mass killer with Kira's power.

"I can be useful!" He tried, praying he could get out of this alive. Or if he was wrong, he could give the illusion of still being a fool and maybe lure L into a false sense of security? Before he did anything, he needed to find out what was going on. "Are you possessed and trying to save yourself?"

"I am not a Shinigami's plaything," L snapped, "My will is still my own. But this whole situation with Misa proves the world is corrupt and needs change." He chuckled humorlessly, a bitter smile on his face as he looked out the window, "You don't know what I'm talking about. Why would you? You had a happy life with warmth and love, oblivious to cold and hunger." He hugged himself, and Matsuda's heart went out to him, able to tell that even if he was wealthy now, L knew what cold and hunger were.

"Do... Do you think Kira is right?"

"I believe Kira is on the right track, but there are improvements to be made." He noticed L's body language relax somewhat, and he returned closer to the L that Matsuda had grown to deeply care for, "For starters, we need to have our laws changed. Think of Aizawa and the Chief and Light. Aizawa was beaten and abused by his wife for years, unable to do anything because women are not seen as abusers. Soichiro possibly needs to file for a divorce due to his wife wanting to force Light into a relationship with his rapist and mother of his child. The case will go in Sachiko's favor because Misa is a celebrity. Shouldn't we help them?"

He thought about those people he cared about so much, that brace Aizawa still wore from a fractured arm he had left untreated to keep his secret. Soichiro and Light were having their family torn apart because nothing could legally be done about Misa regarding the rapist thing.

Crime rates had gone down. People were supporting Kira, even L. Matsuda realized now there was a high chance that L had Kira's power, so he was one of the new Kiras, or perhaps one that hadn't been mentioned in the broadcast.

He could already hear everyone screaming at him and calling him an idiot for not trying to run and tell them everything about the fact L had turned on them. Was something wrong with him for seeing where L was coming from? If Kira did make changes, things could get better for everyone.

"Either way," Matsuda insisted, "Killing people is wrong. Saying the ends justify the means never works!" He placed a hand on L's shoulder, trying to force himself to relax, "I know this case is stressful, and you're looking for a way to arrest her, but there has to be another way that doesn't involve killing people."

"You sound like Yagami-San," L placed his hand on Matsuda's, smiling a bit, "You're doing all of this to make him proud and prove your worth to him, correct? Just like you've worked tirelessly to please me. I know I've called you an idiot, but with a different view on the world, I have to admit I misjudged you."

Despite himself, Matsuda felt increasing heat in his cheeks, realizing that L actually meant this. If he really meant nothing to him or thought he was an idiot, why not kill him already? Whether this was manipulation or not, the fact L was going through the trouble actually meant a lot because it meant he was worth L's time.

"You see what the world could be, right?" Without warning, L grabbed Matsuda's tie and pulled him close, so their faces were a mere couple inches apart, "You'll help me, right?"

A lot was coursing through his head right now, a lot of it even he didn't fully understand, just that if this meant he could help both L and the Chief, then why not take the chance at least for now? If things got out of hand, he could use this time to think of a way to tell everyone about this. But for now, what did he have to lose in allying with L?

"Yes, Ryuzaki, I'll help you. But I need to know what's going on."

L paused, "You will know what you need to soon enough. For now, the contents of that letter is all you need. Take it if you want. I've already memorized it. You can go now. I have dinner plans."

Matsuda went to leave, weak in the knees from relief to have gotten out of this alive. "Thank you, Ryuzaki."

"Oh, and Matsuda?" He turned and realized L's expression was back to menacing, "I'm giving you a chance, but I have cameras around this entire building. If you tell _anyone_ about this, I will kill that person and frame you for it."

Matsuda tensed up again, knowing that he couldn't try anything. Well... maybe he could? Whether his intentions were good or not, whether this was some split personality or a change in the detective, L was clearly mentally unwell. If he told Watari that he was really worried about L's health but didn't elaborate on anything in the letter, that wouldn't be considered a betrayal, right? Surely L wouldn't kill his caretaker to keep the secret.

He decided it would be best to leave this note on L's desk. He hurried out as he unlocked the door, barely making it back to his own room before his knees gave out, and he sobbed, realizing how close he had come to death, and the fact that going through with this, while it seemed like the right thing to do, would betray the trust of his friends. Would they understand in time? They didn't have to know, but what if they found out? 

This whole thing was so confusing, so he tried to focus on the positive.

L had smiled at him, even complimented him, and thought him valuable enough to not kill on the spot when surely he was the easiest to get rid of. He let himself believe it had been genuine, even if part of him suspected deep down that it was anything but.

OoOoO

At the end of an hour, Light found himself at L's door, standing there anxiously. This was it—he was going to talk to L... to Azrael.

He looked down and noticed Archimedes had followed him, pressing his head against Light's leg as though to offer support. Light softened and picked up his cat, petting him.

Ryuk looked over his shoulder, "Are you going to go in?"

Light hesitated before knocking on the door and hearing, "It's open!" from inside. He went inside and saw a pleasant dinner of fish and chips, which he had taken quite a liking to in the past few weeks, waiting for him on a table by the window.

He and L met each other's gaze, and Light shut and locked the door, setting Archimedes down, where the cat ran to the bed and was content to watch from where he lay.

He sat at the table with L, noticing that L was actually eating the same meal, not something with sugar for a change. He stared down at the dinner and quietly began to eat, unsure how to start this conversation. How much did L already know?

"How long have we known each other?" L asked, and Light looked up to him, "Seven months, correct?" Light took a moment to count back the months and realized that yes, it had been seven months since they had first interacted with him on that broadcast. 

"Well, that's how long we have known of each other," he replied, "We met officially in April, or perhaps January since I know you were there at the entrance exam."

L nodded a bit, "And yet, this is the first time we've talked without any acting involved." Light froze, no longer picking at his food and meeting L's gaze, and he held out his hand to shake, "Nice to meet you, Kira-Kun."

_So L does know..._

Light shook his hand, "How long have you known?"

"Since I first laid eyes on you in January. I lied when I said it was only 1%."

"Figured," Light relaxed, crossing his arms and leaning back in his seat, "So pretending I was just a Kira supporter in our letters was pointless?"

"Actually, it was quite effective in making me doubt myself," L replied, "But as of an hour ago, I was once again positive of who you are." He chuckled, "So are we done with the lies?"

"If you tell me your name, then yes."

"L Lawliet."

Light's eyes widened, having not in any seriousness thought it would be that simple, "How do you know I'm not just going to kill you now."

"I didn't give you the spelling."

Light laughed a bit, "Good play." He then paused, "Is L short for something, or have you seriously had your name public all this time?"

"The latter," L replied, "I try to avoid thinking about why that's my name." He stood and dug into his suitcase, revealing a small safe, and when he opened it, a Death Note was inside. "I am your ally, Light."

Light took the Death Note and flipped through the pages, "You don't write many names daily."

"I don't. It's actually something alongside my other critiques that I wanted to discuss with you, hopefully, as a partner and not somebody you plan to manipulate and discard. I already have plenty of pawns for us to use."

Partner? L certainly wasn't backing down. Even if L was making himself of higher status with Light, as someone to work alongside and not above, Light found he actually liked it a lot.

 _"Why are you so suspicious of me?! I don't mind if you just use me! Believe me."_ He shuddered as he thought about Misa, and he narrowed his eyes to L,

"And what do you get out of this? Misa wanted to get in my pants—what's your game?"

"Those sexist laws changed and Misa's head on a spike," L answered, "That's all. I don't have to be lusting after you to want to help you."

He observed L for a moment until he was satisfied that the answer was genuine, then he nodded a bit, "Alright. What are these critiques of yours?"

"You need to take into account false conviction."

"What?"

L paused, "That's what I thought. The Japanese justice system is corrupt. If you are arrested for any reason, there is a 99.8% chance you are going to prison. It's a system where guilty until proven innocent prevails. I'm not saying any other justice system is perfect—America's cases are mostly determined by plea bargains—but Japan's is unreliable."

"Plea bargains?" He blanched as he realized he had only a vague idea of what these clearly important things were. Was he making judgments incorrectly?

"People confessing to lesser crimes to avoid running the risk of being accused of something more serious—even if they're not guilty at all. That's what America uses to determine cases for the most part. You need to do more research into criminal cases and sacrifice quantity for quality if you want to make actual changes to our world."

He decided to file that away to worry about later, "I assume changing the laws is something else we need to do."

"Correct, and I already have one of my puppets working on that. The last critique is to avoid killing innocent officers like you did with the FBI agents. It doesn't make you look godly; it makes you look scared and vulnerable. To strike down those who oppose you, it has to be discrete and easier to hide. For example, if I were to kill Matsuda, who, as of an hour ago, discovered evidence that made his suspicious of me, I would do it most likely by suicide. That way, it can't be traced back to Kira."

"Wait, what?!" Light stood up, "Matsuda found out?!" But L seemed largely unconcerned,

"He only saw a letter which would prove I'm connected to Kira, not that I have the power. I have already taken advantage of his feelings for me and care for the task force to keep him quiet until I could ask your opinion on what to do with him. Call it a show of trust." He relaxed in his seat, leading Light to sit back down, "I will admit, I let him find that letter. It benefits me whether he keeps quiet and allies with us or not."

"What do you mean?"

"If he stays on our side, that's another ally and someone to frame if Mikami becomes too useful to dispose of. If Matsuda tries to talk, or you say so, I will kill him, and that is one less person off the task force. If he speaks to another officer, I can kill that officer and frame Matsuda as the Kira who is actually Mikami."

Light cocked his head, "Mikami?"

"Teru Mikami, my newest puppet who I have instructed to locate Misa." L put his thumb to his lips, "I could take advantage of Matsuda's feelings for me, perhaps pretend to have a relationship. However, the idea sounds unpleasant, and given what he knows about me, it's a risky move that even he may see coming."

Light had to admit that the idea of L being with Matsuda, even if it was fake, made him slightly uncomfortable, but he quickly shook that away as being off-put by the idea of using someone's emotions. But why did he care who L slept with? And having Matsuda on their side could be extremely useful, and it would mean only Mogi stood in direct opposition of Kira and wasn't sidetracked with something else.

"Let's avoid that," he decided, "I don't want to kill Matsuda, so let's just hope he stays with us. You fake dating him is Plan B, and killing him is the last resort." L nodded,

"Agreed. So that is decided." He looked to Ryuk, who was watching intently while eating an apple, "So how did you get the Death Note? I assume you were not specifically selected as I was."

"Ryuk dropped it, and I just happened to pick it up," he looked L over again, "I still can't believe you're actually joining me. I hadn't dared to hope it would happen."

"To be honest, I hadn't expected it either. But I suppose life is full of surprises." He stood and put on his gloves, tossing another pair to Light, before bringing over a letter, "We should discuss what I learned from Mikami's research and what it means for us."

They discussed what to do regarding the new world and this information for hours, and Light agreed Mikami may be too useful to discard any time soon, especially if he had the eyes. Eventually, their topic of discussion switched to more personal and learning about each other.

By the end of the evening, Light had been able to eat his entire meal and was lying in L's bed, not wanting to go back to his own room. He felt... safe. It wasn't an illusion this time, either, of something his mind had known wouldn't remain true. This time it was real, and he knew L would protect him.

The new world was going to be more than Light could have ever done on his own, and was grateful for this nightmare with Misa to have a silver-lining of bringing him L as a partner.

Soon, Misa would be taken care of, and he could figure out what he planned to do with the whole father-to-be situation. He was hoping to avoid getting married, and he was sure that L would act if it came to that.

So when he fell asleep this time, with L by his side but also being careful to not touch him, it was a truly restful one for the first time since this mess had begun, not a false rest his body forced on him to cure exhaustion.

And if he had woken up, realizing he had maneuvered himself, so he was sleeping on L's chest with his arms wrapped around the slumbering detective while Archimedes was laying on what had been Light's pillow, nobody had to know.


	18. Chapter 18

Sometimes, Sayu almost found it funny that her brother and Dad took her promise to stay out of this seriously. She was fifteen now, wasn't lying kind of in the description? And really, both of them knew her well enough that they should have seen this coming.

Light was her best friend and older brother, so of course she wouldn't just sit by as their family fell apart because Light got raped by a famous model and rising actress.

She looked at her map, circling important locations, such as the hotel, To-Oh University, the café Light loved, their house... and the estimated location he had been assaulted. Misa had taken her address offline after a few stalkers tried to jump her—and wasn't that just a show of hypocrisy—and Sayu knew she didn't have the resources to just look that up.

Maybe it was silly to have dressed herself up kind of like Light, with her hair up, wearing a white button-up with a tie, but it made her feel smart like her brother, and she needed all the intelligence she could get if she wanted to help the investigation.

She talked to Light and was relieved he had been getting a bit more sleep and eating more in the last month. Ryuzaki was really helping him, and she was waiting for this whole Misa situation to be resolved so she could tease him about maybe dating Ryuzaki. 

Another reason the idea of him willingly sleeping with Misa was absurd to even think about. Sayu knew for sure that Light was attracted to men, or at the very least bisexual with a preference for men. She looked back fondly on before this whole Kira mess when she and Light would admire attractive men together in magazines, and Light would pretend he was just enabling her and not joining in.

It had been pretty easy to get out of school early. She feigned fever thanks to a portable hand warmer she hid in her sweatshirt sleeve and pressed to her forehead whenever possible. She also didn't take her seasonal allergy meds, so she was consistently coughing. While the nurse took care of a kid who had thrown up, she forged Dad's signature on the sign-out sheet and hurried out the door.

But she wasn't going to be able to pull a stunt like that again, so she had to use all the time she had. It was 10am now, and she had to be at the new apartment by 3:45pm since the walk was longer than usual while taking the safer back route.

That left her almost six hours to do what she had to do. Thankfully, her first destination was much more familiar: her normal home, before this mess and her parents' marriage falling apart.

Because why? Why would Mom turn against Light like that? Sure, the idea of having a celebrity in the family was pretty awesome to think about, but not when Misa had clearly hurt Light. Maybe it just had something to do with the baby?

Just the thought of Light having a child in seven months was jarring. Light could barely take care of himself half the time, so him taking care of a child was almost worrisome. 

Not that she thought he _wouldn't_ do it, just that _could_ he? Light was a detached person; he didn't display affection to family the way most people did. Ryuzaki was the only person she had ever seen him display a fondness for openly, which convinced her he was crushing on Ryuzaki. But the point still stood. Could he emotionally provide for a kid?

She unlocked the door and let herself in, but she didn't say anything when she heard a voice, "So are the arrangements in order?" 

Sayu's blood ran cold. She knew that voice... 

Misa.

She remembered what Ryuzaki said about Misa being the Second Kira, and she hid at the stairs and turned on a voice recorder she always kept with her to prove to her Dad that she could be a police officer if she put her mind to it. She wasn't just some helpless little girl.

She put part of her jacket in her mouth to muffle her heavy breathing, glad she had gotten into the habit of closing the front door quietly.

"There are no arrangements," she heard Mom say with what Sayu realized was fear, "Soichiro is a stubborn man, and no matter what you say, you will not persuade him to give you Light's hand, let alone location. He was not responsible for the restraining order but has nothing against it."

Misa chuckled menacingly, "You do remember what I told you would happen if Light and I weren't married before the baby is born, right? That I would kill your daughter?" Her laugh became more cheerful, "I'd tell Light too, but I don't think he would be too happy about that and might kill me after the baby's born, so let's keep this between us and not bring your officer husband into our little deal."

Sayu fought back a scream. So there really was something else going on. Should she call Ryuzaki? No, that would be too loud, and from what she was hearing, the police being called could be a death sentence for both her and Mom. _Oh god—what do I do? Can I get out of this?_

To her surprise, Mom scoffed, clearly angered, "If Light was going to kill you, it doesn't matter if he knows about what you're saying or not. I said that I would help you get married to him, but I said nothing about what he does after the fact. He could very well divorce you, and I have no control over that."

"And risk getting public ridicule for dumping a celebrity? I don't think so." Sayu didn't know what Misa was doing, but she would assume by her tone that she was relaxed. "All you need to do is get him up that aisle, and I can do the rest. Your daughter will be safe and sound, your family gets money, and nobody is any wiser. So what were you saying about no arrangements being planned?"

After a moment of quiet, Mom let out a pained sigh, "I don't even know where he is. Your demand made my husband leave and take the kids. Sayu knows what you have done and resents you. Both she and Soichiro would object to the marriage, alongside Light's friend, Ryuzaki, even if Light agrees."

"Ryuzaki?" Misa's tone suddenly changed, "I've looked through all of Light's friends, and Ryuzaki's never come up."

"I would assume he's a college friend. Light didn't specify where he met Ryuzaki."

Sayu brightened. Mom was lying to Misa. They all knew Ryuzaki was part of the Kira task force. If there was some sort of agreement between them, then if Mom could keep using small lies, they could get somewhere.

Misa got up, "I'll have to look into him."

"Should I expect you back?"

"Sadly, no," Misa sighed, "Your husband won't remove the restraining order, and who knows when that will be removed, or if L's lackeys show up. But we will meet again soon."

Sayu heard Misa heading this way, and she shut off the recording, not caring that she still had her shoes on as she scrambled upstairs as quietly as possible, heading into Light's room where the balcony was.

She waited until she saw Misa leave in a fancy car, and she scrambled for her phone in hopes of taking a picture of the license plate but was disappointed to be too late.

Should she talk to Mom about what she had heard? She shook her head, deciding she needed to tell Light and Dad first—

Wait. Could she tell them? Light might do something rash and marry Misa to protect his family, or Dad might lose his shit, which could end badly.

She stifled a sob. Even if she tried to be brave, the idea that her life was in the balance of if Light was married off to that psycho was just too horrible to bear. Mom had a point that Light could get a divorce, but that would ruin him, and what if Misa killed her in revenge?

Maybe she could confide in Ryuzaki? Or...

She got an idea as she looked down her list. What if there was another way...?

She jumped down from the balcony, landing in a bush to break her fall, and she sprinted away from the house and to To-Oh University.

She felt a little bad about going through Light's phone and getting Kiyomi Takada's number, but she needed someone who can confirm that if Sayu was killed, Misa was responsible.

She tried not the think about the idea of possible death like a noose around her neck as she let her adrenaline kick in, taking a break at the crosswalk and texting Kiyomi that she was Light's little sister and in serious trouble because of Light's stalker. She got a message asking where to meet, and Sayu said the cafe in fifteen minutes.

When she got there, she was sweaty and panting, and she saw Kiyomi at Light's favorite table, where they wouldn't be heard. She stumbled over, her body shaking from the unexpected exercise as she shook Kiyomi's hand, "Hey, I'm Sayu. It's nice to officially meet you."

"The pleasure is mine, though I wish the circumstances were more fortunate." She took a sip of coffee, "Would you like anything? I assume you didn't bring money."

"Only enough for a muffin," she muttered, "Can I have some coffee too?"

"Of course," Kiyomi ordered quickly and leaned in a bit, "So you're in trouble with Light's stalker. I know it's Misa Amane after what happened last month. You don't need to hide that from me."

Sayu sighed with relief to know she had someone as influential as Miss To-Oh on her side. And she had to admit Kiyomi was extremely beautiful; photos did not do her justice. She felt embarrassed to be in the presence of someone so elegant when Sayu's own attire was messed up and probably darkened with sweat, and her hair was a disaster.

"Yeah, can you keep a secret?" Kiyomi nodded, "Misa's the Second Kira, and she's threatening to kill me unless Mom makes sure Light marries Misa. Light and Dad don't know about this, and I know if I tell them, they'll act rashly. I kind of need someone who can listen to this voice recording, so if I end up dead in a ditch, we can confirm Misa did it."

Kiyomi listened to the recording, "You're unusually calm about this."

"I am on the brink of a mental breakdown and trying to channel my inner Light to have any semblance of keeping it together. Please don't judge me if I start sobbing."

"I won't." She quickly ordered some ice cream, "You look like you need it."

"Thanks," she smiled sheepishly, "So yeah, I don't exactly know what to do and need some help if I want to find Misa and somehow find a way to help my family."

Kiyomi hummed a bit in thought, "I have been investigating Misa Amane as well, and I've discovered some interesting information. The idea of her being the Second Kira is an insult to the name of Kira."

Sayu blinked, "Do you support Kira?"

"I heavily support the original Kira and understand the newest Kira, but I detest the Second Kira."

Sayu remembered her conversation with Ryuzaki about what she would do if Kira killed Misa. She might not be a strong worshipper like Kiyomi seemed to be, but if there was one thing she was good at as a teenager in high school, it was managing to remain neutral, so nobody turns against you. It would make sense for her to be pro-Kira after seeing the unforgivable injustices in this world.

So she shrugged, deciding to play a different card, "I don't know what I think of Kira. Dad is against him, and while I feel the newest Kira is a little too extreme, and Misa is truly the worst, I can't help but think the OG Kira has a point."

"Exactly," Kiyomi smiled, "If you have any questions about supporting Kira, I'm glad to provide some. But for now, we're contemplating what to do about Misa and this new information. I agree that telling Light isn't the best idea, so what we need is help. Perhaps a prosecutor who would know what to do from here? Misa might be able to escape rape charges and being the Second Kira due to the media protecting her, but she can't escape a threat of homicide... especially given what else I've learned."

"Like?"

"Are you free for the rest of the day?" Kiyomi asked, "If you would like, we can discuss this into the evening."

Sayu hesitated, knowing she would probably be pushing her luck. She checked her phone. 10:57am. She still had a ton of time. "I have until 3:45 when I have to be home, but I'm sure Dad won't mind if I say I'm with a friend for a school project—oh! If I play my cards right, I might be able to work with you until tomorrow night for the Sumidagawa Fireworks Festival!"

"That sounds like a suitable arrangement. That will give us time to come up with a plan."

Sayu's brow furrowed, "Why are you helping me? I know you're friends with Light, but how do you even know about the assault, and why are you willing to help the girl you just met?"

"I suspected the assault after Light confided in me that he was being stalked, and then two days later, he has drastic changes in behavior and becomes much more reclusive. But it was seeing her drag him away that made me sure what had happened. As for why I'm helping you, I believe in defending justice, and Light is my friend."

"That's it?" Kiyomi nodded, and Sayu beamed, "Well then, Miss To-Oh, it looks like you and I are a team!"

"It seems we are."

OoOoO

A month of knowing that L not only knew about him being Kira but actively supported it and worked alongside him would be the best damn month of his life if it weren't for the constant concerns about Misa.

To everyone's surprise, L told the task force to take some time off due to the case's extremely high stress. Given the Chief's marriage's tension, Aizawa being thrust into single parenthood, Light's mental health, and L himself becoming increasingly pissed off, all of this ruined their collective deductive reasoning. They would waste more time trying to work than to simply take a break to get their lives together, so this break was estimated to be for another month or two.

The actual reason for the break, however, was to have as few people in headquarters as possible and fewer people in the way of Light and L's work.

Light was both parts fascinated and horrified to learn more about justice systems around the world. For this month, that was his job, to learn as much as possible and create an outline for what they wanted to do to change the world, while L continued receiving letters from Mikami and analyzing kills.

He found himself relieved that L was calming down a bit. Getting a break was good for him... But there were times where he would go full-on bloodlust and be ready to kill Matsuda or would break down in a fury from this break leaving time for Misa to run free, and now the baby was officially alive. Light would have to hold onto him and assure him that this break was a good thing and they could focus on the new world and changing those laws so they could convict her easier. 

That managed to calm L down decently, and sometimes Light wondered what L's mental health was like behind closed doors. If the shattered mirror told him anything, it wasn't great. He occasionally worried the Death Note was doing this to him, but shook those thoughts away as probably just stress, and the fact he had this power, but Misa being pregnant left him unable to use it. After all, it had been a stressful time for both of them.

The main concern Light had was Matsuda, who remained around headquarters since he had been planning to move out of his apartment anyway, so he had essentially moved into one of the guest rooms, so he didn't have to pay rent. The problem was he at least suspected L's secret, so how long before he knew about Light's own?

Archimedes nudged him from where he was walking around on the counter, and Light shook those thoughts away as he made himself some lunch. It wasn't much, just a small salad, but L was so insistent that he ate at least two meals per day, only one nap allowed during the day, and he had to be in bed by 2am at the latest. Light knew it was to help him adjust back into normalcy, and part of him was happy L cared so much, but it was also irritating to be reminded constantly that he had to eat and sleep like a reasonable person.

He checked the calendar. Tomorrow was the fireworks festival his family always went to. Would he go this year? Surely Misa wasn't stupid enough to attend... but what if she did since there were large crowds?

Ryuk came in, "Whatcha doing?"

"Contemplating if I should brave going outside to go to the firework festival tomorrow." Ryuk started laughing, and Light frowned, "What's so funny? I am capable of going outside." He then turned and saw Archimedes was pawing at the button to open the microwave. He put his salad off to the side and picked Archimedes up, petting him, "That's not for you, Archie." Archimedes only licked his nose in response.

Ryuk sat on one of the barstools, "L's been wondering the same thing of if you will be going out. You could just ask him out, you know."

"Ask him out? Like a date?" Light rolled his eyes, "We're partners, Ryuk. Nothing else."

"You say that as though you haven't been sharing a bed with him for a month." Ryuk cocked his head a bit, "Are you nervous?"

"I'm not nervous," Light insisted, "Why would I be nervous? I trust L. I mean, we wouldn't be building a new world together if—oh, I see what you're doing."

"I wasn't actually doing anything," Ryuk admitted, eating an apple and staring at Archimedes, who was pawing at the apple, "Cat, this is mine! Get your own!"

"Well, I'm not nervous," Light psyched himself up, "You know, we have been working together for a while, and we both deserve a break." He snapped to the side when he heard a knock on the kitchen door, and he worried it was Matsuda for a moment before opening it and seeing L. "Oh, hey, L."

"I was hoping to find you in here," he noticed the salad, "Glad to see you're eating something."

"Yeah," he relaxed further, sitting on the barstool to eat, "So what is it? Any update with Matsuda?"

"He seems to have fully convinced himself that I am possessed and moments away from being overtaken by the suicidal aspect, and he's determined to help by learning anything he can about Shinigami. I am content to let him run with that narrative since it keeps him from being a threat."

"I assume you're going to play into his expectations?"

"Most likely." He sat down, "So, Light-Kun, we've been partners for a little while now, working to create a better world and all, and I thought maybe we need a break."

Light perked up, "What did you have in mind?"

"You mention your family goes to a firework festival every year. There's one tomorrow night if you want to go—I mean if you're comfortable with that..."

"Yeah," Light grinned, "I was actually thinking about asking if you wanted to go with me."

"Oh. That's fortunate." He grabbed himself a piece of cake from the fridge, "The fireworks begin at 7pm, right?" Light nodded, "So should we leave here around 5pm so we can get some dinner first?"

Light couldn't help but notice that sounded like a date. But he had to admit going out to dinner with L before the festival with L sounded like a lot of fun. It was just as partners, nothing more.

"That sounds like a nice evening."

He chose to ignore the fluttering sensation in his stomach when he saw the genuine excitement on L's face. What was this feeling? It had started happening a lot lately, and he had decided he liked the sensation, but he also had no idea what it was. Maybe Dad would know?

L sat down with him, "Light, are you okay? You're staring." He offered some of the cake, "Do you want a piece?"

Light snapped out of his trace and eyed the cake before making a choice, "You know what? That actually sounds nice."

L gave a soft smile, "I'm glad to see you're doing a bit better."

Thinking about it, Light realized that even if it was mostly just keeping himself busy and following a routine, he did feel better than he had two months ago. He hadn't yet tried adjusting to normal life again, remaining safe in the headquarters' walls, but getting a normal night's sleep was progress.

It was almost funny, thinking back on not so long ago, they had been enemies. But now, if he had L with him, even this nightmare with Misa didn't seem so unbearable anymore.


	19. Chapter 19

L quickly learned while trying to schedule things that to get good seats for the fireworks, you needed to be there for a while in advance, which was fine now that he knew what to expect, bringing a picnic blanket and some food for the day.

It meant neither of them had much to do if they wanted good seats, but if L was anything, it was resourceful, buying a miniature TV so he and Light could write names in their separate notebook of people worth looking into the cases of to pass the time. They would get dinner after the festival.

Light adjusted his red kimono with gold details as they both watched as the sun was setting, painting the sky in various shades of pink and orange, "It's nice, coming out here with friends." He leaned on the railing, separating them from the river, and he looked around again at people who started to crowd to see the fireworks.

L put his hand on Light's, "We're safe here, Light-Kun."

Light was quiet, and L knew that no amount of assurances was going to ease his concerns. There was nothing he could say to make Light's fear go away, and he had every right to be concerned, but L looked around and didn't see Rem anywhere, so he had hope Misa was not so stupid as to have come out here.

Still, seeing the anxious expression made knots form in L's stomach that made him deeply uncomfortable. Light shouldn't have to feel like this. They were becoming the Gods of this world, with Misa being the only thing standing in their way.

Looking around, he grabbed a red flower, and hesitantly offered it to Light to distract him. Light looked down at it, and L wasn't sure if he imagined it or not but did Light's pupils dilate at that moment as he took the flower, his other hand still holding onto L's.

L looked away a bit, wondering if the heat he felt on his face was manifesting itself as a blush. He prayed to a higher power to prevent his face from reddening, but he quickly stopped since even if Ryuk somehow could help him, he would not do so.

It was... something. He didn't know what it was—or perhaps he didn't want to know—but while he realized now it had been there ever since he met Light, it had been getting so much stronger in the month knowing the person behind the masks.

He dug his nails into his palm. He shouldn't be thinking about such things. It just felt wrong on so many levels; that part of him wanted something the rest of him knew Light wasn't ready for. Was it shallow, these new feelings he was harboring for Light?

He decided to keep quiet about it. Nobody needed to know. Who was he to want something beyond their friendship and partnership after all that had happened? He knew that he wasn't the most selfless person, but something still felt wrong with that voice in the back of his mind saying this was a date. It wasn't. This was just two partners taking a break.

It didn't matter. Having Light's trust and friendship was more than enough, and he knew for that alone, he would stay no matter what.

He was snapped out of it when he heard the first loud booming sound and looked up to the sky to see the brightly colored fireworks, and he turned and saw Light looking up at them with an innocent grin on his face as though all of his troubles had melted away.

It didn't escape his notice that the flower he had given Light was now in his hair, resting behind his ear. It nicely complemented his clothes and eyes.

He also realized he was still holding Light's hand, and Ryuk gave him a thumbs up. He glowered at the Shinigami but decided to enjoy the show. Ryuk whispered in his ear,

"Now's as good a time as any to tell him."

"Tell him?" he was glad the fireworks were loud enough that Light couldn't hear him, and he blanched at what Ryuk was suggesting. Even if he just said what he was feeling was a bit more than friends, would that cross a line? Was Light ready for that kind of thing?

"Now's as good a time as any," Ryuk pointed out, "You know he likes you."

"He..." L turned to Light, who suddenly turned his gaze back from the sky, which had L realizing he had been glancing at him.

Should he do it?

...

He noticed Ryuk whisper something to L but found himself content to stare at the detective, taking in the blue kimono he was wearing with black details. It suited him nicely, and he was still surprised to have seen L in more outfits than his white shirt and jeans.

The butterflies in his stomach had started up again, as though there was something he wanted to say but had no idea what it was. He supposed that he should thank L for everything and for joining him.

He thought about the flower in his hair now, and he realized how truly happy he was at the gesture.

L blinked, raising his voice slightly so he could be heard over the fireworks, "What is it?"

Light realized he had been staring, "Oh—Um... you just look great."

"Thank you," L stared up at the fireworks, one, in particular, looking like a flower, "Light-Kun... are you comfortable here? Are we still going out to dinner?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Because you mean a lot to me, and I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for."

Something about what L was saying struck Light as odd, and he found himself wondering if... was there something else L was saying?

He found himself relaxing, a bit even though his curiosity was peaked, "L, is something going on?"

"Yeah..." L rubbed the back of his neck, "Light, I..."

Silence fell between them, the rest of the world falling quiet in Light's mind as he realized he had leaned closer to L, so close their foreheads were almost touching. "Yes?"

L suddenly went rigid and grabbed his shoulder firmly, hunching over and a hand over his heart, "I think I need to go to the hospital," he choked out.

Everything went in slow motion. L's eyes rolling into the back of his head and falling to the side, Light diving to catch him, and L beginning to seize in his arms.

"Ryuzaki?!" He didn't know what to do besides try to wake him, and other people were crowded around them as they realized something was happening. "Help! We need a doctor!" He screamed a the top of his lungs as L finally fell still after about thirty seconds, and Light's hands were shaking too much to see if he had a pulse.

A young man probably only a few years older than Light pushed past a couple people and bent down beside L, and Light's eyes widened as he instantly recognized the man as Teru Mikami, the new Kira that L had chosen. He also realized that Mikami had the Shinigami eyes, meaning he, without a doubt, knew who both of them were now.

But he didn't even seem to pay that any heed, as he asked Light, "What happened?"

"I—I don't know! He was fine a moment ago, and then..." it dawned on him, as in the distance, he saw the outline of a Shinigami.

 _No... no, no no, no no, this can't be happening._ Was L a victim to the Death Note right now?! He looked up and saw Ryuk's eyes were completely red and had an expression of fury that for the first time ever had Light genuinely afraid of his Shinigami.

Mikami tore open the kimono and began CPR, "Call for emergency services," he looked around, "Someone get an AED!"

Light fumbled for his phone, dialing emergency services and then Watari to tell him that L had collapsed out of the blue, and he was panicking that what if it was Kira.

_"Light, calm down. If this is Misa like I assume you're suggesting, you need to stay calm and not do anything rash. Stay close to a crowd so she can't get to you."_

It was sound advice, but as he watched Mikami working on getting L's heart beating again, he realized something. If Mikami had the Shinigami eyes and was still going at this... that meant L still had his name visible, meaning the Death Note wasn't _killing_ him.

Mikami looked up, and with one nod, he told Light everything he needed to know.

"Do what you have to do, Light," he assured him softly so the other panicking people who had fallen into the bystander effect—doing nothing and watching, thinking someone else was going to do it—didn't hear them. "He is safe with me, and you may not get a chance like this soon."

Watari told him not to do anything rash, and every nerve in his body was telling him listening to Watari was a good idea. However, as he saw the paramedics rushing over, he knew L was in good hands, and he didn't want to think about what would happen to L if Misa got away because Light didn't want to leave him.

He squeezed L's shoulder, not wanting to leave him, but knowing he had to, "I'll be back soon... I hope. Thank you, Mikami." And he took off, pressing the emergency button on the belt he had hidden under his kimono's sash. While it was hindering to run in, everyone was wearing the robes for the festival, so he knew pregnant Misa wasn't going to be going much faster from the point he had seen her at.

He didn't find her on his own. He ended up following Ryuk, who was tracking Rem. And he found Misa in the park not far from them, and she beamed to see him,

"Light!" She ran to see him, but Light channeled what L had been teaching him in the last month, and when she grabbed his wrist, he used his other hand to pull it back and side-stepped, throwing her off balance as he was able to take a few more steps back.

In the moonlight, with only the faintest of streetlamps to provide illumination, Light fought past the terror coursing through his veins as that night two months ago flashed behind his eyes. He could feel the phantom hands on his legs, pinning to the ground and against a wall. He had to consciously remember L lay unconscious in an ambulance right now to have any connection to reality.

He scoffed instead, "I wouldn't have thought you were so stupid to come out of hiding when an entire task force and the other Kiras are against you."

Misa stomped her foot down, "Light, how could you?! Were you seriously about to kiss that creep—are you really on _that_ side of the fence?" She recoiled a bit in disgust before brightening, "But if you're here running to me now, that means we can live happily ever after! And I even did what I promised and killed L for you!"

So Misa was responsible, and Light's fear morphed into fury. She had no power here, and Rem was flying above in some sort of shouting match with Ryuk.

"L is a better partner to me than you will ever be," he said with forced calm, not daring to go near her, "Don't you get it, Misa? I have tried to give you mercy, but you go against everything I have worked so hard to build, and if it weren't for L's quick thinking, the image of Kira would be tarnished. We are trying to build a better world."

Misa had a look of complete shock on her face, and she tried to take a step closer, "Yeah, but to me... you are more important than the world."

"What are you talking about?" He glared, channeling as much of his Kira side as possible. The last time he let that borderline psychotic side of him take over was when he was taunting Naomi Misora. He had told himself he wouldn't stray that far again, but right now, that may be the only thing able to keep him stable. "Your feelings for me are supposed to be as an admirer of Kira, and the only times we have talked have not given me any reason to not kill you on the spot the moment our child is born. You told me I didn't care if I used you and that I could have your Death Note to prove your loyalty." He extended a hand, "Surrender your Death Note, Misa, and I will spare your life."

The best way to deceive someone is to tell them the truth. _He_ would spare her life, but if Light was right about what L had done, then L would be around and had been thirsting for Misa's blood. _L_ would show no mercy.

Misa hesitated, "If I surrender my notebook to you, then you will marry me, right?"

"I never said that," Light snapped, "And why should I marry you when you commit countless crimes to be near me?"

"What about our daughter?! I only conceived her, so you would have no choice but to marry me, and I can give you an heir! Can L give you an heir? Huh?!"

There was so much in Misa's statement Light wanted to comment on, such as Misa only seeing their child as a tool to use. He debated telling Misa about Sara being captive for a month now—under much nicer conditions and on her own floor since they didn't know where to alert Misa until now—but he realized Misa would kill her sister without any hesitation. So he took a breath, "How would you know the gender of our child? Don't you find out the gender in at least another month?"

"Call it mother's intuition." Light huffed, shaking his head,

"I never said I even wanted an heir." He couldn't help but wonder where anyone else was since he had pushed the emergency button, but he was fine with being alone for this conversation. But then he remembered that because everyone was on break, there was a high chance nobody was coming, and that made his fear spike. "Just give up, Misa. I am changing the sexual assault laws, so you won't be able to hide behind being a woman for long."

Misa giggled, "But I'm a celebrity. I can give you everything you could want to be with me—fame, fortune, influence. It seems like a pretty sweet deal if I do say so myself."

He turned when he heard the sound of a car, and his blood ran cold when he heard what Misa said next.

"I should also mention I lured you out here so I could do this. Sorry, Light, but maybe we just need to spend some time together before you're ready to marry me."

Multiple massive men jumped out from where they had been hidden in the dark, and two of them grabbed Light, who struggled and kicked, able to pull himself back and elbow one in the face. Still, he could already feel himself being overpowered as he saw Misa walking casually into a car.

This couldn't be happening. Not now, not ever. He had fallen into a trap and was helpless again. And he knew that even if Ryuk grabbed Mikami as he saw the Shinigami taking off to most likely do, it would probably be too late.

All he could do was scream at the top of his lungs and clamped down on the hand that went to cover his mouth. He didn't freeze up this time. This time he could fight back, and while he didn't manage to get far before his legs were swept out from under him, he did get away, albeit for a moment.

BANG! BANG!

Light suddenly felt nothing was trying to get him, and he turned in horror to see both men were dead now—a bullet between their eyes.

"Light!"

He looked up and saw Dad sprinting towards him, his gun in his hand, and he bent down, pulling Light into a tight embrace, "Oh my god, I thought I was too late." 

"You killed them..." Light whispered, as the pieces clicked into place, and Dad was silent in his confirmation, but then he broke from the embrace and glared at Light, shouting,

"What were you _thinking_ coming out here on your own?!" Light recoiled because he had never heard his father shout like this before, "If I had been a minute later, you would be _gone,_ do you get that?!"

Light trembled, "I... I wasn't thinking. I—I thought I could take her on—I didn't even think that it was a trap..." 

Dad seemed to realize that letting his panic and anger show only served to terrify his child further, and he softened, pulling Light into the embrace again.

"I'm sorry, Light. I just can't have you taking risks like that. I don't know what I would have done if they had taken you."

Seeing as there were two corpses next to them now after an attempted kidnapping, Light found he didn't particularly want to know.

But... he had been helpless again. Even if he could struggle this time, he had still been overpowered. If Dad hadn't gotten here in time—

"Dad..." Light whimpered, clinging to him, sobbing for the night that was supposed to be a break and had ended in L on the brink and Light himself being almost kidnapped.

And Dad simply held him, soothing him and assuring him that everything would be okay.

Watari came over to the both of them, "What happened, Light?"

Light forced himself to try to calm his breathing, getting help to stand, and he explained what had happened. Watari listened and paid off someone Light didn't recognize to handle the bodies. He remembered L mentioning he had a shady payroll for specific situations, so he assumed it had something to do with that.

He was helped into the car and had a shock blanket over his shoulders, "Watari, do you know what happened to L yet? Any calls?"

"L is alive. He suffered a heart attack, which I assume is Misa Amane's doing," Light nodded confirmation, "But thanks to the quick thinking of a young man by the name of Teru Mikami, L will be fine."

"That's a relief." Light relaxed a bit, or forced himself to, knowing that almost being kidnapped would haunt him for a long time to come. He looked up to Dad, "I want self-defense classes."

"Good thing we can agree on that." Dad nodded, "And perhaps it would be best for your safety if you stayed in headquarters until Misa is apprehended."

"Yeah..." he pulled the blanket tighter around himself, "I want to see L. I shouldn't have left him."

"We're headed to the hospital now." Watari shook his head somberly, "Just as I thought L was getting better..."

Light squeezed his eyes shut, knowing full well that L was not going to be happy about any of this. The break was most likely over now that they had a lead that Misa had people working for her, meaning she was probably hiding with someone.

When they got to the hospital, Light was brought back to tend to the gash on his forearm he hadn't realized he had gotten. From the look of it, it was probably from falling on a sharp rock. It was simple bandaging and nothing more, and he asked Dad to get him some water.

He was surprised to see Mikami walk into the room, "I was told I could find you in here," he said, and Light smiled, getting up off the examination bed, making sure the door was closed.

"Hello, Mikami. I assume you know who I am."

"Kami, correct? Lawliet is Azrael."

Light sighed, "Yes. I am Kira. But I have to make this clear: I'm not God. I am just a human using the Death Note for other humans to better this world."

Mikami seemed taken aback for a moment, but then he simply smiled, "At least someone is making a change."

Light looked up from where he was staring at the floor, having half-expected Mikami to be angry, "Hm?"

"I had expected God was finally smiling down upon us, but if that can't happen, we have to contribute to society and do it ourselves." Mikami explained his thinking, "It's what anyone should do, and I thank you for trusting me with your power source so I can do my part as well."

"My thinking exactly," he heard footsteps from down the hall, "I don't have much time. But..." he grabbed a piece of paper off the counter of the room and wrote down the address to the cafe. His handwriting wasn't as elegant as it normally would be due to his shaking hands, but it was the best he could get. "Meet me and L here. I will write to you for a time when L is out of the hospital and better recovered."

Mikami pocketed the address, "It might not be about what Azrael assigned me to do, but I have noticed a trend of suspicious killings tied to Yotsuba, in case that is useful to you."

"That actually is," Light brightened, "Thank you."

Mikami smiled and nodded to him, heading out, and Dad came in, "Who was that?"

"Teru Mikami," Light explained, "He's the one who saved L, and he wanted to make sure I'm alright."

"That's kind of him," he handed Light some water, "Sayu's here too, and your friend, Miss Takada. I let them know you're okay, albeit shaken."

"Thanks..." he headed out of the room, remembering which room was L's, and he went in, seeing L was awake and was staring off at the wall with a look of uncontested detest and fury in his eyes and overall expression. Matsuda was sitting in the room, too, his hand on L's and a worried expression on his face.

Ryuk walked over, "I'm glad you're alright, Light-o. I would have helped you out since your life wasn't in danger, but I saw your Dad coming and figured you wouldn't want to explain why your attackers died of heart attacks."

Light nodded his acknowledgment and thanks to Ryuk, and sat down on the bed with L, realizing now he looked like a wreck, still dirty and his clothes were torn up. That must have been one hell of a first impression for Mikami to have with Kira.

"L?" He tried, and Matsuda shook his head,

"I told him what happened, and he's been like this since. I'm not sure what to do." He bowed his head a bit, "I thought a Shinigami had gotten him."

Ryuk stood over them, "L rendered himself immune two weeks ago using a Death Row inmate. He didn't tell you because he hadn't seen a need for you to ever find out, and it was the last resort anyway."

That made sense, and it also provided the illusion that Kira's power could fail. Light supposed that could also put him even further away from possible suspicion because, by that logic, there was a high chance the others would believe Dad had been a victim who hadn't actually died as well.

He shook L again, "Hey, L..."

L just started swaying a bit, and Light sighed, shaking his head a bit and tearing at his hair. Because of him, L would have died if he hadn't planned ahead. He was just so useless!

The mere idea of losing L, who had helped him through everything and hadn't judged him when he was at his lowest, brought him pain, unlike anything he had ever experienced.

He knew he needed to talk to Kiyomi and Sayu, so they knew he was alright, and maybe they would come into the room since they both knew L. Right now, all he could think about was L, and that it was because of the attempt on L's life that Light charged head-on into danger.

Why had he done that? He could tell himself it was because he didn't want Misa getting away, but now that he thought about it, that anger he felt, that willingness to kill. It didn't come from a desire to arrest her or because a friend had been harmed... 

And through the turmoil of his mind and the sounds from around the hospital, and the beeping of the heart monitor, a word flickered into Light's head as he stared into L's eyes, seeing him in that hospital gown. An answer and a truth he immediately denied and ignored to the point of trying to bury it. Perhaps it was for L's sake, or for his own, that he tried so hard to keep it from rising back up into his conscious mind.

Love.

No... that wasn't possible, right? He had never loved anyone besides his family, and he had tried multiple times with dates with girls or made friends over the years. He had only felt mild positive feelings towards anyone besides his family.

But this? Could he actually be in love with L? That was ridiculous.

Right?

...

Upon hearing Ryuga was the one who had been hospitalized, Kiyomi was heading down the hall, Sayu hot on her heels, to see him. She had to admit, Light's younger sister was a bright girl and enjoyable company, so she hadn't seen any issue in letting Sayu borrow some of her clothes as they discussed possible courses of action to take.

But if Misa had tried to kill Ryuga...

She accidentally bumped into a young man probably a few years older than her, and noticed his name on the visitor name tag on his suit jacket, "Mikami-San?" She brightened, "You're a prosecutor, correct?"

"Yes," Mikami offered his hand to shake to both of them, and Sayu cocked her head,

"A prosecutor?" Sayu then realized, "Oh! Hey, can you help us with something?" Kiyomi chuckled a bit. Sayu was fun, but she did have a lot to learn when it came to elegance and getting what you need while still being the one with more power.

Mikami frowned, "What do you need help with?" Kiyomi put on her most polite smile,

"It's concerning Misa Amane." She instantly knew she had Mikami's attention, and she couldn't help but wonder if he knew something that he most likely shouldn't, "Something doesn't sit right, and I was hoping a prosecutor could give us input to ease my concerns."

"What about?"

Kiyomi's smile turned into a small smirk, "The trial regarding the murder of Misa Amane's parents."

Both she and Sayu waited for an answer, and Sayu was clearly getting impatient in Mikami's silence, but Kiyomi knew full well she already had him convinced.

"I'm in."

OoOoO

Rem looked out the window of Higuchi's mansion, where on the bed, that slimy human was serving as a shoulder to cry on for Misa that Light had gotten away and refused to marry her.

L Lawliet was still alive. Rem knew that all too well and that he would not be happy in the slightest when he woke up, which created far more danger for Misa. But that wasn't her concern right now.

She had never seen Ryuk like that, screaming at her to grow a brain and realize the truth of what was happening. Ryuk was a spectator, so for him to become so aggressive meant that he actually did care for the wellbeing of at least two of his three humans.

She thought back on what Ryuk said about the magokoro. Ever since learning Misa hadn't been gifted with a pure heart, Rem found herself looking at everything differently, learning that most humans saw the things Misa was doing as reprehensible. But Misa was so sweet... it was just hard to believe she was doing anything actually wrong.

Yet she could hear still, Light Yagami screaming for anyone to save him, nowhere near happy about the idea of being with Misa. Rem wanted Misa to be happy, but she had only heard that kind of scream from a human who was losing all hope. If Light Yagami was capable of making that sound because of this "getaway," as Misa described it, how would a marriage end in anything but tragedy?

This whole thing didn't sit right, and Rem sighed, unsure of what to do anymore.


	20. Chapter 20

It had been over a week now, and Light was growing more and more terrified as each day passed. L's heart was recovering just fine, but L himself...

He seemed to have fallen into some sort of catatonic state, as now he was laying in bed, having moved himself to be laid side-lying at a 45-degree angle, his back arched a bit. If anyone tried to move him, he resisted and occasionally made agitated sounds, but the only times he had spoken in the last week had been repeating what others said.

Whether this was an act or not to play into Matsuda's expectations, Light didn't think so, but he could already tell from the fact Matsuda hadn't left L's side that it was working like a charm regardless.

He looked at the clock, knowing he would be working on self-defense with Dad in ten minutes in the dojo downstairs, and then head out to the apartment for dinner with Dad and Sayu, but he didn't want to leave L when he needed him. It was already stressful to slip away, so Matsuda wouldn't know about the nightly kills. He knew he could leave it to Mikami, but after meeting him, he researched the man and found he was extremely impressed and didn't want to overwork him.

Dad thought Light's new interest in Mikami was because he had saved L's life, and that was true, but he also wanted to get to know the man who had become such a huge help. Now that Misa had been in public, surely they would know. That, and having a prosecutor on his side would be a huge help when arresting Misa.

He turned to Matsuda, "You'll let me know if there is any change in his condition, right?" 

"Of course." He forced a small smile, "You can go. I'll stay with him."

"Thank you..." he got up, hurrying away, trying to suppress those agonizing knots in his stomach the longer L remained like that, and the turmoil of his own emotions, and even the implication that he was in love with—

No. No, he wasn't in love with L. They were just partners.

He headed into his room and quickly changed out of his pajamas and into more mobile clothing. Ryuk was lounging on the bed, eating an apple in one of the only places it wouldn't be caught by the cameras, "No change?"

"None." Light muttered, "Watari wants to take him to a psychiatrist and see what can be done. But I know he'll resist treatment if it would 'waste his time,' but if he's not awake in a couple days, we'll bring someone in."

"When are ya gonna talk to Mikami?" Ryuk asked, "You mentioned you were gonna do that." Light sighed,

"I was hoping to go with L... because I don't think I can make myself go out there alone." Just thinking about that night brought back those memories, and phantom hands grabbed him, and he had to fight against it, slumping in a chair, his head in his hands. Even the idea of leaving headquarters and to a hidden apartment Dad and Sayu lived in felt too terrifying. "But I don't want Misa to try and kill him, so he ends up like this again. Is this a side effect of being immune?"

"I don't know," Ryuk answered honestly, "I've never seen what happens when a human is immune but has their name written."

"What if he's like that forever?!" He forced himself to calm his breathing, "No... Matsuda said he was awake for a bit. but ended up like that after getting caught up... what's causing this?"

He went over to his laptop to look up what caused catatonia, but a knock on the door had him getting up, and he saw Dad standing there, "Are you ready?"

"Yeah..." he tried to psych himself up, knowing that Dad wasn't going to actually hurt him. They were just training to make sure nobody would succeed in abducting him. And he tried to justify it to himself that all officers in training had to learn martial arts, so this was going to happen eventually.

 _"Just some practice so you don't flip out on your instructor at the academy,"_ a voice taunted in the back of his head, but he shook it off, leaning close to Dad as they walked towards the dojo, trying to remind himself that everything was going to be okay.

...

Matsuda stayed by L's side, holding his hand and hoping his presence would help Ryuzaki wake up. As of now, he stared sightlessly out the window at the city. All that fire from when he had first wound up like this had faded.

He knew he didn't know the full story of what was going on. However, from the research he had done on Shinigami to help Ryuzaki and find out whatever that notebook mentioned in the letter, he knew something dark was happening behind the scenes.

It was pretty obvious that Ryuzaki was possessed by a Shinigami, and from what he had read, it meant he may very well attempt suicide at some point. Maybe this catatonia was a part of it. Matsuda didn't know.

The thing that bothered him most was how this had happened. At what point had Ryuzaki come in contact with a Shinigami? He estimated it was around the time Light was assaulted, but what did that have to do with anything? 

He supposed it was possible everyone with Kira's power had a Shinigami, meaning that perhaps Misa's Shinigami possessed him, so he destroyed himself before he could catch her? But that didn't seem to make sense.

Was... was it possible a different Shinigami had shown up, and Ryuzaki accepted it for the sake of revenge? Would he do that? He did know L had seen all of this as a game, and he was determined to win. He didn't confirm one way or the other if he had Kira's powers, just that he wasn't Kira.

Would Ryuzaki go back to normal when Misa was brought to justice? Somehow, Matsuda doubted that and he knew he had to do something fast, or Ryuzaki would die.

He sighed. He knew Ryuzaki would never return his feelings, and if any affection of that type was displayed by Ryuzaki, it would probably all be a form of manipulation. He wasn't a genius, but he knew enough about people to know that was exactly what would be happening should such passion be aimed at him.

It made sense, of course. Matsuda had known from the moment he saw Light and Ryuzaki interacting with each other, and that fury when Light came stumbling to headquarters, drugged and scared... he would never be able to claim L's heart because it already belonged to someone else.

If L had accepted a Shinigami's power and possession for the sake of revenge when he was already one of the most powerful people on Earth, why would he do that if not for love?

Well, that was okay. When you love someone, you want them to be happy and safe, and if that meant doing whatever he could be ensure L didn't get himself killed by a Shinigami and then let him go, that was fine.

Did Light know what was happening with L? He had to have at least noticed the changes in behavior, but did he know about the Shinigami? Probably not, and Matsuda knew it wasn't his place to say anything unless L was becoming dangerous.

Or.. at least dangerous to people like Light and Watari. L could destroy Matsuda whenever he felt like it, and part of him wondered still if he was going to get out of this without a rope around his neck.

The thought made him shudder, but he pushed it aside, confident he could help L before he did something like that.

Without thinking, he held L's cold hand a little tighter, "You have to wake up soon," he whispered, and L echoed it after a few minutes, almost like how a parrot mimicked the words of its owner.

 _Everything will be okay soon,_ he vowed. _Hopefully, L won't fight against seeing a psychiatrist._

At least, he hoped L wouldn't fight against getting help.

OoOoO

"Help!"

L had been slowly coming back to reality over the last hour, too out-of-it still to ask many questions, but he sat up and moved as he heard a scream that sounded like it was coming from Light.

Looking around, he realized Matsuda was asleep, and L wormed his hand out of where the officer was gently holding it, and he got up, fumbling a bit to remove the IV in his arm and making sure to be quiet to not wake Matsuda. The last thing he needed was to have Matsuda fussing over him when it sounded like—

"Someone, _help me!"_

That desperate scream had L running out the door, not caring if he woke up Matsuda, looking around the halls, "Light, where are you?!"

Heading down the stairs of the fire exit, knowing the elevator would be too slow, he heard Light's scream for help, again and again, practically ringing in his head, until he made it to the ground floor, looking around, only to find nobody.

"Light!" He couldn't find anyone or any sign of where Light was, and he moved to get a gun and figure out what was going on. Was Light in trouble? Misa must have come back and taken him! But how had she gotten in?!

He jumped slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, only to turn and see it was Watari, and Matsuda was standing a short distance away, looking extremely concerned.

"What's wrong, L?" Watari asked, and L struggled away from that warm embrace he was being pulled into,

"We have to find Light! He's in danger!" 

"Light's fine," Watari assured him, "He left about an hour ago to have dinner with his sister. Do you want me to call him?" L nodded, and Watari dialed Light's number, "Light? Yes, I wanted to let you know Ryuzaki is awake, and he's looking for you." He handed the phone to L, who took it,

"Light? You're safe, right?"

_"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm glad you're finally awake."_

"Awake? How long has it been?"

 _"You've been catatonic for about nine days."_ Light replied, and L's stomach dropped at that realization, and suddenly the IV made more sense. _"Hey, just rest for a bit, and I'll be back in about half an hour, okay?"_

"Okay... Okay... you're okay..." he didn't realize his legs gave out under him, "I'll see you then..." he hung up, and the phone slipped out of his hands. Watari bent down to his level,

"Why did you think Light was in danger?"

"I—I heard him—he was screaming for help..." he trailed off as he realized he was revealing too much, and he went to get up, "It was probably just a nightmare I hadn't fully woken up from." He headed towards the elevator, realizing how drained he was, having to force himself to take steps forward.

"Ryuzaki," Watari said softly, and Matsuda followed, "I'm having you see a psychiatrist tomorrow, alright? You've been getting better in the last month, but you still haven't been acting like yourself."

L rolled his eyes a bit, a smile on his face, "I'm just stressed, and now that we know Misa has bodyguards, we can use that to get a better pinpointing of her location."

Matsuda tried instead, "We're worried about you. This isn't just—"

"I said I'm _fine, damnit!"_

Watari and Matsuda both recoiled at the rage L displayed out of nowhere, and L took a deep breath, feeling much better now.

"I don't need to see a psychiatrist. If it bothers you so much, I'll see one after this case is handled and Misa is dead, but I've already wasted too much time we could have used to bring her to justice." He winced at the pain in his chest, realizing that exerting himself was not a wise idea, given he had had a heart attack a week ago.

He yelped when Matsuda scooped him into his arms in a bridal-style carry, "You shouldn't have pushed yourself so much."

L looked up at Matsuda, not thinking too much as he held on, knowing that the day may come he needed to throw Matsuda under the bus to further his and Light's goals of a better world. But just like taking advantage of him, the idea of being the reason for a rope around Matsuda's neck made him uneasy.

So he just relaxed, grateful for the help he was being given, even if he wasn't going to admit it. And it seemed Matsuda was okay with him being quiet.

_What's happening to me?_

It was something that had been bothering him. He hadn't told anyone, not even Light, about how he would hear Misa's laughter in his head, growing more and more intense as each day passed without her behind bars. It would reach a breaking point occasionally, and he would see her in the flesh. His mirror could vouch that it wasn't pretty when things reached that point.

He was afraid of it, but it was incredibly irksome to be unsure of what was reality verses in his head. He supposed hearing Light's cries for help had been in his head too. 

But going to a psychiatrist meant the corrupt system would prescribe him with medications he didn't need, which would lower his deductive reasoning, waste his time, and put money in the pockets of liars who charged way too much. Why bother with that when he could be killing Misa? That was much more therapeutic and better use of his time.

He felt himself beginning to drift off, and he let himself rest until Light came back because they had work to do, mumbling, "Tell the others break is over."

Watari probably would do no such thing for a while, but his response of "Of course, Ryuzaki," was good enough to let him have decent enough peace of mind.

OoOoO

Sayu knocked on Kiyomi's apartment door and was glad to be let in, and Mikami was already there. It was getting harder to sneak out and get things done since Mikami preferred to keep to a clockwork schedule, Kiyomi had assignments, and it was a debate for Sayu if Dad would be home for the night—which he often wasn't when taking Light somewhere. But at last, all three of them were here and working.

"Alright!" She took off the hoodie that made her look super shady, "So what's your take on this case, Mikami?"

"Well," Mikami held up one of the files, "All things considered when I look at what is being displayed, and Kira deleted the man responsible, this case seems like it would be open and shut."

"Seems to be?" Sayu sat down, leaning in intently. Dad told Light a lot about being an officer, but as the girl of the family, Mom was usually dressing her up to look nice and be the typical woman. But this was much more interesting.

"Well," Kiyomi explained, offering some tea for the three of them, "The thing that struck me as odd was how long a trial like this took. Normally cases which are 'open and shut' as you put it, and have an eye-witness account, are over in a matter of perhaps a month, two if there were some doubts about the details. And a celebrity's family being killed would be a big deal, and thus prioritized, making it even faster."

"So this case went on longer than it should have." Sayu cocked her head, eating some chips, "So what?"

"Originally," Mikami looked at one of the papers he had probably taken from work, "I assumed the case went on longer because the jury refused to make a decision, so they could see Ms. Amane longer." Sayu groaned at the thought, and a matching look of disgust was on Kiyomi's face.

"Let me guess," Sayu cringed, "That's what was going on."

"I actually can't say for certain." Mikami replied, "I asked around work about the case, and yes, the jury refused to make a decision, and adoration of Ms. Amane could be part of it for sure, but there was something else."

Kiyomi perked up, "Something else?"

"There was talk about the accused having an alibi," Mikami stated, "And there was evidence supplied for it. That's so uncommon that it dragged the trial out, as people were theorizing the man was falsely accused and beginning to question Misa's testimony as an eye-witness of the crime. But after Kira killed the defendant, the public's favor swung back to Misa's story, and the one providing an alibi was arrested for contempt of court."

Sayu gaped. To think Kira had so much power as to disregard evidence and that to be taken as sure proof of someone's guilt was preposterous! But if Misa was the Second Kira, "Do you think Misa used her power as the Second Kira to kill the defendant?"

"I don't believe so," Kiyomi stated, "As reprehensible as she is, she only made a public appearance as a Second Kira in April of this year, and the trial was ended, and that man was killed in February. While not impossible, I wouldn't claim that as our definite answer until there is evidence. But that aspect doesn't even matter. Mikami, was the realization of the defendant having an alibi announced or even accessible for Kira to discover?"

"Most likely not," Mikami replied.

"And therefore it is irrelevant which of the Kiras killed the man," Kiyomi explained, "Do you know why, Sayu?"

Sayu considered what she was hearing. If evidence coming up like an alibi, which had seemed airtight until Kira acted, and that was extremely uncommon, it made sense Kira would just kill without looking further into it. Not that she agreed with Kira, but since Kira really was just human and not a divine being, she could see where that logic came from.

But if this man had an alibi, but Misa made the accusation and claimed to be an eye-witness... it could have been a mistake, and Misa mistook the culprit for the defendant, but given she was the Second Kira and a rapist... Sayu's eyes widened as she realized what Kiyomi and Mikami were getting at.

"That man didn't kill Misa's parents," she breathed out in complete shock, "She did."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, that trial Misa described with it going on forever... I have studied the Japanese justice system enough to know that what she described with people saying the man was falsely accused and it being dragged out for months, that just doesn't happen unless there is very clear evidence stating the defendant is innocent.


	21. Chapter 21

Light ran into L's room, where Watari and Matsuda were both lingering, "How is he?" His breath caught in his throat when he noticed Matsuda look away and Watari shake his head a bit,

"I don't know what's going on," Watari sighed, "But I have reason to believe Ryuzaki has begun hallucinating."

"Hallucinating?" He looked to where L was fast asleep, his breathing even and stable, "What makes you think that?"

Matsuda bit the inside of his lip for a moment as though hesitating, before finally speaking up, "When he woke up, he immediately ran down to the lobby, and he mentioned he had heard you calling for help. He said it was just a nightmare he hadn't fully woken from. But given the mirror and other times that he acts like he heard something..." he trailed off, looking down at his shoes as Light wrapped his head around what he was hearing.

He had been suspecting something was wrong for a while, but whenever L blew up in a murderous rage and needed to be talked down, he remembered what L had said when they first spoke to each other as Kira and Azrael instead of Light and Ryuzaki.

_"How long have we known each other? Seven months, correct? And yet, this is the first time we've talked without any acting involved."_

He had assumed it was mutual between them, that they had both been acting for a time to conceal their true allegiance. But hearing that L had been hallucinating brought forth the creeping thought that what if Light had been the only one doing so, and L was progressively changing.

Well, that made sense too, because he had admitted the situation with Misa had brought him to Kira's side and seeing the good in what was being done. It was only natural that some changes would occur. Hallucinating could easily be from stress, or maybe he had just been honest about it just being a nightmare, and the other occurrences were coincidences.

This didn't mean he had been unknowingly taking advantage of a mentally ill person, right?

No, surely not. Light pushed it away as quickly as it had come to mind. It was just nonsense. Sure, L had a temper, but he had made a point neither had truly known each other without acting involved before, so for all he knew, L was just paranoid and had a temper.

He sat down by L's side, waiting for him to wake up, "You can leave. Thank you for taking care of him."

"You sure, Light?"

Light nodded, noticing the door was open, and Archimedes wandered in, jumping onto the bed and staring at them, nuzzling his muzzle against Light's arm.

Watari and Matsuda both turned to leave, and Light looked up to Ryuk, "You've been with him. Would you say he's sick?"

"I wouldn't know what humans call 'sick,' but if you mean coughing and such—"

"No, I mean like mentally ill, like something's wrong."

Ryuk shrugged, "I don't know, but I guess I would say I don't think so."

Light narrowed his eyes at the Shinigami, "Helpful." He said sarcastically, "Thanks, Ryuk."

"Happy to help!"

"Light?" Light looked down and saw L opening his eyes slowly and slowly looked to where his hand was being held close to Light's chest, blinking a couple times as though trying to figure out if that was real. Light smiled, cupping L's cheek,

"It's good to see you."

L sat up a bit, sighing with relief, "You're safe."

"I was with Dad." He met L's gaze, and he wondered if he should ask about the hallucinating Watari mentioned. L hadn't told him about rendering himself immune to the Death Note, so would he mention if he had been having mental issues? He realized that no, L probably wouldn't confide that in him. He decided to change the subject, "So..." he chuckled humorlessly, "The day off didn't go as planned."

L nodded absently, "I was told Mikami saved my life."

"Yeah. He's a kind man from what I've seen. You did well picking him. I did confide in him the truth that we're just normal people, not Gods."

"That was a good idea," Ryuk said casually, "If you didn't, he might have had hopes of gaining the magokoro."

"Magokoro?" Light thought back and recalled when Ryuk explained that, "You said that Kami can give that, but from what you tell, Shinigami either can't give it, or it messes a person up."

"Yeah," Ryuk replied, "Whether Shinigami have, by human standards, bad taste is still up for debate."

"Would you have ever given one of us the magokoro?" L asked, and Ryuk shook his head,

"No. That makes things less interesting than watching you two make choices without Shinigami corruption. I will admit the notebook itself can mess with a human's mind, but nowhere near as powerful as the magokoro would if it actually changes a human and we don't just have bad taste and it does nothing."

Light nodded to himself, "I see. It was a good thing I told Mikami the truth then—though I am surprised he didn't figure it out on his own given we both look human and Ryuk does not."

Ryuk laughed, "Don't humans have different versions of stories? For all you know I'm just wearing a mask and am more attractive than you."

"Wait, really?!"

"You will never know."

L rubbed his eyes, "We should probably meet with Mikami if it's been a while since the festival."

"L, are you sure? You haven't exactly been all-there."

"Yes, I'm sure. I'll go meet Mikami," he got out of bed, grabbing a piece of paper and beginning to write down a letter for a meeting place. Light's brow furrowed as he turned towards his partner,

"Are you sure? Your health aside, Matsuda could easily follow you if you go alone. It's more believable for us to be going somewhere together."

"And risk him following me anyway and implicating you?" L retorted, "No. I won't allow it."

"I'm sure we can have him doing busywork," he got an idea, "Why not give him something involving the Yotsuba lead? That will make him feel important and get us one step closer to capturing Misa. That or he does something stupid and gets himself killed, and neither of us can be blamed for it."

"That's a good point," L grinned a bit, "We can get rid of him and blame it like all of your less-educated kills on whoever in Yotsuba is allied with Misa. But we have to figure out whether this is a new Death Note or if this person is using Misa. I will factor into whether we have to worry about memory loss."

Oh right... L still was debating killing Matsuda. Light tried something else, "I want to go talk to Sara and determine whether I should tell her that she's going to be an aunt. Perhaps I can take Matsuda with me as a bodyguard while you talk with Mikami."

"Yes, that will make me feel better. Having an officer with you will be comforting, and you can also determine how much of a threat Matsuda will pose."

"Honestly, I'm not worried," he replied, "He values my father and I like family, and if both of us are okay with you, he won't want to go against us."

L finished the letter, handing Ryuk and apple and the folded parchment, "Turn that on its head and he could use what he knows to try and 'save' you or perhaps even me, and screw us both over. We can't have him in-between for long, because having him as a wildcard only works if it can benefit us."

Light slumped, "I guess you're right. I just don't want to kill him. I was too rash with the FBI agents, when I probably could have simply left them alone. Misa killing Ukita and other officers for absolutely no reason made me see that." He felt the hand on his shoulder and felt comfort in seeing the bloodlust fading from L's eyes,

"That's a good point. I've done things for years without needing to kill, so I am sure there is another solution that doesn't involve seducing or killing him."

"Right." He looked up hesitantly, "Hey, L? Are you okay?"

L froze as though struggling to process the question for a moment before turning to smile sweetly at him from where he was cleaning up his cluttered desk,

"I'm perfectly fine. Why do you ask?"

"Just... Watari said some things—"

"It's nothing to worry about. As I said before, Matsuda believes me to be possessed and I am sure me being not fully out of a nightmare and believing a reality of my dreams fueled the concern. It's nothing more than a misunderstanding, and I told them I would see a psychiatrist once Misa is dead, just to make them feel better."

That was a relief. It truly was a misunderstanding. He assumed that the broken mirror had been a trap to lure Matsuda into getting himself caught since him snooping where he shouldn't be was inevitable anyway, so him getting caught would make him more careful.

He felt a weight off his shoulders. L was fine—he wasn't mentally ill at all. He was still the same as he always had been, and the only change was he was stressed and had grown to accept Kira. That was all.

Light looked out the window and saw it was around 1am at this point, "I suppose you feel rested enough?"

"Yes, but you still need rest, correct?"

"Not particuarly." He hesitated, picking up Archimedes to pet him, admitting, "I haven't been sleeping well since... you know..."

"You will sleep better when she's dead," L assured him, stretching and then suddenly leaning heavily against the wall.

"L?" Light put Archimedes down and hurried over to steady him, and L blinked rapidly,

"Sorry, I just gave myself vertigo." He steadied himself, a little more hunched than normal, so Light put his foot down,

"L, you've been catatonic for days. You should lay down and make sure you're okay."

"Fine," L submitted to Light's will, but he clearly wasn't happy about it. Resting in bed once again, "Only if you get some sleep as well."

He didn't have anything else to do at this hour. It would be rude to visit Sara until morning, and this would mean L would actually rest. He sighed, taking off his clothes and changing into pajamas, unable to ignore the heat on his face to be undressing near L. What was so different? It had happened a few times since this whole mess started. Why was he getting flustered this time?

_You didn't know you were in love with L before this time._

Damnit. This was going to become an issue now, wasn't it? It didn't matter. These feelings didn't matter. Light didn't even know what love was, so he could be wrong that this was what it was.

What was love, really? Since childhood, it had been bothering him that something others saw as such a simple concept was lost. He hadn't let that distract him since he supposed it was a good thing to not understand love, so his only reference for love was the girls who told him they were in love with him, his parents and sister who said they loved him, and the stories he read.

From what he could tell, loving someone and being in love with them could be two separate things or could be one and the same. He also observed from stories such as _Romeo and Juliet_ that it just seemed to be a powerful lust and a touch of mind-numbing stupidity. When he thought about it like that, maybe Misa really did love him.

Lust was supposed to be one of the seven deadly sins, so it made sense that purely lust-based relationships were doomed to fail, right? But if lust was what society called true love these days, did that mean...?

He thought about his parents. That didn't seem to be a purely lust-based relationship, so there had to be _something_ there, right? Then again, his parents were on the brink of divorce, so it couldn't be that strong, right?

He tried to think, but he couldn't really think of any other relationships of possible love to take reference in. Aizawa had lived in fear of his wife before L dealt with her, and he only seemed mad about the situation given his young daughter, and infant son had no mother. Was that perhaps love? To put up with an abusive spouse for the sake of your children?

Well, it probably was, but not the kind of love he was lost to. It was a basic evolutionary trait for a parent to value the survival of their offspring.

He decided to think of it less abstractly. Did he value L's opinions and company? Yes. Did he feel safe around L and trust him? Definitely. Did he care about L, flaws and all? L did for him, and of course, he felt the same. Had he felt like this with anyone else those times he had tried to understand love? Never. Had he more than once wondered what it would be like to kiss the other man? With some degree of dread, he realized that he had.

But was that enough to say he was in love with L? It had been so easy for the word to come to mind last week, but how did he know he was right to assume that was what it was?

He may have said he would get some rest, but he stared at the ceiling, deep in thought and perhaps trying to avoid the memories that would plague him every time he fell into dreamland. He still had bruises on his arms and that gash on his forearm, constant painful reminders of once again failing to save himself.

He knew he hadn't learned much self-defense before this since he was supposed to learn that in the academy, but what kind of police officer could he be if he needed Dad to save him.

He paused at that. An image appeared in his mind, being a private detective with L, to solve cases without being required to go on the field and create a new world together. Even being able to imagine a life with L... the image of L holding a baby Light quickly realized was his own child came to mind... he turned on his side away from L, staring at the wall instead, trying to force those thoughts away.

Even if maybe he was capable of love despite what he had wondered after so long being called a detached child, that didn't mean he was able to be loved. Just because L was his partner did not mean he returned such feelings.

Ryuk came back sometime before 4am, and Light was still awake, absently stroking Archimedes, who was content to drag his sandpaper-like tongue across the scabbing gash on Light's forearm, possibly in an attempt the clean it.

"Why are you still awake? Normally you're at least in that half-sleep you spent a lot of time in by now."

"Does L love me?" He asked meekly, looking over at L, who had fallen back into slumber. Sighing, Light got out of bed, knowing rest was a lost cause, not wanting to leave L's side but knowing he didn't want to discuss this where L could overhear.

He put on a grey cardigan and walked through the hallway of the building he had begun to call home. Perhaps it was because L was here, or it was just as likely because the home he had grown up in didn't feel like home anymore.

He hummed softly, running his hand along the wall as he walked, unsure where exactly he was going, and he looked down to see Archimedes staring at him, heterochromatic eyes of blue and gold practically glowing in the pale lighting of the moon.

He found himself in the kitchen and decided to make some chamomile tea to perhaps ease his nerves.

 _"Do you have a heart of stone, Yagami? Are you even capable of love? I thought we had something!"_ He always remembered that line when he explained to a girl after a few dates that she was a very sweet person, but it just wasn't working out, and he didn't want to lead her on.

He had been around fourteen at the time, and even though Dad had assured him that wasn't true, and he just hadn't found the right one yet, years passing of only feeling mild positive feelings towards other people had led him to believe that he wasn't capable of it at all.

He warmed some apple cider for Ryuk, knowing it was too early for anyone to be awake.

Ryuk joined him for an early morning drink, "L's probably gonna be going for breakfast with Mikami to discuss things. He said he was eager to inform you both of something significant he has learned." Light couldn't help but feel like Ryuk was taunting him, and he looked up from his drink,

"Why would that bother me? If Mikami discovered something, that's one step closer to bringing Misa to justice and truly creating a new world."

"Well you know," Ryuk teased, "You just asked aloud if L loved you, and L is probably going out to breakfast with another guy. Jealous?"

Light stilled, "Who L decides to spend time with is none of my concern unless it endangers him or our mission." He couldn't help but ask, even if it sounded pathetic, "But do you know? One way or the other, does he love me?"

"Kid, I'm a Shinigami. Do you really think I understand what humans call love?"

"Alright. What do Shinigami call love?"

Ryuk was oddly quiet for a moment before laughing, "Maybe we knew once. A long time ago. But all the Shinigami I know are technically speaking my older siblings. From what we know, we're all brought into existence by our Old Man. If we knew any kind of love amongst ourselves, it was when I was far too young to remember."

"Well you have to have some form of love, right? If Rem will do anything for Misa and Gelus gave her the magokoro."

"Well yeah, that's love in relationtion to humans, and the human standard of love, which seems pretty stupid since all the examples I've seen are for Misa who I gather is a pretty terrible choice. But with other Shinigami? Best you've got is gamblin' buddies."

"What is there to even gamble?"

"Nothing. Take the most boring situation you can possibly think of, in the dullest location possible, and double that a few times. Are you imagining it?"

Light closed his eyes, trying to imagine, "I think so."

"Good, because you're not even close." Light's eyes flew open just imagining anything worse than what he had pictured, and Ryuk laughed a bit, but it didn't hold the same mirth as usual, "Yeah, you can see why I don't want to go back there. So I guess, when I think about it, love for a Shinigami is when you find that person who makes existence mean something, instead of passing each day in a blur of uselessness and gambling. You don't want to lose the person that makes life exciting."

He pondered Ryuk's words, "That's... oddly heartfelt of you, Ryuk."

"Don't get me wrong though," Ryuk clarified, "I like you. I like you a lot. You're very interesting, and I like hearing your thought process. But I don't love you enough to save your life or anything. I will help you, but only to a certain degree and you better pay me in apples."

"So I'd say..." he paused a bit, "We are what humans would call friends."

"I suppose we are." Ryuk sipped some of the cider, looking at it as though it had suddenly confused him. "It tastes like apples, but it...? What?"

"It's apple cider. Normally it's a winter beverage, but I found some laying around and figured I'd see what happens if you drink it."

"Meh. It's better than having no apples," Ryuk put the mug down, and Light checked his watch. This was around the time he would get up for school back when he was in high school. He chuckled a little bit. He sounded like he was already an adult with a job. He had only graduated a few months ago.

Only graduated high school a few months ago, and he had estimated that assuming the baby wasn't premature, he'd be a father in late March.

That fact made him uneasy for many reasons, chief among them being that he was a teenager and teen parents weren't exactly accepted in Japan. He remembered his second year of high school, one girl got pregnant because the school refused to explain basic sex-ed and contraceptives were only allowed in Japan in the last eight years. He remembered walking past the office and hearing them, basically forcing her to drop out, and he later found out she was kicked out of the house and put to work immediately. The girl's boyfriend thankfully stayed with her and kept things a secret from his own parents until he graduated and had a paying job to support her. 

Still, that whole situation with what society believed on a situation they created was disgusting in his eyes, and it was why he was grateful his father had sat him down as a toddler and explained everything he had to know. Not that it helped much, given the situation he was in now. He couldn't help but feel lucky he only had his mother asking him to marry his rapist to worry about. Dad still supported him and had calmed his worries about what the situation would be like if he was truly at fault for bringing forth a new life far earlier than he was ready for. Dad vowed to have supported him, regardless.

But even if he didn't have to worry about being a teenager, and he had a strong support system, there was still the fact the child would grow up without a mother. Even the idea of someone finding out the mother was Misa Amane terrified him more than he could comprehend.

What if something else went wrong? What if Misa valued being skinny over the baby's health and didn't feed herself properly for the child's sake? He couldn't help but wonder why he was so concerned about the wellbeing of a child he didn't expect nor want this early, if ever, but supposed it was a basic evolutionary trait.

Well, maybe he did, to some extent, love the child. But to figure that out and by proxy what his feeling towards L was, he had to solve this mystery of what love was.

Knowing he had to make himself some breakfast, or he would be pestered by anyone who knew his past bad eating habits, he grabbed some rice and salmon from the fridge to heat up as a quick meal while finishing his tea.

He got a text from L, asking where he was, and upon being assured that Light was just making himself something to eat, he informed Light he would be meeting Mikami for breakfast, and the two of them would discuss when Light got back from talking to Sara.

Matsuda came in after a few minutes, yawning, "Morning, Light! How's Ryuzaki?"

"Sleeping last time I checked," he lied casually, but it wasn't like there was any way Matsuda would know they were messaging. Ryuk leaned against the wall as Light finished his meal, "Matsuda, do you mind doing me a favor?"

"Is it about Ryuzaki?"

 _So Matsuda does want to spend time with L and would probably follow him given a chance. He can't be trusted to just finish a task on his own and not follow L. I have to personally keep him distracted._ "No. I plan to visit Sara Amane in her confinement, and was hoping you could join me... I don't really want to bother Dad about it, and it's Ryuzaki's preference that I don't go anywhere unguarded."

Matsuda's expression changed to something unreadable for a few moments, "Ryuzaki's preference?"

"Seeing that I got almost abducted last time I was alone, I'm not against it."

"Right..." he slumped, putting his hands in his pockets, "Hey, Light, has Ryuzaki been acting weird to you? Like past hallucinating? There are moments when he's... kinda frightening."

Light's brow furrowed, "Not particularly. I mean, he's showed some different sides of himself I didn't expect, but we didn't really know each other all too well before this. It's not like he's a different person or anything."

"I don't know. It's just... sometimes I feel like if I step out of line he's gonna murder me."

He tried his best not to indicate that was definitely true, and for a moment, Light's worries about L's health came back up. But he shook that aside since Matsuda being a wildcard made him dangerous. It made Light just as uneasy, and it frightened him a bit that he knew he had killed people for way less.

Naomi Misora came to mind, and he had to strain to make sure to push her betrayed expression into the depths of his subconscious where it would never rise again. He scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous, Matsuda. He's stressed. That doesn't mean he's going to go on a killing spree."

"I suppose you're right," he made himself some coffee, "Just... when he was in front of the mirror. It was frightening."

Light knew he couldn't let on that he was pretty sure that had been L's trap for Matsuda, so he feigned concern, realizing he didn't need to fake it as much as he would think. "I'll keep an eye on him, alright?"

"Yeah." He brightened, "So we'll both get dressed and meet up in fifteen minutes to go see Sara?"

"Sounds like a plan." He cleaned his dish, then hurried to his room to change into a hoodie and jeans. Nothing formfitting. While he normally preferred pants that constantly reminded him that he was wearing pants, the last thing he wanted was people checking him out.

He hurried down the hall a few minutes later after making sure Archimedes was fed, running into L. "Good morning!"

"Good morning, Light-Kun," L brushed down his jacket, "I'll be off. Should I message you with any updates or meet you back in my room for lunch to inform you?"

"Probably lunch, just in case Matsuda tries to overhear anything," Light turned away, waving to L, "I'll see you later."

He met up with Matsuda by the parking garage door, and Matsuda brightened, "Ready?" Light nodded and followed Matsuda to his car. Sometimes he was surprised that Matsuda had a car since he was always around headquarters, yet he really did have one.

They sat in silence for a while until reaching Sara's apartment. Since nobody could find Misa to inform her about her sister's confinement, they let her go back to her apartment. Still, cameras were everywhere except the bathroom, where there were only wiretaps, and she wasn't allowed to leave.

He knocked on the door, hoping she would be willing to talk to him. Sara opened the door, her strawberry blonde hair tied up in a bun. She wasn't the model-like beauty her sister was, and Light appreciated that because she also seemed like more of a real person than her sister.

"Are you with the detectives?" She asked bitterly, and Light bowed his head,

"Not exactly. My name is Light Yagami."

"Yagami?" She looked him up and down and examined his face, pursing her lips, "Yeah, you're about what I expected. Come in," she refused entry to Matsuda but welcomed Light in, "Apologies for the mess." She cleaned off the books on her dining table, but Light noticed everything else in the apartment was spotless.

"Your home is lovely."

Sara chuckled a bit, "You're here to question me about my sister, correct? I already told the detectives everything I know, that she said she moved to the Kanto Region to be closer to me after I moved out of my parents' house, but I know she is looking for Kira."

"Yes, I am aware of that. How do you know about me?"

"It's hard to forget getting a call from your sister right as you've gotten peacefully asleep, telling you she bought the information of her one true love online and planned to go meet him. I told her it was a bad idea, and I'm guessing she gave you trouble."

He laughed hollowly, "Yeah, you could say that." He was offered coffee and nodded his thanks, putting only a small amount of cream in.

Sara nodded thoughtfully, "I was worried she'd give you a hard time. She means well, but I'm not going to give any excuses like I'm sure plenty of people would about how the model life gives her lack of boundaries. I'm guessing said lack of boundaries has something to do with why I am confined to discover if I am talking to her. Did she piss off your Superintendant father?"

"Well, yes, but that's not why you're confined." He replied, tensing, before deciding Sara had a right to know what her sister had done. He explained everything to her about the stalking and invading his home and being the Second Kira, leaving out the fact Misa was pregnant.

When he was done with his tale, Sara got up and pulled some scotch out of her cabinet and took a long drink from her glass, offering it out, "You sound like you need this just as much as I do right now."

"No thank you. I'm underage."

Sara shrugged, sitting down with him, her head on the table, "Seriously? MiMi, what the hell did you do?" He noticed her posture, and he realized something with sinking realization,

"You don't seem particularly surprised by this revelation that she's the Second Kira."

"When you spend weeks locked in your own house in a cell for something your sister did, you grow to accept that she did something pretty fucked up. Honestly, this is pretty tame compared to some of the things I was worried about." She ran her hand down her face, "Please tell me she didn't justify herself during the assault. She's given plenty of boys a hard time over the years and trying to make them feel terrible for not choosing her." She moaned, "I thought we lectured her out of that behavior."

So from what he gathered, to some degree, Sara loved her sister, but she had also long since accepted Misa was not a good person?

He had to ask, "Um... Misa is going to be put to death when she is found... I don't really want you in the dark about that, ma'am."

"Kid, I'm only four years older than you. You don't have to use any of that ma'am nonsense." She smiled a bit, pain behind her eyes, "I know she's going to be put to death. What? Do you want me to beg and plead for her life when I know it's useless? I love her, but I am not going to defend her from something she did. Just let me know when she's found and I can talk to her."

Light tensed a bit but allowed himself to be grateful she was taking this pretty well, even if the slight slur of her voice implied that might be the alcohol talking, and she had been drinking even before he arrived.

"Hey... can I ask you something?" He asked, "It's a bit personal, but yeah, Misa did try and justify herself, saying that she loved me more than anything... but I don't know what love is."

"Kid, no," she grabbed his shoulders, making him look at her. She suddenly seemed much more sober, "What she did to you is not love at all, and I am not going to tell you otherwise just because I'm her sister. That is lust, and toxic lust at that. Love..." she smiled fondly as though caught in memories, "Love is putting someone else's needs before yours. It's about acknowledging someone's flaws and accepting them regardless. It can make someone feel like a protector and a provider. It gives a sense of purpose. And love is blind." He cocked his head, and she nodded with a grin, "No, seriously. When we're in love, we often times deactivate the neural pathways associated with negative emotions like judgment or fear. It's not like unable to see flaws or problems kind of blind, but unless it's _really_ bad, you're not going to actively judge or be afraid of that person."

"That's actually fascinating."

"I know, right? My girlfriend's getting her psychology degree—she's incredible at what she does and loves to tell me about things she learns in class. Not gonna lie, she's been a lifesaver ever since my parents passed."

Now that the conversation had become more normal and outside of having to do with Misa, they ended up chatting for a while and enjoying coffee. Light decided that he actually quite liked Misa's older sister, and he wouldn't lie at all that she had basically confirmed she had no attraction for him whatsoever made him much more comfortable.

By the time he had to leave, he felt much better, having some hope that if even Misa's sister was able to acknowledge she had done something terrible, others would too, and maybe this wouldn't be as much of a trainwreck as he feared.

Next time, he would tell her about the baby. But for now, he looked out the window, and Matsuda looked to him, "So how was your chat?"

"It was nice," he smiled apologetically, "Sorry for taking so long and leaving you out there."

"It's alright." He assured him, "I'm glad you had a good time," he nudged Light playfully while they were at a stoplight, "What did you talk about?"

"Just some things about Misa and general relationships and such," he thought about what Sara had said about love and considered it in relation to him and L. He supposed that while he hadn't really shown it in actions, he did love L, which gave him a sense of smugness that he had been right last week about that feeling, even though he hadn't understood it.

But L... his eyes widened a bit as he realized what Sara described fit L almost perfectly, who went out of his way to ensure Light was safe and provided for, protecting him no matter what.

He shook himself. This didn't mean L was in love with him; they could just be good friends.

But he supposed it did mean maybe he could talk about his feelings without fear of being completely shot down.

Should he do it? Should he confess to L?

He took a deep breath, knowing what he wanted to do.


	22. Chapter 22

L arrived at the cafe early that morning and found Mikami immediately, waving as he sat down with him, "Good morning, Mikami."

Mikami nodded his greeting, "I'm glad to see you're doing well. I had been growing worried when there was no response from you for days in end. How is Light-sama?"

"He's having trouble sleeping, but with Misa's demise, he will do better." He ordered a breakfast pastry, deciding on some small talk, "How has work been going? I know this situation has pulled you out of your routine, and I do apologize for that."

"There are bigger problems in the world, and I am finding ways to adjust." Mikami tapped the tip of his finger on the table rapidly, and L noticed it was a fidget, or perhaps some form of stimming. Mikami supported himself on his folded arms, leaning on the table, and L could tell the change a routine he had maintained for years was starting to get to him. "I have been investigating Misa Amane as your requested, and discovered something significant."

"And what would that be?"

"I can't say for certain, but from my investigation and discussing the matter with trusted allies, Misa Amane killed her parents and the one accused of the crime was framed. If we gather enough evidence of her murder, we may be able to apprehend her without governments being able to disregard the idea of her being the Second Kira."

Those words were music to L's ears, even if that did mean Light killing an innocent is what started this whole mess. That was going to be a problem... he brightened as he realized he could pin that on Misa easily. He put his hand on Mikami's,

"I am relieved to hear that. Gather as much evidence as you can and focus on that. I will be looking into your Yotsuba lead." He smiled, "You've been a great help to us, Mikami. I know Light told you we aren't Gods, but nevertheless, this is an important step into a new world."

He noticed that Mikami's smile didn't reach his eyes, "Of course. We have to do what we can."

"Right. With luck, Misa will be captured by September."

...

After breakfast, Mikami found himself in turmoil, hands in his pockets as he headed to work... but for the first time, he almost didn't feel motivated; his job as a prosecutor had been turned on its head.

Hearing that an innocent man had been framed by Misa to get away with a murder, and upon further investigation, it was doubtful even an alibi would have changed anything, it made him realize how alarmingly easy his job was.

He had thought that he was doing the right thing for so long, but what if this was wrong? For a handful of cases, all he had needed to do was show up and provide maybe two pieces of evidence, and he won the case, with the defense lawyer not standing a chance. He had let himself believe maybe he was just good at his job, but from what Misa's situation was showing him, maybe the system just favored sending people to prison no matter what.

How many innocent people had he sent behind bars and then killed with the Death Note?

He shook himself. He was just overthinking it. Cases like Misa's were extremely rare, and she had a boost with being a celebrity, that didn't mean the entire system was corrupt.

Forcing himself to change the subject, he considered Kiyomi Takada and Sayu Yagami. Did she know her brother was Kira? From what he could tell, she was neutral on the stance of Kira, so he had decided to help her realize Kira was righteous, and he wouldn't even suggest anything about Light's identity until he was sure she was on Kira's side.

L said Misa would hopefully be captured in September, but Mikami smiled to himself, having faith that they could apprehend her sooner.

OoOoO

Light was investigating the Yotsuba lead in his room, laying on his stomach on his bed and looking at the computer. Archimedes was curled up next to him. As he and L had deduced, this was either someone trying to get promoted or simply eliminating the competition. Currently, he had limited the suspects considerably, and he couldn't help but wish for a moment that he had the Shinigami eyes. But of course, that would doubtfully do anything if he was right that Misa was still the owner and whoever was sheltering her was just using it.

If he had had the Shinigami eyes, none of this would have happened, and he would have killed L a long time ago. He would have lost half his lifespan, the potential of L as an ally, and even the possibility of turning the task force to Kira's side.

He looked to Archimedes, petting him, "Archimedes, what do you think of all of this?" The cat didn't answer, and Light looked back at the suspect list, giving up and rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling, thinking about his conversation with Sara and what he had learned.

He heard a knock on the door and said, "It's open," and nerves made themselves known when L came in, his expression excited,

"I have news," he announced, "Misa killed her parents, and that is another thing we can use against her."

Light's eyes widened at that. Then... did that mean...? He forced himself to relax because this proved Misa was not a true Kira supporter and was just doing this for her own gain. Kira's supporters weren't insane; Misa was just using that power for her own gain.

With that came dread. Light had believed she was supportive of Kira, but this meant that she was abusing the Death Note to get away with her crimes and blaming it on him. If he had agreed to work with her, who knows what she would have done! They had to deal with her quickly!

L sat down beside him, "This makes announcing she is the Second Kira much easier. If I tell Interpol my deduction, we will be able to have further support in apprehending her, and perhaps we can scare whoever is sheltering her into giving her up."

L already had a plan, and he made a point that this would make capturing Misa so much easier. He smiled, and he saw Ryuk watching, fascinated to learn what would come next.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" L asked after a moment.

"I..." Light hesitated. Was now the moment to tell L about how he felt? L was doing so much for him, so now had to be the right moment. He looked into L's eyes, and he knew he had to say it; but he found himself looking away, and he thought back to the festival, "Oh, at the festival you had been about to say something before, you know... What were you going to say?" 

"Oh..." L also looked away, "I don't remember."

"I thought you could lie better than that, L." Light teased, and L sighed, and they were looking at each other.

"It's better if I don't say anything." He grimaced, "I'd prefer not to mention it."

He didn't know where he got the idea, but Light couldn't help but wonder if maybe the thing L was reluctant to tell him was... he smirked a little bit, changing his position on the bed, and L cocked his head curiously.

"I'll go first then." Aware of every breath, every movement, Light vowed he wouldn't shy away at the last second. "I..." he took a deep breath before meeting L's eyes, "I want you to know, L Lawliet, that I love you. I want you to know..." His lips trembled, "I want you to know," he whispered, "That I'm a mess, but I am healing, and my heart belongs to you. And I am honored—honored to be your partner."

He hadn't realized L had moved until his arms wrapped around him, and L pressed his forehead to Light's shoulder, his body shaking. Light stroked a hand through his hair.

"I love you," L whispered. "And I'd endure everything over again so I could find you. And if war comes, we'll face it. Together. I won't let them take me from you. And I won't let them take you from me, either."

Light's body shuddered with what might have been a sob, but his lips found L's own.

It was gentle—soft. The kiss he might have given him if they had been granted time and peace to meet in more normal circumstances. To court each other like most people did, and not have to be in hiding from a stalker. Light slid his arms around L's shoulders, opening his mouth to him, and L's tongue slipped in, caressing his own.

L stiffened against him as though having not expected to get that far, and Light laughed a bit.

He didn't know exactly how it happened, but he found himself lying back against the pillows, the kiss deepening, and Light wrapped his legs around L's back, hooking him closer. 

"Light," L tore his lips from Light's mouth, realizing what was happening as Ryuk had grabbed Archimedes and fled, "Can you... are you able to? You don't—"

"I'm okay," Light promised, "I swear to you I'm okay."

L paused for a long moment, and any hesitation Light had before faded with that, seeing the genuine concern for his wellbeing. He had never seen that before in the eyes of someone who said they loved him—unless they were his family. He had almost worried he was unlovable. But surely he could be loved if anyone bothered to prioritize his health over all else.

"Promise me, Light," L insisted, "You will tell me if anything that happens upsets you, and I'll stop." He didn't move until Light gave him the nod, and then slowly, making sure Light had time to protest, his hands slid under Light's sweater and went up. Light arched into the touch and lifted his arms as he peeled away his sweater in one easy motion, helping L take off his own shirt.

And they just stayed there for a moment, bare skin touching, both shirtless, and Light gripped L's face, renewing the kiss with much more passion and excitement this time around. L's hands found his waist, and Light bucked his hips to help him remove his sweat pants.

L pulled back again, a hand momentarily resting on Light's bare thigh.

It was as though he flipped a switch, as the smallest of touches left Light back in that alleyway, his body flying away from L and screaming, "NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

He couldn't see anymore and fell onto the floor—not that he cared. He felt Misa's hands on his thighs as she whispered sweet nothings into his ear that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as the drug in his system slowly began to kick in. He couldn't fight back—he had time to run before he was gone, but he couldn't make his body do anything—he was frozen— _help me!_

...

The moment Light had jolted from fear, mere seconds before that heartbreaking cry tore from his throat, L knew something was wrong and pulled away from Light, seeing him scramble onto the floor, curled in a ball in nothing but his boxers.

He cursed himself. Even if Light said he would be okay, he should have known better than to think Light was ready for that kind of thing. He was supposed to be smart, and yet he let the shock of the fact Light was okay to admit love overwhelm his deductive reasoning.

He put his shirt back on and grabbed a blanket Light normally ended up wrapping himself in under the covers, bending down and draping it over Light so he wouldn't feel exposed. He bent down, not touching Light as he spoke softly,

"It's a flashback, Light," he sat down next to him, "You're safe. It's not real." He slowly moved his hand to Light's, letting Light grip onto it and partially open glassy eyes. He was still shaking, but this was a start, "Good, now breathe, okay? Deep breath in, and then let it out."

Over the course of a few minutes, Light managed to steady his breathing, but he had squeezed his eyes shut again, trying to make himself as small as possible. L got up for a moment to let Archimedes out of the bathroom Ryuk had brought him into since the cat had been pawing at the door, and then rushed over to his distressed owner.

Ryuk looked down at Light, "Is that just what sex is always like?"

"I don't think so," L replied, "We rushed things, I made a mistake in not doubting." He bent down with Light, "Can you describe your surroundings for me? What do you feel right now?"

"A...Archimedes..." Light whispered, moving a bit closer to Archimedes, who was snuggled up against him and licking his arm. "His tongue is like sandpaper."

"Good. What do you hear?"

"Your voice... and the air conditioner."

"That's right. What do you see?" Light opened his eyes again just a crack, still focusing on his breathing,

"The floor."

"Can you move?"

Light moved around a bit, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around himself. L handed him his clothing. He quickly put on his sweater again, looking at the ground in shame. "Thank you," he said quietly, not meeting L's eyes, "Sorry that I—"

"Light, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're just not ready for that yet, and that's okay. I should have known better."

"It's not your job to know better!" Light snapped, "It's my damn body reminding me of Misa even when the situation was nothing like that. I... I wanted this, and I can't even do that right without flipping out."

"Your body responds negatively to certain places being touched. Your thighs being touched reminds you of the assault. It will get better eventually, but for now, maybe we shouldn't try that until you perhaps have some therapy. I don't want you to push yourself to do something you aren't ready for."

"But I am ready," he insisted, "I'm eighteen, I should be capable of not flipping out."

L didn't know what to say. To say he didn't want Light by his side as more than a partner was lying to himself, and he didn't need to hide that anymore now that he knew it wouldn't be traumatizing to Light. But the idea of sex... he wasn't any more experienced in this than Light, so he didn't have any past experiences to go off of here, and to ask anyone seemed kind of awkward.

"If we are going to do this," he tried, "It will take a lot of communication, but not today. How about we try again when Misa is captured, and talk through it."

Light pulled the blanket tighter around himself, "Yeah. That sounds good." He tore at his hair, "Why am I like this?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," L reminded him, slowly moving his hand to Light's shoulder and pulling him into an embrace slow enough that Light could pull away if he so desired. He didn't and rested his head on L's shoulder.

...

No matter how many times L said it was okay, Light couldn't help but feel like a complete wimp. He had wanted this, both because L was the only person he could see himself being with and to prove to himself that he wasn't broken. Well, it seemed he was.

L was much different than Misa. His touch and his kiss were not out of lust—and he had never imagined before tonight that he would be able to tell the difference immediately. So why? Why did he react the way he did? He knew it was different this time, but his body didn't? What kind of sense did that make?

Ryuk was sitting on the ground with them, cocking his head, unsure of what exactly was happening or what to do about it, so he was content to watch. Light looked down at his legs and hesitantly placed his hands on his thighs, getting no reaction. So it only happened when someone else was touching him?

L spoke softly, "We're going to capture her. She's never going to hurt you again. I'll make sure of it."

Light looked up at L and that gentle smile on his face. He wasn't bitter at all about Light's failures; he was here and saying he wouldn't let them be separated.

"You'll stay with me, right?" He asked hesitantly, "Even when I have a kid?"

"I'll be with you no matter what happens, Light. I promise. I'll love you and your child." He chuckled, "My feelings about the mother on the other hand... neither of us will complain if she's out of the kid's life. Poor thing is in the womb and I already feel bad for it, having to exist inside Misa. Sounds miserable." 

Light laughed, nuzzling closer to L, smiling now, "Thank you, for everything."

L kissed Light's forehead, "I'd do it all again."


End file.
